I really do hope you won't go mad. I'd be terribly miffed at you if you did-- I told you you should have let me send you off with a pet. Can still get you one, if you like. At the very least, if there's any books you don't have, or movies, or anything of the sort, I'm sure I could track them down and have them sent to you. At the very least, I'll keep writing, and hope that doesn't bore you to tears.
Although I imagine the wine cellar will prove an adequate distraction if I do.
I've exchanged a few letters with Cass, although it's mostly me being politely fumbling and her being sarcastic back. If you like, you could send me her letters and I could have them forwarded on to her. I assure you you don't need to worry about me reading them.
I've been on a world I think you might have liked. They worship a fire god here, and there are creatures rather like your salamanders. I was a really nice place, but the queen tended to treat me like some sort of pet. I'm not really sure why.
Is madness a place, then? I didn't think it was. Although I think if it were it would be a very colorful place.
I don't blame him for worrying, but I can understand that it would be annoying that he bothers you so. The worry is understandable; some people might consider life not worth living if they're not whole. Which is idiocy, really. It doesn't matter to me how many limbs you have or don't. As for the cooking, being in tune with the earth doesn't necessarily mean you know best how to fry and fricasse her denizens.
Well, let me know how that goes, then. If you need anything ever, just let me know and I'll do my best.
I hope you'll read my letters that often you won't need to reread my letters so excessively, though it's gratifying to think they wouldn't get boring. I'll try to provide you with plenty of reading material, however
( ... )
Isn't it? Surely so. A place I should much like to resign several of the inhabitants of this town, to be honest.
He's starting to ease up, a bit, at least. I feel as though I should thank him, but at the same time if I do no doubt he'll only start coming around more often again.
As for the cooking, yes, it's-- I don't know if I can quite explain it properly, but you see-- I trained with his teacher, for a time, before they could locate and persuade another Fire Master to train me (we're terribly territorial creatures, I don't know if you've ever had cause to realize), and it's-- it's the kitchen, sort of thing. My uncle is most comfortable in the kitchen, of all the rooms in this house, and so he spends most of his time there; but that doesn't mean he's the least bit good with it. Unlike every other Earth-tuned person I've ever met.
Don't worry, my dear. I'll be certain to let you know, yes.
On the other hand, while there's certainly enough in the house so that I don't need to reread your letters -- rather the
( ... )
I think it's more of a state of mind. Or possibly a small town somewhere in the midwestern United States, the sort where famous people come from and like to harken back to, but never actually visit ever again.
That's entirely possible. There must be some way to show gratitude without bringing down more unwanted concern on your head.
I didn't know that Fire Masters were territorial, actually, although it makes perfect sense now that I think of it. I don't suppose you could occupy yourself by teaching your uncle to cook? It sounds like it would take up a lot of time, if nothing else, but engaging in hopeless tasks can't be very fun, so perhaps not.
Ah, I see. I rather misinterpreted that, then. I recall that your library was rather formidable, so obviously you needn't bore yourself rereading my letters
( ... )
It's quite likely you're right; I'm sure I wouldn't in the least be surprised if you were.
He's been a bit busy, lately, with some pet project of his, again. It's nice to know he's keeping himself occupied with something that doesn't require him to be at the house at all hours. I know he's more pleased.
It... would not top the list of things I'd like to do in my new retirement, my dear. The man is a solid twenty years older than I am, and I've known how to cook since... well, frankly, since I first came to live with him. I knew a few things then, and learned more quickly. "Hopeless" is an understatement, when it comes to Richard's cooking.
They've not bored me yet, Harper, although I've found myself reading them over a few times, now. Not up to the dreaded tenth yet, however.
The important question, of course, is this: did anyone manage to get some form of photographic proof?
Who were you partnered with, on this mission? Any particular reason why you were the one chosen to consort with the courtesans
( ... )
Why thank you. I'm glad to hear that I may in fact be right about some things.
I would say that you ought to find a project of your own to occupy you, but I'm sure you're already hearing the like and I wouldn't like to nag. Although if you ever do find out what your uncle is actually doing, I'd like to hear; the acts of magicians are fascinating to those of us who are hopeless at the craft.
That's tragic. Don't tell me the man's the sort who manages to burn water and set toast aflame. I've been called hopeless, and I at least can manage a decent pasta and even cookies. I shudder to even think the sort of cooking disasters he must have had. He doesn't fancy himself a cook, does he? There's nothing worse than someone who thinks they're exceptional at something they aren't.
I'm glad of that. I've got your letters tucked safely away. You are my well of sanity when partners are doing insane things like dragging us up in hot air balloons. I don't like heights anymore, Marcus
( ... )
Don't worry. You're quite good about puncturing my illusions when they pop up. My dreams, too, but-- no.
Thank you kindly.
Am I? Thank you for saying. Although I thought you weren't particularly partial to breakfast foods.
That stopped when I jumped off a forty-foot bridge, Marcus. That sort of killed my desire to be anywhere high up again ever. And then they dragged me into a hot air balloon over a volcano. That wasn't very fun. I spent most of the time sitting in the bottom of the basket clinging to Theirn's leg.
I will endeavor to relieve my partners of any such mementos of that mission.
He's quite an amusing man. I've considered killing him, or at the very least knocking him out and trussing him up in a silk costume and depositing him in Meligot's office.
Thank you. I appreciate your saying so. You do realise that if you were still here it would have been you in that position.
It's a dirty job, of course, but someone has to do it.
You're most kindly welcome.
I'm not, but still, you are.
And what the fuck were you doing near a volcano? Are you trying to get yourself killed? What the fuck, Harper, don't terrify me like this-- -- I shall have to be certain to thank him, then.
Just be certain I get to see before you destroy them, or I'll be quite upset.
I vote for the silk; make sure it's in his worst color, of course, and be certain as well that you obtain proof. I think I'd like to see those pictures as well.
And of course I would be. It would be just like that time with the Pharaoh's group. We've already established that I'm prettier than you anyway, Harper.
And without Cass around, it looks like that job falls to you. Though you could take a little less obvious glee in it, you know.
Well, thank you. If I'm ever in the vicinity again I'll have to make you something to thank you properly. But that doesn't seem likely now, does it?
Oh? I'm not sure what you'd want to thank him for, but-- okay, sure. I didn't speak to him for about a day afterward, myself, although to be fair it wasn't his idea.
Very well, I will. But you and only you; I utterly refuse to let them fall into the hands of anyone about headquarters. In fact, if I send you them, can I trust you to destroy them for me?
I will be very certain to do that. Something in pink, I think, or possibly bright orange or lime green.
Yes, yes, I know. Although the Pharaoh liked me better than you, you do remember that? And why is it that despite the fact that you're prettier, I'm the one who usually ends up in harems?
It's always best to glory in one's deeds, don't you think?
What, precisely, are you offering to bribe me with-- I mean, thank me with, now?
Thank him for being there for you to cling to, I suppose, if nothing else.
Of course you can trust me, Harper. I'd hardly be likely to keep them, hang them on my wall, laugh maniacally and rub my hands together with glee, now would I?
My word, Harper, don't limit yourself so. There's no reason for you not to combine all of them. Although Meligot may possibly prefer not to have her office invaded by something quite that gruesome, I suppose...
The pharaoh may have, yes, but do I need to remind you of the admiral, the royal family on that little world that was rather Scottish, or... well, there are enough others, you know. As for ending up in harems... I've no idea. Have you finally gotten around to getting a corset, perhaps? They seem to suit the locale, and all.
There's glory and then there's gloating, dear Marcus.
Well, I don't properly know. Something with food would seem appropriate. Are there any spices and suchlike that you can't get on that world, which you'd like to have?
Theirn's good for that. I don't know that he enjoyed it any more than I did, though. We were both quite ready to kill Allerdyce for that.
I'd certainly hope not. That would be very terrible. I mean, at least nobody else would be able to see them, but I wouldn't be able to give you a pathetic look for mocking me. And I can certainly send you better pictures if you feel some need to hang photographs of your former cohorts up on the wall.
You're right. I shouldn't like to wish something like that on poor Meligot. Maybe I should leave him in one of the common rooms.
Oh, very well, I take your point. And I suppose it would be too much like bragging to list off those who have taken to me-- but that's never stopped you, then, has it?
I-- will have to spend some time thinking about it, I suppose. Generally most everything's available, depending on one's suppliers, but if I can think of something you could get more cheaply, I'll be certain to let you know, and work out payment for it.
That man is a menace, and should not be an agent anymore. I don't know why Thacker hasn't gotten him fired yet Did you?
What, you mean you're not going to let me be greedy and keep all of them? What else am I supposed to do with my time? The hand-wringing to accompany the evil cackle is already right out, after all.
I vote the cafeteria. That way you can always lie and say that he must have done it on his own, drunk as he is. Of course, that works better if you manage to get him to drink enough to pass out before you dress him...
-- Don't give me that look. I have not done something like that before.
As for bragging... it's very much like gloating, you know. Some people have a talent for it.
I know, Marcus, but it would be so much more preferable for the rest of us if you didn't count that as one of yours.
Well, do let me know. And if there's anything else you want, including me let me know, and I'll do my best to get it there. I-- well, I don't know how much longer I'll be around here, to tell the truth, but as long as I am here I'll do the best I can to have you sent anything you might want. It's the very least I can do.
No, more's the pity. It may have endeared us to the locals, but it's not an experience I'd ever care to repeat. You know how Allerdyce is, though.
I meant better pictures of me not looking ridiculous. And also pictures of Cass and some of the others, if you'd like. I don't know if you keep photo albums or anything like that, but it might be nice to have pictures to remember us by.
That's a very good idea. Thank you very much for that. I think I've still got some of that wine that he likes so much. But tequila might work better for this purpose...
I really do hope you won't go mad. I'd be terribly miffed at you if you did-- I told you you should have let me send you off with a pet. Can still get you one, if you like. At the very least, if there's any books you don't have, or movies, or anything of the sort, I'm sure I could track them down and have them sent to you. At the very least, I'll keep writing, and hope that doesn't bore you to tears.
Although I imagine the wine cellar will prove an adequate distraction if I do.
I've exchanged a few letters with Cass, although it's mostly me being politely fumbling and her being sarcastic back. If you like, you could send me her letters and I could have them forwarded on to her. I assure you you don't need to worry about me reading them.
I've been on a world I think you might have liked. They worship a fire god here, and there are creatures rather like your salamanders. I was a really nice place, but the queen tended to treat me like some sort of pet. I'm not really sure why.
Love ( ... )
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Is madness a place, then? I didn't think it was. Although I think if it were it would be a very colorful place.
I don't blame him for worrying, but I can understand that it would be annoying that he bothers you so. The worry is understandable; some people might consider life not worth living if they're not whole. Which is idiocy, really. It doesn't matter to me how many limbs you have or don't. As for the cooking, being in tune with the earth doesn't necessarily mean you know best how to fry and fricasse her denizens.
Well, let me know how that goes, then. If you need anything ever, just let me know and I'll do my best.
I hope you'll read my letters that often you won't need to reread my letters so excessively, though it's gratifying to think they wouldn't get boring. I'll try to provide you with plenty of reading material, however ( ... )
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Isn't it? Surely so. A place I should much like to resign several of the inhabitants of this town, to be honest.
He's starting to ease up, a bit, at least. I feel as though I should thank him, but at the same time if I do no doubt he'll only start coming around more often again.
As for the cooking, yes, it's-- I don't know if I can quite explain it properly, but you see-- I trained with his teacher, for a time, before they could locate and persuade another Fire Master to train me (we're terribly territorial creatures, I don't know if you've ever had cause to realize), and it's-- it's the kitchen, sort of thing. My uncle is most comfortable in the kitchen, of all the rooms in this house, and so he spends most of his time there; but that doesn't mean he's the least bit good with it. Unlike every other Earth-tuned person I've ever met.
Don't worry, my dear. I'll be certain to let you know, yes.
On the other hand, while there's certainly enough in the house so that I don't need to reread your letters -- rather the ( ... )
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I think it's more of a state of mind. Or possibly a small town somewhere in the midwestern United States, the sort where famous people come from and like to harken back to, but never actually visit ever again.
That's entirely possible. There must be some way to show gratitude without bringing down more unwanted concern on your head.
I didn't know that Fire Masters were territorial, actually, although it makes perfect sense now that I think of it. I don't suppose you could occupy yourself by teaching your uncle to cook? It sounds like it would take up a lot of time, if nothing else, but engaging in hopeless tasks can't be very fun, so perhaps not.
Ah, I see. I rather misinterpreted that, then. I recall that your library was rather formidable, so obviously you needn't bore yourself rereading my letters ( ... )
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It's quite likely you're right; I'm sure I wouldn't in the least be surprised if you were.
He's been a bit busy, lately, with some pet project of his, again. It's nice to know he's keeping himself occupied with something that doesn't require him to be at the house at all hours. I know he's more pleased.
It... would not top the list of things I'd like to do in my new retirement, my dear. The man is a solid twenty years older than I am, and I've known how to cook since... well, frankly, since I first came to live with him. I knew a few things then, and learned more quickly. "Hopeless" is an understatement, when it comes to Richard's cooking.
They've not bored me yet, Harper, although I've found myself reading them over a few times, now. Not up to the dreaded tenth yet, however.
The important question, of course, is this: did anyone manage to get some form of photographic proof?
Who were you partnered with, on this mission? Any particular reason why you were the one chosen to consort with the courtesans ( ... )
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Why thank you. I'm glad to hear that I may in fact be right about some things.
I would say that you ought to find a project of your own to occupy you, but I'm sure you're already hearing the like and I wouldn't like to nag. Although if you ever do find out what your uncle is actually doing, I'd like to hear; the acts of magicians are fascinating to those of us who are hopeless at the craft.
That's tragic. Don't tell me the man's the sort who manages to burn water and set toast aflame. I've been called hopeless, and I at least can manage a decent pasta and even cookies. I shudder to even think the sort of cooking disasters he must have had. He doesn't fancy himself a cook, does he? There's nothing worse than someone who thinks they're exceptional at something they aren't.
I'm glad of that. I've got your letters tucked safely away. You are my well of sanity when partners are doing insane things like dragging us up in hot air balloons. I don't like heights anymore, Marcus ( ... )
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Don't let it go to your head, of course, and all the rest such warnings.
I'll see what I can do.
Oh, he is, all of that and worse; at least he's well aware of it. You're also decent with breakfast, you know.
-- when did that stop? I'm afraid I can't recall.
If they did, of course, for one thing I want to see, and for another you should probably relieve them of such possessions.
I don't know him personally, no. I think I saw his file a few times, however.
You are prettier than he, I grant you.
And that is good news.
Yours, etc.
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Don't worry. You're quite good about puncturing my illusions when they pop up. My dreams, too, but-- no.
Thank you kindly.
Am I? Thank you for saying. Although I thought you weren't particularly partial to breakfast foods.
That stopped when I jumped off a forty-foot bridge, Marcus. That sort of killed my desire to be anywhere high up again ever. And then they dragged me into a hot air balloon over a volcano. That wasn't very fun. I spent most of the time sitting in the bottom of the basket clinging to Theirn's leg.
I will endeavor to relieve my partners of any such mementos of that mission.
He's quite an amusing man. I've considered killing him, or at the very least knocking him out and trussing him up in a silk costume and depositing him in Meligot's office.
Thank you. I appreciate your saying so. You do realise that if you were still here it would have been you in that position.
Yours,
Harper
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It's a dirty job, of course, but someone has to do it.
You're most kindly welcome.
I'm not, but still, you are.
And what the fuck were you doing near a volcano? Are you trying to get yourself killed? What the fuck, Harper, don't terrify me like this-- -- I shall have to be certain to thank him, then.
Just be certain I get to see before you destroy them, or I'll be quite upset.
I vote for the silk; make sure it's in his worst color, of course, and be certain as well that you obtain proof. I think I'd like to see those pictures as well.
And of course I would be. It would be just like that time with the Pharaoh's group. We've already established that I'm prettier than you anyway, Harper.
Yours, etc.
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And without Cass around, it looks like that job falls to you. Though you could take a little less obvious glee in it, you know.
Well, thank you. If I'm ever in the vicinity again I'll have to make you something to thank you properly. But that doesn't seem likely now, does it?
Oh? I'm not sure what you'd want to thank him for, but-- okay, sure. I didn't speak to him for about a day afterward, myself, although to be fair it wasn't his idea.
Very well, I will. But you and only you; I utterly refuse to let them fall into the hands of anyone about headquarters. In fact, if I send you them, can I trust you to destroy them for me?
I will be very certain to do that. Something in pink, I think, or possibly bright orange or lime green.
Yes, yes, I know. Although the Pharaoh liked me better than you, you do remember that? And why is it that despite the fact that you're prettier, I'm the one who usually ends up in harems?
Yours,
Harper
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It's always best to glory in one's deeds, don't you think?
What, precisely, are you offering to bribe me with-- I mean, thank me with, now?
Thank him for being there for you to cling to, I suppose, if nothing else.
Of course you can trust me, Harper. I'd hardly be likely to keep them, hang them on my wall, laugh maniacally and rub my hands together with glee, now would I?
My word, Harper, don't limit yourself so. There's no reason for you not to combine all of them. Although Meligot may possibly prefer not to have her office invaded by something quite that gruesome, I suppose...
The pharaoh may have, yes, but do I need to remind you of the admiral, the royal family on that little world that was rather Scottish, or... well, there are enough others, you know. As for ending up in harems... I've no idea. Have you finally gotten around to getting a corset, perhaps? They seem to suit the locale, and all.
Yours, etc.
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There's glory and then there's gloating, dear Marcus.
Well, I don't properly know. Something with food would seem appropriate. Are there any spices and suchlike that you can't get on that world, which you'd like to have?
Theirn's good for that. I don't know that he enjoyed it any more than I did, though. We were both quite ready to kill Allerdyce for that.
I'd certainly hope not. That would be very terrible. I mean, at least nobody else would be able to see them, but I wouldn't be able to give you a pathetic look for mocking me. And I can certainly send you better pictures if you feel some need to hang photographs of your former cohorts up on the wall.
You're right. I shouldn't like to wish something like that on poor Meligot. Maybe I should leave him in one of the common rooms.
Oh, very well, I take your point. And I suppose it would be too much like bragging to list off those who have taken to me-- but that's never stopped you, then, has it?
I've never got into a corset, no.
Yours,
Harper
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We all have our special gifts, you know.
I-- will have to spend some time thinking about it, I suppose. Generally most everything's available, depending on one's suppliers, but if I can think of something you could get more cheaply, I'll be certain to let you know, and work out payment for it.
That man is a menace, and should not be an agent anymore. I don't know why Thacker hasn't gotten him fired yet Did you?
What, you mean you're not going to let me be greedy and keep all of them? What else am I supposed to do with my time? The hand-wringing to accompany the evil cackle is already right out, after all.
I vote the cafeteria. That way you can always lie and say that he must have done it on his own, drunk as he is. Of course, that works better if you manage to get him to drink enough to pass out before you dress him...
-- Don't give me that look. I have not done something like that before.
As for bragging... it's very much like gloating, you know. Some people have a talent for it.
Pity.
Yours, etc.
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I know, Marcus, but it would be so much more preferable for the rest of us if you didn't count that as one of yours.
Well, do let me know. And if there's anything else you want, including me let me know, and I'll do my best to get it there. I-- well, I don't know how much longer I'll be around here, to tell the truth, but as long as I am here I'll do the best I can to have you sent anything you might want. It's the very least I can do.
No, more's the pity. It may have endeared us to the locals, but it's not an experience I'd ever care to repeat. You know how Allerdyce is, though.
I meant better pictures of me not looking ridiculous. And also pictures of Cass and some of the others, if you'd like. I don't know if you keep photo albums or anything like that, but it might be nice to have pictures to remember us by.
That's a very good idea. Thank you very much for that. I think I've still got some of that wine that he likes so much. But tequila might work better for this purpose...
I assure you I was not giving ( ... )
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If you find a cheap source of saffron, that'd be choice.
One of these days, Allerdyce is going to find himself shot, and I won't manage to mourn him properly, I think.
Pictures would be lovely.
Try everclear?
Evil grins work as well. Depard needs some frightening, anyway.
Oh all right, then. Spoilsport.
Yours, etc.
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