Breaking the Silence
Waking up in a foreign (yet familiar) bed to my own did not irk me this morning as much as how relaxed I felt upon opening my eyes somewhere other than home. Sunlight shot through the blinds and scorched life into my soul as I starred at the fan above blowing cool air on me as I lay wrapped in warm blankets.
I began to feel the pulsing sore on my face and the bruised tender area of my neck. I sat up and looked at myself in the mirror, although the bruising on the right side of my face has calmed down since yesterday, I could still spot some of the broken capillaries around my eyes.
No matter how horrible, unwanted, lousy, and a piece of shit of a son I come off as; it gives my father no right to take out his frustration on me physically. I've lived with the verbal abuse all my life, the on and off again physical brutality has been escalating in recent months and has left me tossed out yet again.
I've been away from home for the past two days and it's remarkable how much more relaxed and un-tense I am away from home, hell even the time I slept at the train station felt safer than the place I once called home when I was younger. One of these days he'll kick me out for good and hopefully I'll have more structure in my life before that happens.
I don't hate you dad, never did. I pity you.
One day you'll look back at your relationship with me and wish you weren't such an asshole, but even if you don't; I'll make damn sure you never treat my brother like this or you'll come to regret your existence.
-----
I suppose the theme for yesterday was overweight men shoving me. My father and a bouncer in a bar kicked out onto the cold of Hermosa Beach last night. As for my life during the past few weeks since I've posted; Ups and Downs like everyone else, lots of school, World of Warcraft escape from reality, arguments with father, and some good times with friends, family and plenty of laughs with my boyfriend Brandon whom I love more and more with each passing day!
I began to feel the pulsing sore on my face and the bruised tender area of my neck. I sat up and looked at myself in the mirror, although the bruising on the right side of my face has calmed down since yesterday, I could still spot some of the broken capillaries around my eyes.
No matter how horrible, unwanted, lousy, and a piece of shit of a son I come off as; it gives my father no right to take out his frustration on me physically. I've lived with the verbal abuse all my life, the on and off again physical brutality has been escalating in recent months and has left me tossed out yet again.
I've been away from home for the past two days and it's remarkable how much more relaxed and un-tense I am away from home, hell even the time I slept at the train station felt safer than the place I once called home when I was younger. One of these days he'll kick me out for good and hopefully I'll have more structure in my life before that happens.
I don't hate you dad, never did. I pity you.
One day you'll look back at your relationship with me and wish you weren't such an asshole, but even if you don't; I'll make damn sure you never treat my brother like this or you'll come to regret your existence.
-----
I suppose the theme for yesterday was overweight men shoving me. My father and a bouncer in a bar kicked out onto the cold of Hermosa Beach last night. As for my life during the past few weeks since I've posted; Ups and Downs like everyone else, lots of school, World of Warcraft escape from reality, arguments with father, and some good times with friends, family and plenty of laughs with my boyfriend Brandon whom I love more and more with each passing day!