Crappy Teenaged Goth Poetry Entry # whatever (I think 8)
I almost forgot I wanted to add another CTGP post. A DOUBLE ISSUE even!
So here is "Child memory: fear"
When I was a child I lived in a bubble
Everything was okay
And everything was to be feared
Firemen were to be respected but they would soon become the grim reaper
Telling me tales of how my bubble could set on fire
A million times in my head I would escape from my house
But I was always trapped in the fear
Safety first and comfort last is not something for a child
Yet that is what I had, always ready to run
But where ever I went I was there and so was the fear
The devil was always on my back spitting fire into my ear
Suffocating, seeing the end always in front of me
As a child I always looked towards the end when I was barely beginning
Sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to fall
Now I have a lot of catching up to do on my decent
Growing up to be a man isn't easy when you are being held down
Understanding is body armor called courage
Fear strips you naked and cuts you down to the ground
All I needed was courage to warm me, to hold me up
But there was none in sight because as I child I wore a shroud
A shroud of silence is what I had
To young and therefore to stupid to feel
Lost inside myself it was easy to believe
I couldn't hear myself to tell me it was alright
All I heard was the grim reaper telling me not to fall asleep
or he would set my house on fire
Elementary school was a big bath tub
A place to wash imperfect children
A place to wash our brains
Put the knives in me, light plugs into a socket to make control pads
Vaccinate me with fear so I can never fly to high
When I was young, too young to understand
They were telling me to stay in fear
Don't fight anything just run
And conform to what they give me because it would always win
They had me fearing what would always win
The fire that was inside
And to finish it off: "Heart Control"
I'm vegan, I exercise daily, I don't smoke. When its warm outside I ride a bike instead of driving a car. I do this to keep moving because everything else in my life seems stuck. I live by myself in a place I don't want to be. I work at a place where everyone is dying. At least I'm not killing them. However, television, silence and stagnation are killing me. Well, thats my theory anyhow. I thought my false attempts at living a good life would at least keep me in a good physical realm. If I can't control my emotions, if being a hermit isn't what I want, at least I could control my body. A month ago I found out I was wrong. I woke up with a tightness in my chest. It didn't go away and now I"m in the hospital. So much for control. So much for living. You told me you didn't love me. My chest has gotten tighter and tighter since then. I lost control when I met you. You'd think someone in love would love themselves. I don't know if I do or can. There is no control. The doctors don't know whats wrong but it looks like my left valve in my heart is gonna fail anyday. Thats okay, it failed me long ago.
So here is "Child memory: fear"
When I was a child I lived in a bubble
Everything was okay
And everything was to be feared
Firemen were to be respected but they would soon become the grim reaper
Telling me tales of how my bubble could set on fire
A million times in my head I would escape from my house
But I was always trapped in the fear
Safety first and comfort last is not something for a child
Yet that is what I had, always ready to run
But where ever I went I was there and so was the fear
The devil was always on my back spitting fire into my ear
Suffocating, seeing the end always in front of me
As a child I always looked towards the end when I was barely beginning
Sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to fall
Now I have a lot of catching up to do on my decent
Growing up to be a man isn't easy when you are being held down
Understanding is body armor called courage
Fear strips you naked and cuts you down to the ground
All I needed was courage to warm me, to hold me up
But there was none in sight because as I child I wore a shroud
A shroud of silence is what I had
To young and therefore to stupid to feel
Lost inside myself it was easy to believe
I couldn't hear myself to tell me it was alright
All I heard was the grim reaper telling me not to fall asleep
or he would set my house on fire
Elementary school was a big bath tub
A place to wash imperfect children
A place to wash our brains
Put the knives in me, light plugs into a socket to make control pads
Vaccinate me with fear so I can never fly to high
When I was young, too young to understand
They were telling me to stay in fear
Don't fight anything just run
And conform to what they give me because it would always win
They had me fearing what would always win
The fire that was inside
And to finish it off: "Heart Control"
I'm vegan, I exercise daily, I don't smoke. When its warm outside I ride a bike instead of driving a car. I do this to keep moving because everything else in my life seems stuck. I live by myself in a place I don't want to be. I work at a place where everyone is dying. At least I'm not killing them. However, television, silence and stagnation are killing me. Well, thats my theory anyhow. I thought my false attempts at living a good life would at least keep me in a good physical realm. If I can't control my emotions, if being a hermit isn't what I want, at least I could control my body. A month ago I found out I was wrong. I woke up with a tightness in my chest. It didn't go away and now I"m in the hospital. So much for control. So much for living. You told me you didn't love me. My chest has gotten tighter and tighter since then. I lost control when I met you. You'd think someone in love would love themselves. I don't know if I do or can. There is no control. The doctors don't know whats wrong but it looks like my left valve in my heart is gonna fail anyday. Thats okay, it failed me long ago.