On the dawn of a revolution lets put a bullet in our heads
Okay, so my user pic here. Everyone thinks it was me in junior high or something, which I appreciate because despite my beard I wish I was more androdgynous (wow I spelled that wrong). The picture is of Liz from Degrassi Junior High, not this 'next generation' shit, I"m talking about the original. Represent! That is what I'm talking aboot.
Anyway, I order Degrassi High, the complete collection. I got it today and I'm totally stoked. I watched about half of disc one. The High school years start with Erika (one of the twins) getting an abortion. Turns out that Liz, my favorite punk rock character, is totally pro-life and starts posting pictures of dead fetuses on Erika's locker. I wasn't as familiar with the high school years of Degrassi and I totally forgot about this whole mess. Liz has let me down and I don't know how to feel.
On one hand, I still dig that Liz has an opinion and says 'fuck the world' and expresses it in a fairly militant way. This is a punk that will put a boot through your front window to prove a point, that is pretty gnarly. However, calling someone that got an abortion a murderer? Come on now, that just isn't cool.
On a side note, in one of the episodes Spike wore an ALF shirt. That shit was awesome.
Anyway, back to the point at hand, I'm very conflicted here, I think I need to find a new favorite character. Or maybe I can have a favorite 'junior high' character and a different 'high' character. So far for the high school years I like mya. She is one of Catlin's friends and is pretty gnarly. Or maybe I should stop worrying about this cause none of these people are real and even if there were real...they are all high school kids. Man I get wrapped up in teenage drama. I'm 23 years old, shouldn't I be concerned about the stock market and buying a new tie for my professional image!? Fuck that. But still, getting caught up in high school drama? What the fuck have I grown up to become?
But ya know, in high school I was 'pro-life.' I never called anyone that got an abortion a murderer (well, never to anyone's face - I guess I can't put something that fucked up passed myself). Anyway, in high school I didn't know any better - I was trying to fight for what was right and just had to live and learn.
The episodes show how hard it is for Erika to deal with everything and how people keep giving her shit for doing something that she really never wanted. I wonder what I would have thought watching these when I was in high school. Man, I have changed a lot and I am glad I did otherwise I would be some total tyrant right now. Perhaps an 'xtyrantx'?...no, not at all - fuck guns.
So anyway, whenever I get caught up in these teenage dramas like Degrassi or MSCL I always seem to identify with the female characters. It really doesn't help with my gender issues at all. So anyway, I take these online surveys and get paid for them. After watching Degrassi tonight I got one of the surveys in my email and it asked my gender. Of course I was given only two options and I usually put 'male' because that is what I am the most comfortable with, however tonight I decided that I was feeling very feminine, so I put 'female.' I was then fed a bunch of questions about how much weight I wanted to lose even though I put that I was underweight. I was then asked a bunch of questions about my self esteem.
How am I supposed to have self esteem when you are feeding me these questions that make me feel like shit? I felt more like shit people these questions told me how most America women view themselves. This made me realize that I am not a woman even though I may have a bigger feminine side than most male bodied people. However, I wonder if I would answer those questions different if I wasn't naturally thin.
I remember in high school wearing tight thermal shirts because of how skinny I was I had this skinny ass almost hourglass figure. I was so thin that my body went inward and then back out at my hips. I have talked on here before how I wish I had hips and in high school I pretended I did. I guess I do have some body issues and because I am male bodied and naturally thin, they have been much easier to deal with than if I was born female bodied. Though dealing with body hair has been hard. I wish I could get rid of all the hair on my stomach and cheast. I will keep my beard, armpit and leg hair (though losing my armpit hair wouldn't be bad).
Wow thinking about it now, it really does bother me. Not enough to cause me too much emotional or mental distress, but if I could get rid of it in a way that wasn't too painful or expensive I would do it. I don't wanna nair myself, but maybe I should try it. Maybe I should try shaving my armpits too, or at least trimming it, though last time I did that it itched HORRIBLY.
Goddamn testosterone. I am a vegan, so I get plenty of soy, why isn't the estrogen doing anything! Well it probably is and the issue is that I need to take a testosterone blocker to prevent the testosterone I am making from working. Cause male bodied people have estrogen too, so having more of it doesn't do what stopping testosterone would do.
In high school I would pluck hairs from my chest thinking that it would stop the hair from growing. I knew that it wouldn't happen but I held on to that hope. Then one day I just couldn't keep up. Goddamn puberty thing.
In relation to those questions I was fed about being a female correlating to being insecure about your weight, it made me think about this one question I am fed on the assessment tool at my work. Basically when I do an assessment for work, I talk to a client about all different parts of their life and one question is 'How would the client discribe their neighborhood?' And all the options are negative. Basically the client has to say something bad about their neighborhood or I can't check a box. Another question asks 'Why is the client unemployed?' and all the options suggest that it is the person's fault that they are not working. Like where do I check 'racist unequal schooling opportunities, capitalism's victim, or michigan's economy sucks right now?' Those aren't options because if you don't work it is your fault! Fuck that shit. I was thinking today about this thing I read where chomsky was talking about an anarchist society where people worked because they wanted to. It is really fucked up that I am paid to do what I do. Honestly in a world where I didn't have to worry about insurance and paying rent and shit, I probably would do my job differently. For example right now, when I stay at work after 5pm, I question how long I am going to stay. If I wasn't worried about money I would do my job until it was done. But now, I don't want to overexert myself and burn out. Basically I don't want to give more than I am worth. And how do you put a worth on your labor? And how come those worths are based on what degree I hold? College was a fucking joke. It is almost as big of a joke as the asshole I met there, those people are jokes. Sure there were many people that I met who wear very intelligent and deserve the degrees they were working towards, but I honestly didn't work that hard for my degree, I lucked out somehow and I don't understand I how I keep coming out on top. I seriously shouldn't be doing as good as I am right now, but whatever, I guess I'll shut up and take it.
But what about the assholes who are way stupider than I am that walked away with degrees as well? What about my classmate in grad school who wanted to be a social worker so she could bring people to christ (as in Jesus)? Why the fuck do they get a raised salary when my clients who are nice and talented can't get a minimum wage job at Kmart? Sure some of my clients are lazy and some of them don't have marketable talents, but that is the problem. No one is lazy or untalented in every part of their lives. Because we have put a wage over our heads and have been told how to use our talents, we all are being defined by that. With our talents denied and our worth in society shot to shit, why shouldn't we be lazy? Why contribute to a society that doesn't give a shit about you? If I worked at McDonalds, I would be pissing in your drink as well. Fuck you and your degree, if you are so smart learn how to ccok food yourself you self important cocksucking syphillis blister.
Plus if these high up executives are so busy working where they don't learn to cook for themselves and therefore fast food is 'essential' to their environmentally devestating lives, why don't they delegate some power? I would much rather work less hours and be able to cook my own food and be with my family and friends more than make a few extra bucks so I can get a 'nicer' care and constantly worry that someone is going to scratch the paint on it.
Fuck the American dream. Fuck it with rusty broken screwdriver that is in my basement. And while you are at it, once you got that dream loosened up, put on those gloves that you wear to skin potatoes and fist fuck that dream with all of your might.
I hate economics, I hate capitalism and I hate you.
Liz, why do you have to be pro-life?
Notice I ended this post with what really matters.
Anyway, I order Degrassi High, the complete collection. I got it today and I'm totally stoked. I watched about half of disc one. The High school years start with Erika (one of the twins) getting an abortion. Turns out that Liz, my favorite punk rock character, is totally pro-life and starts posting pictures of dead fetuses on Erika's locker. I wasn't as familiar with the high school years of Degrassi and I totally forgot about this whole mess. Liz has let me down and I don't know how to feel.
On one hand, I still dig that Liz has an opinion and says 'fuck the world' and expresses it in a fairly militant way. This is a punk that will put a boot through your front window to prove a point, that is pretty gnarly. However, calling someone that got an abortion a murderer? Come on now, that just isn't cool.
On a side note, in one of the episodes Spike wore an ALF shirt. That shit was awesome.
Anyway, back to the point at hand, I'm very conflicted here, I think I need to find a new favorite character. Or maybe I can have a favorite 'junior high' character and a different 'high' character. So far for the high school years I like mya. She is one of Catlin's friends and is pretty gnarly. Or maybe I should stop worrying about this cause none of these people are real and even if there were real...they are all high school kids. Man I get wrapped up in teenage drama. I'm 23 years old, shouldn't I be concerned about the stock market and buying a new tie for my professional image!? Fuck that. But still, getting caught up in high school drama? What the fuck have I grown up to become?
But ya know, in high school I was 'pro-life.' I never called anyone that got an abortion a murderer (well, never to anyone's face - I guess I can't put something that fucked up passed myself). Anyway, in high school I didn't know any better - I was trying to fight for what was right and just had to live and learn.
The episodes show how hard it is for Erika to deal with everything and how people keep giving her shit for doing something that she really never wanted. I wonder what I would have thought watching these when I was in high school. Man, I have changed a lot and I am glad I did otherwise I would be some total tyrant right now. Perhaps an 'xtyrantx'?...no, not at all - fuck guns.
So anyway, whenever I get caught up in these teenage dramas like Degrassi or MSCL I always seem to identify with the female characters. It really doesn't help with my gender issues at all. So anyway, I take these online surveys and get paid for them. After watching Degrassi tonight I got one of the surveys in my email and it asked my gender. Of course I was given only two options and I usually put 'male' because that is what I am the most comfortable with, however tonight I decided that I was feeling very feminine, so I put 'female.' I was then fed a bunch of questions about how much weight I wanted to lose even though I put that I was underweight. I was then asked a bunch of questions about my self esteem.
How am I supposed to have self esteem when you are feeding me these questions that make me feel like shit? I felt more like shit people these questions told me how most America women view themselves. This made me realize that I am not a woman even though I may have a bigger feminine side than most male bodied people. However, I wonder if I would answer those questions different if I wasn't naturally thin.
I remember in high school wearing tight thermal shirts because of how skinny I was I had this skinny ass almost hourglass figure. I was so thin that my body went inward and then back out at my hips. I have talked on here before how I wish I had hips and in high school I pretended I did. I guess I do have some body issues and because I am male bodied and naturally thin, they have been much easier to deal with than if I was born female bodied. Though dealing with body hair has been hard. I wish I could get rid of all the hair on my stomach and cheast. I will keep my beard, armpit and leg hair (though losing my armpit hair wouldn't be bad).
Wow thinking about it now, it really does bother me. Not enough to cause me too much emotional or mental distress, but if I could get rid of it in a way that wasn't too painful or expensive I would do it. I don't wanna nair myself, but maybe I should try it. Maybe I should try shaving my armpits too, or at least trimming it, though last time I did that it itched HORRIBLY.
Goddamn testosterone. I am a vegan, so I get plenty of soy, why isn't the estrogen doing anything! Well it probably is and the issue is that I need to take a testosterone blocker to prevent the testosterone I am making from working. Cause male bodied people have estrogen too, so having more of it doesn't do what stopping testosterone would do.
In high school I would pluck hairs from my chest thinking that it would stop the hair from growing. I knew that it wouldn't happen but I held on to that hope. Then one day I just couldn't keep up. Goddamn puberty thing.
In relation to those questions I was fed about being a female correlating to being insecure about your weight, it made me think about this one question I am fed on the assessment tool at my work. Basically when I do an assessment for work, I talk to a client about all different parts of their life and one question is 'How would the client discribe their neighborhood?' And all the options are negative. Basically the client has to say something bad about their neighborhood or I can't check a box. Another question asks 'Why is the client unemployed?' and all the options suggest that it is the person's fault that they are not working. Like where do I check 'racist unequal schooling opportunities, capitalism's victim, or michigan's economy sucks right now?' Those aren't options because if you don't work it is your fault! Fuck that shit. I was thinking today about this thing I read where chomsky was talking about an anarchist society where people worked because they wanted to. It is really fucked up that I am paid to do what I do. Honestly in a world where I didn't have to worry about insurance and paying rent and shit, I probably would do my job differently. For example right now, when I stay at work after 5pm, I question how long I am going to stay. If I wasn't worried about money I would do my job until it was done. But now, I don't want to overexert myself and burn out. Basically I don't want to give more than I am worth. And how do you put a worth on your labor? And how come those worths are based on what degree I hold? College was a fucking joke. It is almost as big of a joke as the asshole I met there, those people are jokes. Sure there were many people that I met who wear very intelligent and deserve the degrees they were working towards, but I honestly didn't work that hard for my degree, I lucked out somehow and I don't understand I how I keep coming out on top. I seriously shouldn't be doing as good as I am right now, but whatever, I guess I'll shut up and take it.
But what about the assholes who are way stupider than I am that walked away with degrees as well? What about my classmate in grad school who wanted to be a social worker so she could bring people to christ (as in Jesus)? Why the fuck do they get a raised salary when my clients who are nice and talented can't get a minimum wage job at Kmart? Sure some of my clients are lazy and some of them don't have marketable talents, but that is the problem. No one is lazy or untalented in every part of their lives. Because we have put a wage over our heads and have been told how to use our talents, we all are being defined by that. With our talents denied and our worth in society shot to shit, why shouldn't we be lazy? Why contribute to a society that doesn't give a shit about you? If I worked at McDonalds, I would be pissing in your drink as well. Fuck you and your degree, if you are so smart learn how to ccok food yourself you self important cocksucking syphillis blister.
Plus if these high up executives are so busy working where they don't learn to cook for themselves and therefore fast food is 'essential' to their environmentally devestating lives, why don't they delegate some power? I would much rather work less hours and be able to cook my own food and be with my family and friends more than make a few extra bucks so I can get a 'nicer' care and constantly worry that someone is going to scratch the paint on it.
Fuck the American dream. Fuck it with rusty broken screwdriver that is in my basement. And while you are at it, once you got that dream loosened up, put on those gloves that you wear to skin potatoes and fist fuck that dream with all of your might.
I hate economics, I hate capitalism and I hate you.
Liz, why do you have to be pro-life?
Notice I ended this post with what really matters.