House ficlet: Got the Poison, Got the Remedy [Chase-centric]
Title: “Got the Poison, Got the Remedy”
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: G
Timeline: Episode 6x05 - Brave Heart
Summary: Chase wants to talk to a priest because- [Spoilers up to 5x06]
Disclaimer: House M.D. belongs to David Shore and a bunch of other cool people.
A/N: Uhm… don’t ask! >_<
GOT THE POISON, GOT THE REMEDY
He will deceive himself all he likes. This way, things might work out.
The truth is, he wants to talk to a priest because a doctor will not care for what he feels. A doctor will analyze and dig deep and dissect and explore - and not help. A priest will judge (and deny it) and accuse and basically just hand him a shovel and tell him to start digging a grave for himself faster than he can say-
Forgive me.
Doctors care for diseases, not humans who carry them. He knows it because he is a doctor. But priests… They care for something else, something that is inside a human being - and he isn’t quite sure if that helps him at the moment, but it’s better than being analyzed. Maybe House is right (of course he is; he’s always right): he just needs this feeling of guilt.
He swings back and forth between forgive me and I did what I had to do. Back and forth, as if riding a wave. When being accused, he protests and defends himself. When he’s out in the bar getting wasted, he wallows in self-pity mingled with fear that tastes worse than the cheapest alcohol. Somehow life has spun out of control and it keeps rotating at a dizzying speed like a whirligig he cannot stop. The room that makes his throat constrict. Allison’s worried, inquiring looks. House’s ‘get help’. Blood everywhere. There’s no cutting it off now.
He drinks, and drinks some more. With every shot, a loud voice in his mind drums into his head:
I did what I had to do.
It all amounts to nothing in the end.
October 21, 2009
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: G
Timeline: Episode 6x05 - Brave Heart
Summary: Chase wants to talk to a priest because- [Spoilers up to 5x06]
Disclaimer: House M.D. belongs to David Shore and a bunch of other cool people.
A/N: Uhm… don’t ask! >_<
GOT THE POISON, GOT THE REMEDY
He will deceive himself all he likes. This way, things might work out.
The truth is, he wants to talk to a priest because a doctor will not care for what he feels. A doctor will analyze and dig deep and dissect and explore - and not help. A priest will judge (and deny it) and accuse and basically just hand him a shovel and tell him to start digging a grave for himself faster than he can say-
Forgive me.
Doctors care for diseases, not humans who carry them. He knows it because he is a doctor. But priests… They care for something else, something that is inside a human being - and he isn’t quite sure if that helps him at the moment, but it’s better than being analyzed. Maybe House is right (of course he is; he’s always right): he just needs this feeling of guilt.
He swings back and forth between forgive me and I did what I had to do. Back and forth, as if riding a wave. When being accused, he protests and defends himself. When he’s out in the bar getting wasted, he wallows in self-pity mingled with fear that tastes worse than the cheapest alcohol. Somehow life has spun out of control and it keeps rotating at a dizzying speed like a whirligig he cannot stop. The room that makes his throat constrict. Allison’s worried, inquiring looks. House’s ‘get help’. Blood everywhere. There’s no cutting it off now.
He drinks, and drinks some more. With every shot, a loud voice in his mind drums into his head:
I did what I had to do.
It all amounts to nothing in the end.
October 21, 2009