Tsunade's heart
Title: “She Had A Heart”
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: G
Summary: Tsunade just wants to see their smiles one more time. Please R&R!
Disclaimer: belongs to Kishimoto Masashi and whoever else that is not me…
A/N: Takes place during the one week when Tsunade was considering Orochimaru’s offer and Naruto was learning to use the Rasengan. Some remarks are taken directly from the manga. It’s just a little introspective ficlet.
SHE HAD A HEART
She had a heart once. Later on she wished she hadn’t because to feel it shatter into a million pieces, to shrivel like a burnt leaf was more than she could bear.
Sometimes alone at night she could still feel his blood on her hands. Her throat raw from screaming, “Stop! Stop! Stop!” she had drained her chakra to keep him alive. His every breath, every strained inhale that had threatened to be the last had been sweeping through her mind like a drumroll. He had died, and she had still screamed: “Stop! Stop!”
The world around her had gone mute. She would have rather died in his stead. He’d had a dream. A beautiful dream. Drenched in Dan’s blood, Tsunade had sat over his body, numb, paralyzed, emaciated. That body in front of her could not have been Dan. Refusing to believe he’d died, Tsunade’d started rubbing her hands frantically as she’d tried to wipe off the blood. It’d been all over her. That gore. That blood belonged inside Dan’s veins, not over Tsunade’s clothes. It stung her skin, smoked on her hair as it stuck together in damp streaks, stained her forehead protector.
Many moons ago Tsunade lost herself. She would never forget. That sickening feeling would come back over and over again, harassing her in her dreams. She’d wake up sweating and panting, her throat pounding like a minute bomb. She had to wipe herself clean of Dan’s blood.
She never could.
Eventually the memories dimmed and remained behind her. She never forgot them completely, the two smiling faces that would never smile again, but she had learnt not to let them control her actions. Day by day she gambled bits and pieces of her precious life away, wasting away with alcohol and games of hazard. She had always liked betting, after all. She always lost.
Unaware of it, she lived constantly waiting for this day to come. She’d been approached twice with two completely different offers - to relieve her pain of yore or to fulfill her duty.
For the first time in years Tsunade felt Dan’s blood crawl over her skin once again. Hot and sickly, it carried the threat of consuming her. Fighting revulsion, she locked herself up in the hotel room along with a bottle of sake and drank till she blacked out. She hoped she could cut the images of their smiling faces out of her memory.
Damn Jiraiya!
Tsunade slammed her fist into the floor weakly. Why the hell did he have to bring that darned little brat along!? That insolent walking tuft of yellow hair with huge mischievous eyes the colour of the summer sky, a petty parody of a ninja who didn’t know when to keep his blabbery mouth shut!.. The idiot boy had a dream. And when he spoke of it, Tsunade felt that something inside her crushed.
“I want to become Hokage! Unlike you, I do not think it’s an empty word. It means something to me!”
Come to think of it, he even looked somewhat like Nawaki.
Tsunade brushed her lips over the mouth of the bottle. Drunken tears streamed down her cheeks.
A week after that night Naruto stood before her radiating determination and power. A mere genin despite the monstrous Nine-Tails sealed within him, he shielded her trembling form and glared at his opponent with fierce, passionate eyes.
‘Nawaki,’ Tsunade thought.
She couldn’t let go. Dan’s blood spilled all over her. She was drowning in that vermilion swamp.
Once, Dan took her on a walk. Evening veiled the hilltops in the soft glow of stars. They gazed above, holding hands; Tsunade felt so warm inside, and she smiled when he took her in his arms.
He told her about his dream to bring peace and prosperity to the Hidden Leaf Village.
“Do you think it’s a fool’s hope?” he asked.
Tsunade put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. It was a warm, still night that consisted of sweet-smelling darkness, the screeching of cicadas and the warmth of Dan’s body against hers.
“I think it’s a beautiful dream,” Tsunade whispered.
After all, there must have been a reason for Jiraiya to let that impudent genin come along.
Images of the loved ones danced before her. Naruto was dying. ‘Don’t you dare die on me!’ Tsunade screamed silently.
No, he would not die! She had been powerless to save Dan and Nawaki, but she could save this one. She put her necklace around his neck and whispered:
“I want to see you wear it.”
People had died because of it. The necklace of bad luck. What would it be to the one who’d mastered the Rasengan in one week?
“I can’t let him die!” Tsunade decided. “He is the future Hokage.”
Blood was all over her; Orochimaru’s blood, Kabuto’s, even the wet warmth of Naruto’s bruises left an imprint on her hands.
“I won,” Naruto whispered before passing out.
He’d washed away Dan’s blood.
* * *
“Heck, she’s no good for the job, that old hag!” the boy yelled. “She’s rough, and selfish, and she’s a gambler, and she lies about her age!..”
“Let’s take it out!” Tsunade said, her tone heavy with warning.
Outside the bar in the middle of the street where the sun shed its blinding light over them Tsunade smiled as Naruto prepared to take the blow. Instead she leaned into him and kissed him gently on the forehead like she used to kiss Nawaki.
“Be a good man. And a good Hokage someday.”
After a moment of wondrous hesitation, Naruto’s face brightened into a huge smile.
“Roger!”
She’d had a heart. She’d lost it.
He had her heart now, that sunshine-bright boy hell bent on becoming Hokage. He who used no forbidden jutsu but let her see their smiles once again.
July 14 - 15, 2007