Angsty Sasuke and Naruto piece

[istne_pieklo]

Title: “Warriors Of Spirit”

Author: Shaitanah

Rating: PG-13

Summary: On a lonely training ground in the rain Naruto finally gets a bit closer to his eternal adversary-turned-partner Uchiha Sasuke. [May be viewed as pre-slash if you squint] Please R&R!

Disclaimer: belongs to Kishimoto Masashi and whoever else that is not me…

A/N: This was my first

Comments

[saintalecto]

I liked where you were going with this but sometimes the character's actions was a little disjointed-- the story didn't flow like it should have.

I got confused around the middle- the boys were supposed to be sparring and then they collapse from exhaustion and the Naruto puts his hand on Sasuke's chest and then???????

That part confused me. Lot's of times, I was left wondering, "When did he move to do that?"

As a writer, you proably see the scene pretty clearly in your head but you have to do a better job of relaying that to the reader.

But otherwise, I thought it was refreshing that your Sasu/Naru(or however you like to pair them) didn't have any lemon or yaoi and instead you concentrate on their strange and dynamic friendship. ^_^

[istne_pieklo]

Hmm... You might be right; it is a bit blurry, but then again it's through Naruto's eyes (sort of) and I guess it indicates how he felt at the moment. I didn't want it to be too detailed. A lot of movements descriptions usually make the story too slow and heavy. But thanks, I'll be more attentive next time.
I like yaoi and lemon; I just don't see them doing anything of the sort at that time. It's even before the Chuunin exam))
Thank you so much for the comment!

[saintalecto]

I didn't want it to be too detailed. A lot of movements descriptions usually make the story too slow and heavy.

Yea, you're right. It's really hard trying to balance Naruto's thought patterns with coherent and flowing action. That's why I don't write Naruto fics! ^^ But I really enjoy reading them--it's hard to find good ones so I'm glad I came across yours.

[istne_pieklo]

I just can't resist. It's much easier to write Sasuke, but I'm working on Naruto as hard as I can. I even have one crazy fic written directly from Naruto's POV, first person (not posted yet, though). He's become easier to understand in Shippuuden. Maybe I just like to toy with people's obsessions)))
I'm flattered you think mine is a good fic. I mostly hate my own writing.

[zanypomegranate]

“Oi, Sasuke!” Naruto called. “What on earth has the pillar done to you?” No reaction. It simply amused and intrigued Naruto to no end. He came closer and commented with a wink: “Now that’s hardly a fair fight. It can’t answer you, can it?”

Haha, I loved that part for some odd reason. (: The idea of Sasuke just hitting a stone pillar amuses me like hell.

I liked it and the way you portrayed the friendship that those two odd balls have.

(:

[istne_pieklo]

Thanks! They are both so stubborn. I guess they could be hitting that stone pillar till the end of the world if they had to))

[zanypomegranate]

I'd pay to see that (:

[istne_pieklo]

Hell yeah!)))

[istne_pieklo]

Правда? Ну я счастлива)) Ну он правда всю жизнь сражается с камнем. Упрямо бьет в одно и то же место, причиняя боль только себе.

[dune_master]

Cute. I love this.

[istne_pieklo]

Merci!