Prison Break: Fading (Alex and Michael)
Title: “Fading”
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: PG
Spoilers: up to 4x11 Quiet Riot.
Summary: Watching someone fade away before your very eyes is never easy. Alex fears the world as it will be without Michael.
Disclaimer: Prison Break belongs to Paul Scheuring and FOX and whoever else that is not me. Lyrics from One By One by The Calling.
A/N: We’re almost halfway through Season 4 already, and I haven’t written anything for it yet. The last few episodes have been really scary in terms of Michael’s health. So, there…
Dedication: To dune_master in honour of the birthday we share today. It’s not technically a present. (Who am I kidding; of course it is!)
FADING
One by one
We stand beneath the sun
With arms high open wide…
People like Michael Scofield are exactly what destroys a good cop. Imagine: you spend your entire life chasing bad guys, thinking you’re doing something good, something to make your existence worthwhile - and one day along comes the guy who is innocent, but you just have to catch him. You rush after him, put yourself on the line - and you’re still firmly convinced that you’re doing a good thing.
That’s what saves you. Keeps you going.
Conviction.
But sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes it lets you down. Sometimes it is destroyed when you realize that you believed a lie, deliberately blinded yourself from the truth.
All of them went down. Abruzzi, Apolskis, Patoshik… Which brings him back to Shales, the body in the garden. Years of haunting doubts, nesting in his brain; popping drugs; that’s where chasing bad guys gets you.
Alex opens his eyes, snapping back to the white daylight from the pitch-black of his memories.
He’s okay now.
It took one Michael Scofield to bring him down, erase him and rewrite him, but he’s okay now. An utter failure as a father, a husband, an agent - but regardless of how Michael has affected him, he can’t bring himself to blame him. And he makes up his mind to be okay.
But the point is that Michael is not okay. Alex can’t even look at him without a hundred thousand scenarios being played continuously in his mind.
Michael is…
No, he can’t bring himself to say it.
Without Michael, it would all be meaningless. The world would be a horrid drug-induced delirium. Not even the absence of Michael is enough for Alex to return to drugs (hell, even Cameron wasn’t enough! and thank God.), but then again, without Michael, he wouldn’t have to. The world would be a frightening enough place even if he’s clean.
Michael is dying.
Michael faints. Rivulets of blood spill from his nostrils. He is exhausted, and restless, but still going on like a rolling stone. It is something Alex has always admired him for. But he has never been concerned about it. Right now, this thing, this quality that makes Michael Michael is a danger to him. It’s killing him.
Alex overhears Sara talking to him. She wants him to go to the hospital. He needs a surgery.
He says no. Not until they get Scylla.
If Michael dies, does it mean there is no justice in this world?
Alex doesn’t want to dwell on it. Doesn’t want to identify Michael with the notions of justice or anything major like that. If there was but a hint of justice, none of this would have ever happened.
If there was but a hint of justice, Lincoln Burrows wouldn’t have been sentenced to death; Michael Scofield wouldn’t have broken him out of prison; Sara Tancredi wouldn’t have lost her father, her job, her medical license and would never have been tortured. If there was justice, Alex wouldn’t have worked for the Company, trying to get innocent men back behind bars, and his wife wouldn’t have witnessed the murder of their son.
Cameron would have been alive. But he’s not - and that makes the world a very much unjust place.
Considering all that, how would the death of one Michael Scofield affect him? Alex doesn’t know. Is afraid to know.
Right now he feels like he’s back on drugs.
* * *
Two by two
He's getting you
To watch him as he leaves this life he knew.
Alex pokes his head into the open bathroom door to see if Michael is alone. It’s not like people usually go to the bathroom in large companies, but here, you never know. Not to mention, Sara and Lincoln would be keeping an eye on him.
Alex’s face, reflected in the mirror, seems like a ghostly smudge. Michael lifts his head and looks at him without turning around.
“You don’t have to,” he says huskily and deliberately.
“What?”
“Talk me out of it. I’ve made up my mind.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Alex says automatically. It’s half a lie: he isn’t sure why he came, in the first place. “If…” he begins, and stumbles. If what? If he dies? Alex can’t just say that straight to his face. “If anything goes wrong…”
“If anything goes wrong, I have chosen it,” Michael cuts him off. “Sara told me…” He takes a deep, heavy breath, swallows thickly and goes on: “She told me that after we’re through there shouldn’t be any guilt. We could just leave the past behind.”
Another sharp inhale. Alex cocks his head, wondering where this leads.
“You think we can all do that, Alex?”
Good question.
“No guilt,” Alex says, rolling the words in his mouth, as though trying them out.
Can he live on if Michael dies and not feel guilty about how they had fucked up each other’s lives?
Michael turns around, his eyes hard. Despite the bitterness of the moment Alex can’t hold back a snort: he always knew the guy was suicidal. It’s part of what he likes and hates about him at the same time: it reminds him of the way he could have been.
Michael walks past him like a shadow. The bathroom door creaks open for an instant - and there, Michael’s out.
Alex presses himself full-length against the wall and shuts his eyes briefly. If Michael can do it, so can he. And maybe, if they just do it on time, there will be no need to wonder what the world is like without Michael Scofield.
Do you ever think that things are meant to be?
I know we all have our reasons why
And now the power of one human being
Has gone and changed so many lives...
December 9-10, 2008
Author: Shaitanah
Rating: PG
Spoilers: up to 4x11 Quiet Riot.
Summary: Watching someone fade away before your very eyes is never easy. Alex fears the world as it will be without Michael.
Disclaimer: Prison Break belongs to Paul Scheuring and FOX and whoever else that is not me. Lyrics from One By One by The Calling.
A/N: We’re almost halfway through Season 4 already, and I haven’t written anything for it yet. The last few episodes have been really scary in terms of Michael’s health. So, there…
Dedication: To dune_master in honour of the birthday we share today. It’s not technically a present. (Who am I kidding; of course it is!)
FADING
One by one
We stand beneath the sun
With arms high open wide…
People like Michael Scofield are exactly what destroys a good cop. Imagine: you spend your entire life chasing bad guys, thinking you’re doing something good, something to make your existence worthwhile - and one day along comes the guy who is innocent, but you just have to catch him. You rush after him, put yourself on the line - and you’re still firmly convinced that you’re doing a good thing.
That’s what saves you. Keeps you going.
Conviction.
But sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes it lets you down. Sometimes it is destroyed when you realize that you believed a lie, deliberately blinded yourself from the truth.
All of them went down. Abruzzi, Apolskis, Patoshik… Which brings him back to Shales, the body in the garden. Years of haunting doubts, nesting in his brain; popping drugs; that’s where chasing bad guys gets you.
Alex opens his eyes, snapping back to the white daylight from the pitch-black of his memories.
He’s okay now.
It took one Michael Scofield to bring him down, erase him and rewrite him, but he’s okay now. An utter failure as a father, a husband, an agent - but regardless of how Michael has affected him, he can’t bring himself to blame him. And he makes up his mind to be okay.
But the point is that Michael is not okay. Alex can’t even look at him without a hundred thousand scenarios being played continuously in his mind.
Michael is…
No, he can’t bring himself to say it.
Without Michael, it would all be meaningless. The world would be a horrid drug-induced delirium. Not even the absence of Michael is enough for Alex to return to drugs (hell, even Cameron wasn’t enough! and thank God.), but then again, without Michael, he wouldn’t have to. The world would be a frightening enough place even if he’s clean.
Michael is dying.
Michael faints. Rivulets of blood spill from his nostrils. He is exhausted, and restless, but still going on like a rolling stone. It is something Alex has always admired him for. But he has never been concerned about it. Right now, this thing, this quality that makes Michael Michael is a danger to him. It’s killing him.
Alex overhears Sara talking to him. She wants him to go to the hospital. He needs a surgery.
He says no. Not until they get Scylla.
If Michael dies, does it mean there is no justice in this world?
Alex doesn’t want to dwell on it. Doesn’t want to identify Michael with the notions of justice or anything major like that. If there was but a hint of justice, none of this would have ever happened.
If there was but a hint of justice, Lincoln Burrows wouldn’t have been sentenced to death; Michael Scofield wouldn’t have broken him out of prison; Sara Tancredi wouldn’t have lost her father, her job, her medical license and would never have been tortured. If there was justice, Alex wouldn’t have worked for the Company, trying to get innocent men back behind bars, and his wife wouldn’t have witnessed the murder of their son.
Cameron would have been alive. But he’s not - and that makes the world a very much unjust place.
Considering all that, how would the death of one Michael Scofield affect him? Alex doesn’t know. Is afraid to know.
Right now he feels like he’s back on drugs.
* * *
Two by two
He's getting you
To watch him as he leaves this life he knew.
Alex pokes his head into the open bathroom door to see if Michael is alone. It’s not like people usually go to the bathroom in large companies, but here, you never know. Not to mention, Sara and Lincoln would be keeping an eye on him.
Alex’s face, reflected in the mirror, seems like a ghostly smudge. Michael lifts his head and looks at him without turning around.
“You don’t have to,” he says huskily and deliberately.
“What?”
“Talk me out of it. I’ve made up my mind.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Alex says automatically. It’s half a lie: he isn’t sure why he came, in the first place. “If…” he begins, and stumbles. If what? If he dies? Alex can’t just say that straight to his face. “If anything goes wrong…”
“If anything goes wrong, I have chosen it,” Michael cuts him off. “Sara told me…” He takes a deep, heavy breath, swallows thickly and goes on: “She told me that after we’re through there shouldn’t be any guilt. We could just leave the past behind.”
Another sharp inhale. Alex cocks his head, wondering where this leads.
“You think we can all do that, Alex?”
Good question.
“No guilt,” Alex says, rolling the words in his mouth, as though trying them out.
Can he live on if Michael dies and not feel guilty about how they had fucked up each other’s lives?
Michael turns around, his eyes hard. Despite the bitterness of the moment Alex can’t hold back a snort: he always knew the guy was suicidal. It’s part of what he likes and hates about him at the same time: it reminds him of the way he could have been.
Michael walks past him like a shadow. The bathroom door creaks open for an instant - and there, Michael’s out.
Alex presses himself full-length against the wall and shuts his eyes briefly. If Michael can do it, so can he. And maybe, if they just do it on time, there will be no need to wonder what the world is like without Michael Scofield.
Do you ever think that things are meant to be?
I know we all have our reasons why
And now the power of one human being
Has gone and changed so many lives...
December 9-10, 2008