what happened?
Sometimes, I think that I'll never be able to live my dreams. Especially on days like today.
I think back, and I wonder what happened. Why is my life the way it is right now? Is it because I was born into a lowest of the lower middle-class family? Is it because I didn't work hard enough in high school to earn scholarships to go to college and get my degree? Is it that I was never given encouragement in the proper ways to make me want to "succeed"?
I don't know what it was exactly, but something happened.
I'll be 28 years old in exactly 24 days, and I have nothing to show for it. I have no education to speak of, no degree, of course. I don't have a relationship, I have horrible credit, a piece of crap, wrecked car, an barely any friends. I don't have much of a stable work history, and no real experience in anything.
But, this post isn't spurred on by my upcoming rise in age...no. It's about living my dreams. I'll never make enough money to do what I really want to do, which is move to New York City. It would take me three years to save up enough money to move there, and feel secure enough to make it. It would take me two years to save up enough to move there and be completely insecure, financially. Two years is too long. I could compromise, though. I could just move to New York state, outside of the city, and make it, and in less than two years. That would probably take about a year and a half. Maybe a bit less. I could do that.
I'm sick of just existing. I want to start living for once. It's hard to really feel like you're doing more than just existing in Oklahoma. It's all the same. I've lived here my entire life, save for 6 mostly glorious months in Washington...but that wasn't by choice. I want to do something that's just absolutely for me and my happiness, and I feel like I could achieve that, in some way, by moving to New York.
But I don't know if it'll ever happen. I can try to make it happen, but it seems so incredibly impossible right now.
I just want something more...something that I can't get in Oklahoma.
I think back, and I wonder what happened. Why is my life the way it is right now? Is it because I was born into a lowest of the lower middle-class family? Is it because I didn't work hard enough in high school to earn scholarships to go to college and get my degree? Is it that I was never given encouragement in the proper ways to make me want to "succeed"?
I don't know what it was exactly, but something happened.
I'll be 28 years old in exactly 24 days, and I have nothing to show for it. I have no education to speak of, no degree, of course. I don't have a relationship, I have horrible credit, a piece of crap, wrecked car, an barely any friends. I don't have much of a stable work history, and no real experience in anything.
But, this post isn't spurred on by my upcoming rise in age...no. It's about living my dreams. I'll never make enough money to do what I really want to do, which is move to New York City. It would take me three years to save up enough money to move there, and feel secure enough to make it. It would take me two years to save up enough to move there and be completely insecure, financially. Two years is too long. I could compromise, though. I could just move to New York state, outside of the city, and make it, and in less than two years. That would probably take about a year and a half. Maybe a bit less. I could do that.
I'm sick of just existing. I want to start living for once. It's hard to really feel like you're doing more than just existing in Oklahoma. It's all the same. I've lived here my entire life, save for 6 mostly glorious months in Washington...but that wasn't by choice. I want to do something that's just absolutely for me and my happiness, and I feel like I could achieve that, in some way, by moving to New York.
But I don't know if it'll ever happen. I can try to make it happen, but it seems so incredibly impossible right now.
I just want something more...something that I can't get in Oklahoma.