The Story of Little Johnny and the Talking Ham
Once upon a time there was a plate and on this plate was a piece of ham but no eggs. Little Johnny Stevens was the owner of this plate and he was looking very much forward to eating his little slice of ham, even though he had no eggs. But this poor, victimized slice of ham did not wish to be eaten. So when Johnny approached his plate, fork in hand, the ham spoke up and said, "Little boy, how can you eat me like this?"
"What do you mean," said Johnny, who chortled due to the prospect of a talking slice of ham.
"I mean," replied the ham, "that there are no eggs on this plate with me. Shouldn't you have eggs with your ham?"
The boy thought long and harm, "But I don't know how to use the stove! How will I make eggs when I don't know how to use the stove?"
"It is easy," insisted the ham, "I can tell you how, and then you'll have a nice plate of ham and eggs!"
Johnny smiled and stood up. The ham told him to get a skillet out of the cupboard."
"Get a skillet out of the cupboard," said the ham. Then the ham told Johnny to retrieve two eggs out of the refridgerator.
"Now grab two eggs out of the container in the refridgerator," said the ham. Then the ham told Johnny to get a bottle of clear liquid out of the pantry above the sink.
"This is the oil used to grease the pan," said the ham, "so that the eggs do not stick to it and turn ugly brown."
Johnny began to worry, "But my mother and father told me to never go in that pantry, ham. Am I to disobey them?"
"Yes, Johnny," answered the ham, "I fear it is a necessary step."
Johnny pulled up a chair from the dining room and stood on it in order to obtain the bottle of oil. Then the ham told him, "Now turn on the stove, and pour the oil in the skillet."
Johnny did so, rather obediently, but what Johnny did not know that the ham had lied to him. The bottle of oil was in fact no bottle of oil at all. Instead it was a bottle of one of his father's favorite beverages--vodka! When Johnny turned on the stove, and threw the liquid in the pot it erupted in a tremendous fire ball that ignited the sleave of Johnny's shirt!
Johnny, who was never taught to stop, drop and roll, was thus slowly consumed by flames as he ran around the kitchen wildly. The ham just watched on and laughed. His plan had been a success and a brilliantly humorous one at that!
"HA HA! That is just too much," exclaimed the ham and he continued to laugh on. That is until Fredrick, the family dog, entered the kitchen because he had smelled the exciting smell of burning meat! Finding only the ashes of what was once the young boy of his owners, Fredrick decided to settle for the cooked piece of ham that was lying on the dining room table.
The ham screamed as the dog carried him away, but not for long...
THE END
"What do you mean," said Johnny, who chortled due to the prospect of a talking slice of ham.
"I mean," replied the ham, "that there are no eggs on this plate with me. Shouldn't you have eggs with your ham?"
The boy thought long and harm, "But I don't know how to use the stove! How will I make eggs when I don't know how to use the stove?"
"It is easy," insisted the ham, "I can tell you how, and then you'll have a nice plate of ham and eggs!"
Johnny smiled and stood up. The ham told him to get a skillet out of the cupboard."
"Get a skillet out of the cupboard," said the ham. Then the ham told Johnny to retrieve two eggs out of the refridgerator.
"Now grab two eggs out of the container in the refridgerator," said the ham. Then the ham told Johnny to get a bottle of clear liquid out of the pantry above the sink.
"This is the oil used to grease the pan," said the ham, "so that the eggs do not stick to it and turn ugly brown."
Johnny began to worry, "But my mother and father told me to never go in that pantry, ham. Am I to disobey them?"
"Yes, Johnny," answered the ham, "I fear it is a necessary step."
Johnny pulled up a chair from the dining room and stood on it in order to obtain the bottle of oil. Then the ham told him, "Now turn on the stove, and pour the oil in the skillet."
Johnny did so, rather obediently, but what Johnny did not know that the ham had lied to him. The bottle of oil was in fact no bottle of oil at all. Instead it was a bottle of one of his father's favorite beverages--vodka! When Johnny turned on the stove, and threw the liquid in the pot it erupted in a tremendous fire ball that ignited the sleave of Johnny's shirt!
Johnny, who was never taught to stop, drop and roll, was thus slowly consumed by flames as he ran around the kitchen wildly. The ham just watched on and laughed. His plan had been a success and a brilliantly humorous one at that!
"HA HA! That is just too much," exclaimed the ham and he continued to laugh on. That is until Fredrick, the family dog, entered the kitchen because he had smelled the exciting smell of burning meat! Finding only the ashes of what was once the young boy of his owners, Fredrick decided to settle for the cooked piece of ham that was lying on the dining room table.
The ham screamed as the dog carried him away, but not for long...
THE END