......? XC
I am so thankful I have Austin.
I feel like I'm losing my mind and it's not a good/joking thing this time. I don't know what to do at all and the only thing I look forward to now is sleep and seeing him. And that might end soon because I feel like he's getting farther and farther away from me and I have this sinking feeling he's going to break up with me because of all the drama with my parents. Ugh... I don't even want to get into that subject right now. They make me a ball of nerves and I don't know how to fix it.
I miss my friends MN and MtM, they're my closest friends but I barely talk to them now. =( It's depressing. I'm going to try my hardest to see if I can see them next weekend. I really REALLY need them right now...
I did something stupid the other day and ended up hurting myself and the people I care about who found out. And it's hard to hide what I did because it's there. And the nightmare I had last night scared me so much, but there was a bit of truth to the dream which sickens me and I don't know what to do about it. I don't even think there is anything I can do about it. Smile and live on I suppose. Things will work themselves out in time. They always do. Well... unless you die. Haha, then they won't get worked out. I suppose that's the only exception.... but I could be wrong so I don't know.
It's World War 3 over here and it really sucks. Sam and mom are having a 'moment'. *rolls eyes* Everyone's yelling so it's fairly gay. Mom's crying and saying stuff that she thinks she knows but she's wrong. And she doesn't like being proven wrong so I'm just going to shut my mouth and listen again. I do that a lot. Funny, hu? I have all these thoughts and I only empty them on specific people and even then it's only wattered-down versions of the real thing. Well... except for Austin. He know's everything. O.o True, he gets mad and upset and even hurt sometimes when I tell him, but if I don't then that hurts him. So I suppose I have to choose the lesser of two evils on that one. So I just tell him and listen to him yell and comfort him if and when I can. The worst thing he does is ignore me for a while or just text '...' after everything I say instead of telling me what he thinks and feels. It kills me sometimes and makes things ten times worse for me. Oh well, I still love him. It's just really confusing and sad when I go to him for comfort and he gets upset instead so I end up comforting him instead.
School's awful and boring but hey, just grin and bare it, right?
Geometry is boring and extremely easy. *rolls eyes* it's like a fifth grade class, pretty much. It is too time-consuming though. something so easy shouldn't take up so much time. cx I'm officially making that a rule.
Well, looks like I'm not going to prom this year. My parent's don't trust me to go with Austin and I'm not being a third wheel or going with anyone else so I'm stuck. In fact, we are going to be moving so I won't even be going to my senior prom. It doesn't upset me too much. It's just a dance in fancy dresses, right? The severe lack of trust hurts but I almost expect it now. Maybe it's my age? If I had been born a year sooner, things would be much easier. Trust is supposed to be earned. I get that I really do but I haven't done anything for them not to trust me. I got in trouble for listening to one of my favorite bands and having a shirt, which was a gift. Again. It has to do with the trust that's just not there. Well once I graduate, I'm gone and whether or not they trust me won't matter. I know that's an awful thing to say but they are making me miserable. My parents think I'm going to IU but I don't want to do that. I'm going to the university of evansville. I'm afraid to tell them that now because they expect me to go someplace better... but that's where I want to be. It won't cost as much as IU and it still has a decent art program.
I'm tired still. I have been for a few weeks now. I'm not sure why but I am.
Drama at school. When is there not?
Hannah's boyfriend was cheating on her with a guy. She says it would have been fine if he had just told her.... to each their own I guess. Now she's saying she's bisexual and still handing out with her ex like she used to...
Then a bunch of other stuff that I don't care to go in to. Just overall school drama.
I miss my friends...
....
.........
Have I mentioned that I miss my friends?
Issie-chan
I feel like I'm losing my mind and it's not a good/joking thing this time. I don't know what to do at all and the only thing I look forward to now is sleep and seeing him. And that might end soon because I feel like he's getting farther and farther away from me and I have this sinking feeling he's going to break up with me because of all the drama with my parents. Ugh... I don't even want to get into that subject right now. They make me a ball of nerves and I don't know how to fix it.
I miss my friends MN and MtM, they're my closest friends but I barely talk to them now. =( It's depressing. I'm going to try my hardest to see if I can see them next weekend. I really REALLY need them right now...
I did something stupid the other day and ended up hurting myself and the people I care about who found out. And it's hard to hide what I did because it's there. And the nightmare I had last night scared me so much, but there was a bit of truth to the dream which sickens me and I don't know what to do about it. I don't even think there is anything I can do about it. Smile and live on I suppose. Things will work themselves out in time. They always do. Well... unless you die. Haha, then they won't get worked out. I suppose that's the only exception.... but I could be wrong so I don't know.
It's World War 3 over here and it really sucks. Sam and mom are having a 'moment'. *rolls eyes* Everyone's yelling so it's fairly gay. Mom's crying and saying stuff that she thinks she knows but she's wrong. And she doesn't like being proven wrong so I'm just going to shut my mouth and listen again. I do that a lot. Funny, hu? I have all these thoughts and I only empty them on specific people and even then it's only wattered-down versions of the real thing. Well... except for Austin. He know's everything. O.o True, he gets mad and upset and even hurt sometimes when I tell him, but if I don't then that hurts him. So I suppose I have to choose the lesser of two evils on that one. So I just tell him and listen to him yell and comfort him if and when I can. The worst thing he does is ignore me for a while or just text '...' after everything I say instead of telling me what he thinks and feels. It kills me sometimes and makes things ten times worse for me. Oh well, I still love him. It's just really confusing and sad when I go to him for comfort and he gets upset instead so I end up comforting him instead.
School's awful and boring but hey, just grin and bare it, right?
Geometry is boring and extremely easy. *rolls eyes* it's like a fifth grade class, pretty much. It is too time-consuming though. something so easy shouldn't take up so much time. cx I'm officially making that a rule.
Well, looks like I'm not going to prom this year. My parent's don't trust me to go with Austin and I'm not being a third wheel or going with anyone else so I'm stuck. In fact, we are going to be moving so I won't even be going to my senior prom. It doesn't upset me too much. It's just a dance in fancy dresses, right? The severe lack of trust hurts but I almost expect it now. Maybe it's my age? If I had been born a year sooner, things would be much easier. Trust is supposed to be earned. I get that I really do but I haven't done anything for them not to trust me. I got in trouble for listening to one of my favorite bands and having a shirt, which was a gift. Again. It has to do with the trust that's just not there. Well once I graduate, I'm gone and whether or not they trust me won't matter. I know that's an awful thing to say but they are making me miserable. My parents think I'm going to IU but I don't want to do that. I'm going to the university of evansville. I'm afraid to tell them that now because they expect me to go someplace better... but that's where I want to be. It won't cost as much as IU and it still has a decent art program.
I'm tired still. I have been for a few weeks now. I'm not sure why but I am.
Drama at school. When is there not?
Hannah's boyfriend was cheating on her with a guy. She says it would have been fine if he had just told her.... to each their own I guess. Now she's saying she's bisexual and still handing out with her ex like she used to...
Then a bunch of other stuff that I don't care to go in to. Just overall school drama.
I miss my friends...
....
.........
Have I mentioned that I miss my friends?
Issie-chan