How my dad makes me feel..
"I see it around me, I see it in everything.
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this...
No one cares."
"My Sundown" by Jimmy Eat World.
I have had my car taken away. I am grounded until further notice. I'm not allowed to close my bedroom door. I'm not worth trusting.
Every other night for the past 6 months I have snuck out my window to be with people that give a damn about my existance (or at least act like it). I don't sleep well anyways, which was my reasoning to leave in the first place: to utilize the time given to me that I couldn't sleep, so it wouldn't be wasted by staring at a series of glowing red numbers. Some of the best times in my life were spent in the 6 months of time that I was leaving out my window. It used to be that when I looked at a window, I saw opportunity. Escape.
Today, I look at a window and almost cower from it, because it reminds of me of all the good times I can never have again.
I may have been leaving behind my father's back, but I have not lied to him in a year. I had no reason to.
He calls the school now...to make sure I'm there.
I'm a captive in my home. I'm forced to eat, even when I'm not hungry.
I'm allowed my computer and my phone: my only resources to the outside world. My phone, I pay for, so he can't really take it away, though he threatens. He wont take my computer away unless it's a last resort, because it's where I produce my art, and it would be wrong to take it away.
I might as well have a ball and chain.
I know it's my fault that I'm grounded, that I was caught, but I'm going to miss Mario so much. I hadn't seen him in two weeks during break. I got back on New Years, at midnight, and I've spent as much time with him as I could between him working, and school. Now I'm gone again. Almost in reach of him, but surrounded by walls.
I don't even know if I'm allowed to go to youth group or church... I haven't asked yet. I don't want to even look at my father. My family isn't a family, no matter what he thinks, and I don't want any part of it, and I haven't in a year. We were a family of 3, before he started dating... That was when he and I got along. Yet he will blame any part of my life for the cause of us not getting along anymore. In reality, it's the fact that we found significant others, and we'd rather be with them then our family... Because they are our escape from family. But now, with a family of 6, we're less of a family than we were when we were 3. No one agrees, everyone talks behind the others' backs, the only time the living room is used is when company is over... The rest of the time we're each in our rooms. How does that make us a family? Why does my dad want me to be a part of that? I found families that actually wanted me to be a part of them, and include me as part of their own, why would I want to be part of this one that exists only in certificate?
I want emancipation for my birthday. I'd rather make my life difficult by being out on my own while still in highschool, than live with the hostility of my father.
I used to love him; he was the only person I was ever able to depend on...
I could be so much more than this.
I said my goodbye's this is my sundown.
I'm gonna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I need you to show me the way from crazy.
I wanna be so much more than this.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.
You'll take your time, but no one cares.
No one cares.
I could be so much more than this...
No one cares."
"My Sundown" by Jimmy Eat World.
I have had my car taken away. I am grounded until further notice. I'm not allowed to close my bedroom door. I'm not worth trusting.
Every other night for the past 6 months I have snuck out my window to be with people that give a damn about my existance (or at least act like it). I don't sleep well anyways, which was my reasoning to leave in the first place: to utilize the time given to me that I couldn't sleep, so it wouldn't be wasted by staring at a series of glowing red numbers. Some of the best times in my life were spent in the 6 months of time that I was leaving out my window. It used to be that when I looked at a window, I saw opportunity. Escape.
Today, I look at a window and almost cower from it, because it reminds of me of all the good times I can never have again.
I may have been leaving behind my father's back, but I have not lied to him in a year. I had no reason to.
He calls the school now...to make sure I'm there.
I'm a captive in my home. I'm forced to eat, even when I'm not hungry.
I'm allowed my computer and my phone: my only resources to the outside world. My phone, I pay for, so he can't really take it away, though he threatens. He wont take my computer away unless it's a last resort, because it's where I produce my art, and it would be wrong to take it away.
I might as well have a ball and chain.
I know it's my fault that I'm grounded, that I was caught, but I'm going to miss Mario so much. I hadn't seen him in two weeks during break. I got back on New Years, at midnight, and I've spent as much time with him as I could between him working, and school. Now I'm gone again. Almost in reach of him, but surrounded by walls.
I don't even know if I'm allowed to go to youth group or church... I haven't asked yet. I don't want to even look at my father. My family isn't a family, no matter what he thinks, and I don't want any part of it, and I haven't in a year. We were a family of 3, before he started dating... That was when he and I got along. Yet he will blame any part of my life for the cause of us not getting along anymore. In reality, it's the fact that we found significant others, and we'd rather be with them then our family... Because they are our escape from family. But now, with a family of 6, we're less of a family than we were when we were 3. No one agrees, everyone talks behind the others' backs, the only time the living room is used is when company is over... The rest of the time we're each in our rooms. How does that make us a family? Why does my dad want me to be a part of that? I found families that actually wanted me to be a part of them, and include me as part of their own, why would I want to be part of this one that exists only in certificate?
I want emancipation for my birthday. I'd rather make my life difficult by being out on my own while still in highschool, than live with the hostility of my father.
I used to love him; he was the only person I was ever able to depend on...