"Maybe some day i will see you again and you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend"
wow guys, i really skrewd this up bad this time. and now i just don't know what to do.
he's upset, like hardcore i think. and i don't know what to do to fix it. i would be so sad/mad if i were him tho. everyone has said some pretty mean things about him. and what did he do to deserve it? nothing. so he doesn't like me, big deal? i know you all were just trying to make me feel better when i was hurting. but it was so mean, what everyone has said to him. if someone like alex said they were going to kill me with a meatcleaver, i'd feel terrible too!
everyone said super mean things, and did i stop them? no i laughed, and joked about it. and now everything is in shambles. why didn't i stop and say 'guys thats mean' and then appologize right then? i just didn't realize how our silly jokes were actually mean and could cause so much damage. i've appologized countless times, but theres nothing i can do to make it better, nothing. nothing at all.
i should have never posted that email from him. everything built from that. but then again, if i had just never said anything about me liking him, or asking him if he liked me, then we would still be happy little people, just being friends, who actually talked, without oodles of awkwardness.
i really skrewd it all up. even worse than before, and i didn't think that was possible. but somehow i managed to do it. just when i think things are starting to look better. just then another punch comes and i'm knocked back down further than i was before. it just won't stop getting worse. when can i finally just reach the bottom so i know theres nowhere but up?
BOYS fridgin SUCK! ....can i have one??...
heres's some good news tho. i am possibly going up to byu over spring break and hanging with jess (my sister for those of you who don't know.) : \