you know i didn't mean, what i just said.
have you ever heard the saying, "you are the air i breathe"? well i never actually understood what that meant until just about now. i can't live without him around me. i can't even understand how what i said may have hurt him in any way.. but i know it did. and i would do anything to take it back right now, anything. i have never felt more dead than i do now, without him. he was always my warmth and comfort, and still is. i love him in a way i could never explain to anyone. real love. two words, that are so easily used by many of us.. but this does not feel the case... and i thought i had fallen completely head over heels in love before.. but i was wrong. i have never cared about a person as much as i care for scott. i don't know how to live without him.. without his jokes and little "hums".. :).. i don't know how i will.. he is the air i breathe... and without him, i am not alive.. or i don't feel so.. i would do anything to understand and help him right now, anything... just to help him.. i don't really care what it takes, and i'll do it. i promise. God, i used to think it was so mushy and stupid hearing all these girls saying they are so in love with some guy.. that they were "the one".. and half of them didn't exactly know what they were talking about i guess.. but the other half- did. and even though i have probably said to one of you that i had been so in love with another guy in the past.. i think i was wrong. and i am sorry if this hurts anyone? but i have never felt this need of being with a specific someone. i have never felt i would do anything for just one person.. for his forgiveness.. and even though i am not even sure if it is all completely my fault, i feel like it is. i know i am probably just repeating myself, but i can't seem to bring out my feelings in writing or even talking to anyone.. it's just something you'd have to feel yourself i guess.. have a nice ride.
"You were all i had, i don't have a reason to even be alive right now."
i love you with everything i can give, scott. you mean the world and more to me, and i would never let you go.