No Longer On The Verge
Originally published at Return To Sender. Please leave any comments there.
It seems..
Seriously it’s messed up when you pull yourself away from a situation and ask yourself wait, how the fuck did I get here?
I always find myself wondering why just when i thought i got the shit kicked out of me enough or have been lied to the point where i thought further deception was not probable it’s like i set myself up for this big fucking dissapointment.
When am I going to stop diluting myself and wake up? I will always get fucked over, it’s just what happens. On the day of my birth all the stars and stones and shennanegans were aligned for a unique curse of misfortune to befall me. For somebody who can find a needle in a haystack of bullshit i sure act blind. At times everybody goes through a phase where they find themseleves constantly doing stupid things, or the same dumbass choices over and over again.
It seems my issue is i subject myself to this bullshit in some way. Even though at times i am prevvy, to what may be going around; blissful ignorance must kick in.
And now I know, fuck YOU!
FUCK YOU, You fucking double edged sword!
It kills you to know the details and not knowing can at times be worse. For the imagination is a terrible thing at times when one can torment themselves far worse then any actual reality.
Fuck everybody who could have given me guidance and didn’t
Fuck everybody who knew what was wrong with her but didn’t have the gall or the basic common curtousey to let a man know what he is getting himself into.
If you were all so fucking worried about two people being un-prepared for something and bringing another person into this world DON’T YOU FUCKING THINK THAT CERTAIN INFORMATION WOULD HAVE YIELDED BETTER RESULTS!?
I know it’s not fair for me to throw around blame and fuck this and that but at this point i could easily rip my hair out and say fuck it!
At times I want to run in Ashton’s room put him in his car seat and get the fuck out of dodge.
Vanish for a while take a break, clear my head, fix myself.
Come back and survive.
But no instead i am put in the worst fucking situation yet. I feel like i’m in a bad scene in a saw flick.
Anybody who knows me can vouch that I have weird, bizzare, shit luck. Stupid situations, stupid people, are drawn to me..
But seriously this takes the cake.
If Ashton weren’t so well behaved most of the time i wouldn’t have known how to handle this….
Thank whoever the hell DOES look out for me if there is such a thing for my support group. (Friends Family & Co Workers (basically family)
I don’t even want to think what would have happened without them to lean on.
Pretty soon I am going to start looking into some wack shit, mystic crystals, those weird people who clean your soul and ward spirits…
I must have really pissed somebody off in a past life, or this life or whatever. Who the fuck has it out for me this bad!! Are you kidding me?
I know i am unique soul, and at times my dynamic personality can lead to conflict. But I’d like to think i don’t ask a whole lot out of people.
So Is it really to much to ask that when you promise somebody something they actually keep said promise?
I’ve learned many years ago not to break my promises. Nobody’s perfect I know that, but come on.
No matter how much time passes i will never ever never forget what happened, how it happened, and the millions of lies that were told along the way.
Over the years I have endured much pain in my life. In all the wonderful spectrums, emotional, psychical, etc. I would re-live every ass whooping i’ve ever had in my entire life in one flash to avoid the emotional mindfuck i have been handed! I would relive every painful break-up, every time i’ve been cheated on to make this bullshit go away.
Well you woke up from one of your “naps” and flipped the fuck out as usual, thanks.. to bad you don’t remember the first 10 minutes of them and only the ass end… Oh well…
Fuck it