Once again...
Why the f*ck is everything so friggin' difficult.
I've been away for a long while - as usual - while everything is more or less going good, no reason to bitch and moan on LJ, right? Wrong! I really would've liked a few more meaningless, happy moments on my LJ - instead, I mostly get my old mistakes thrown back in my face when I log in and read old posts.
I really need to be better at keeping this stuff up. Not that anybody ever reads it but me, but still... I think I need to get the good/bad post ratio up a bit...
Oh well... not this one, though. This one is going to be one long bitchy rant. And what, lo and behold, has made my life crappy this week? The usual. Women. Can't live with them, illegal to kill them (at least where I live) and basically... can't stop loving them. And make no mistake - "them" is in this case "her" - very much "her".
My GF broke up with me last Friday - for the fourth (and perhaps, final) time. She's been close to doing it before, but I've always made her come back - not this time, at least not yet. We're not having a temporary pause or anything like that - we HAVE broken up. It's just that it's still possible we can get back together.
I can already both see and hear the crowd go "noooooooooooooo" - in sort of a murmurred, hushed voice, downcast eyes and slight shaking of the head.
Yeah, I know. It's futile, it's a bad idea, it's bound to just cause more pain. I know all that - but I'm still not giving up. I don't WANT TO.
Pats on the back, sympathetic comments and so forth is of course appreciated, but "good advice" and such, unless it's on how to get her back, is just a waste of time. I know, I've heard, I have a tiny little voice inside my head telling me this is for the best and so on and so on... not helping, not making me embrace my destiny, or whatever you'd like to call it.
I'm just getting back the hang of this now. Bitching and moaning here takes away at least a tiny bit of the pain in the real world - that's the purpose! I just need to get better at sharing good stuff too - so that the joyful parts of living in the real world perhaps gets a little more pronounced - and remembered.
I've been away for a long while - as usual - while everything is more or less going good, no reason to bitch and moan on LJ, right? Wrong! I really would've liked a few more meaningless, happy moments on my LJ - instead, I mostly get my old mistakes thrown back in my face when I log in and read old posts.
I really need to be better at keeping this stuff up. Not that anybody ever reads it but me, but still... I think I need to get the good/bad post ratio up a bit...
Oh well... not this one, though. This one is going to be one long bitchy rant. And what, lo and behold, has made my life crappy this week? The usual. Women. Can't live with them, illegal to kill them (at least where I live) and basically... can't stop loving them. And make no mistake - "them" is in this case "her" - very much "her".
My GF broke up with me last Friday - for the fourth (and perhaps, final) time. She's been close to doing it before, but I've always made her come back - not this time, at least not yet. We're not having a temporary pause or anything like that - we HAVE broken up. It's just that it's still possible we can get back together.
I can already both see and hear the crowd go "noooooooooooooo" - in sort of a murmurred, hushed voice, downcast eyes and slight shaking of the head.
Yeah, I know. It's futile, it's a bad idea, it's bound to just cause more pain. I know all that - but I'm still not giving up. I don't WANT TO.
Pats on the back, sympathetic comments and so forth is of course appreciated, but "good advice" and such, unless it's on how to get her back, is just a waste of time. I know, I've heard, I have a tiny little voice inside my head telling me this is for the best and so on and so on... not helping, not making me embrace my destiny, or whatever you'd like to call it.
I'm just getting back the hang of this now. Bitching and moaning here takes away at least a tiny bit of the pain in the real world - that's the purpose! I just need to get better at sharing good stuff too - so that the joyful parts of living in the real world perhaps gets a little more pronounced - and remembered.