Is starting to fall
It is bad enough we have the miles keeping us apart, but now it feels like our emotions, and our attitudes are helping with the problems.
i miss them.
this is starting to get hard for me and im not exactly sure what i am supposed to do. i feel so small, like nothing i feel or think matters in any of this. Maybe i am supposed to come home. I dont know. It seems like there are just as many problems in my life since i moved here, then when i was home. i miss my dad. and i cant even handle talking to him. it gets me so upset because i can tell he misses me too. and i dont know what to do with myself. i love him more then anything in this world and i miss him too much. i want to give him a hug everyday like i used to when he would get home from work. and my mom. i want to just be able to sit and talk with her, face to face and let her know how i feel, but it seems like everytime we talk on the phone and try to clear up the confrontation between us, it ends in anger and tears. its getting too hard to even have serious talks with her on the phone. it needs to be when we are together but thats barely ever. my brother calls me to check up on me a lot more now. and i honestly miss him so much. and i never thought i would miss that asshole. but my god i wish i had him with me even if he is annoying me like he usually does. id take it just to see him. and i want my sister. i want to sit in the civic and drive to nowhere. but just so i can be with her like old times. we dont even need to talk.i just want to send her a smile. and i knwo she will send me one back and it will reassure me that we willalways be sisters no matter what happens. i fucking live her . and i miss her. maya. i love you. and i love that you make my sister happy and i am sorry for always being a bitch. its true i hate youfor taking my sister from me. but i think we can share. because i am not going to loose my tiss because of a stupid grudge. i want maggie back. i miss my puppy so much. and i feel like an asshole that i missed the last year of herlife living in california. tuz tuz. fuck. what happened? i love you i miss you and i cant wait to come see you. it is so hard being away from people you care about . more then people can imagine. i wanted to go home for him because i knwo that there isnt anybody for him to talk to and i am constantly onthe phone with him and i know all he needs is a hug and for his tuzin to be there for him just to support him in all this shit going on inhis life and i feel like aselfish bitch not being there for him. im sorry. katie jo i miss you more then words can say. it is so hard not being able to just come over whenevr and see you and your family. i dont even know how to handle this shit right now. its all hitting me so hard now. not being able to see everyone and hug them and just see their faces. i love them. i miss them and christmas break will be ok. i know it. i dont want any drama. but i am going to say everything i need to say to these people to feel ok with coming back here. because i wouldnt feel right coming back to california with all of this on my shoulders.
im sorry to anyone i hurt, i dont know how to think before i speak . and i am sorry. i love you.
i miss them.
this is starting to get hard for me and im not exactly sure what i am supposed to do. i feel so small, like nothing i feel or think matters in any of this. Maybe i am supposed to come home. I dont know. It seems like there are just as many problems in my life since i moved here, then when i was home. i miss my dad. and i cant even handle talking to him. it gets me so upset because i can tell he misses me too. and i dont know what to do with myself. i love him more then anything in this world and i miss him too much. i want to give him a hug everyday like i used to when he would get home from work. and my mom. i want to just be able to sit and talk with her, face to face and let her know how i feel, but it seems like everytime we talk on the phone and try to clear up the confrontation between us, it ends in anger and tears. its getting too hard to even have serious talks with her on the phone. it needs to be when we are together but thats barely ever. my brother calls me to check up on me a lot more now. and i honestly miss him so much. and i never thought i would miss that asshole. but my god i wish i had him with me even if he is annoying me like he usually does. id take it just to see him. and i want my sister. i want to sit in the civic and drive to nowhere. but just so i can be with her like old times. we dont even need to talk.i just want to send her a smile. and i knwo she will send me one back and it will reassure me that we willalways be sisters no matter what happens. i fucking live her . and i miss her. maya. i love you. and i love that you make my sister happy and i am sorry for always being a bitch. its true i hate youfor taking my sister from me. but i think we can share. because i am not going to loose my tiss because of a stupid grudge. i want maggie back. i miss my puppy so much. and i feel like an asshole that i missed the last year of herlife living in california. tuz tuz. fuck. what happened? i love you i miss you and i cant wait to come see you. it is so hard being away from people you care about . more then people can imagine. i wanted to go home for him because i knwo that there isnt anybody for him to talk to and i am constantly onthe phone with him and i know all he needs is a hug and for his tuzin to be there for him just to support him in all this shit going on inhis life and i feel like aselfish bitch not being there for him. im sorry. katie jo i miss you more then words can say. it is so hard not being able to just come over whenevr and see you and your family. i dont even know how to handle this shit right now. its all hitting me so hard now. not being able to see everyone and hug them and just see their faces. i love them. i miss them and christmas break will be ok. i know it. i dont want any drama. but i am going to say everything i need to say to these people to feel ok with coming back here. because i wouldnt feel right coming back to california with all of this on my shoulders.
im sorry to anyone i hurt, i dont know how to think before i speak . and i am sorry. i love you.