(no subject)
I've never been specifically blessed with anything. My parents bought this nice big house, but it's so fake. It looks like all the other houses. We don't have the money to really make it nice in the way it should feel like a home. Four years after we moved in, my parents finally could afford furniture for their room, after spending most of their incomes on other parts of the house, including their daughters' rooms.
The cars are slowly dying on us, and we don't have money for new ones. Every now and then, the Maxima won't start, and the Accord needs some sort of maintenance. Nevermind the van; it's beatdown to all hell. Good luck getting it to start without it hesitating a few times.
Swati has depression problems, and she's in love with someone she's been talking to online for a couple years now. She's never met him, but she says she can talk to him, so I guess it's good for her in some ways.
Sweta has depression problems, too. I guess none of us really feel loved, so we cling to things. We're not very close as sisters, although, we have good sibling chemistry. But I don't know what goes on in my sisters' lives for sure, and I don't think they know what goes on in mine. We're all very different from one another, but similar in that we all have very bad emotional problems.
I think I value my video games so much because they've always been there for me, something I can turn to when no one else is around. No one really ever plays video games with me. Well, I can think of one person that did, but I don't want to dwell on him. But yes, I really do love my video games because I can escape into something outside of reality.
I also value my laptop because it holds all my music and it's one of the few things that is just mine and no one elses. I value it the way I did with my computer from 1997, except I shared that thing. Another reason I love my laptop is because I love to type. It's something I enjoy doing because I'm fast at it. That's a good feeling.
Sometimes, I don't know about my friends. They lose themselves very easily, I think. Most people do. I don't know where anyone is going with their life or where I'm going with mine. But definitely, I've lost myself and will not be able to find myself for a very long time.
People don't value each other. No one thinks about the rough day someone else is having. They only think of themselves. Sometimes, I only think of myself. But it's because, really, very few people think of my feelings.
When I was younger, all the kids made fun of me. My sisters called me fat because I wasn't underweight like they were and the kids on the bus made fun of me because I probably had a unibrow and because I've just always been an easy target. I think it's why I don't like being made fun of at all. No one has ever boosted my confidence. I confuse myself easily, and I get made fun of saying the wrong things. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm saying, but I would, I guess, if people weren't trying to shut me down or laugh at me.
But, no, I am not blessed. Sweta and Swati are beautiful, and skinny. They can wear bikinis on the beaches and at peoples' pools without feeling self-conscious. They always look pretty, and the hair on their body doesn't grow back so fast or thick. Sweta dresses really well, and Swati does, too. All my clothes are boyish, so I look like a boy. Boys don't like girls that look like boys.
I am also not talented. I can't draw, or paint, or sing, or write music, or anything, really. Sometimes, I can write. But that is about it. Also, I can't play sports. I wish I could play soccer, because I really love soccer and I think I could be good at it. It's my favorite sport and I wish I could play it with someone, but no one will play with me.
Maybe I'm just bound to be depressed for a very long time and cry for hours over silly boys who break my heart. I don't know. There's not many things I do know. I try my hardest to learn things, but there's too much to know. Maybe if I could learn all about one thing, I would like to know all about the stars. And even after I know everything about them, I think I still will be perplexed by the infiniteness of the universe and how infinitesmal we all really are. Then I guess I can laugh at all of us humans for thinking we're so important.
One day, I would like to be a very important person to someone. I should like to be waiting at home for someone with dinner just about ready and dessert in the oven or the freezer. And maybe the kids will be out back playing soccer, because I should surely like to play soccer with my kids. And when we've all eaten dinner, hopefully, we won't all disperse into our separate areas of the house. Hopefully, we'll stay together for a bit and maybe watch a funny movie or show together, or play a game. Then maybe my partner and I can sit on the porch or the deck and enjoy a glass of wine or just enjoy the weather.
Who knows though?
The way I'm feeling...
I'm not sure I want to even make it to tomorrow morning.
The cars are slowly dying on us, and we don't have money for new ones. Every now and then, the Maxima won't start, and the Accord needs some sort of maintenance. Nevermind the van; it's beatdown to all hell. Good luck getting it to start without it hesitating a few times.
Swati has depression problems, and she's in love with someone she's been talking to online for a couple years now. She's never met him, but she says she can talk to him, so I guess it's good for her in some ways.
Sweta has depression problems, too. I guess none of us really feel loved, so we cling to things. We're not very close as sisters, although, we have good sibling chemistry. But I don't know what goes on in my sisters' lives for sure, and I don't think they know what goes on in mine. We're all very different from one another, but similar in that we all have very bad emotional problems.
I think I value my video games so much because they've always been there for me, something I can turn to when no one else is around. No one really ever plays video games with me. Well, I can think of one person that did, but I don't want to dwell on him. But yes, I really do love my video games because I can escape into something outside of reality.
I also value my laptop because it holds all my music and it's one of the few things that is just mine and no one elses. I value it the way I did with my computer from 1997, except I shared that thing. Another reason I love my laptop is because I love to type. It's something I enjoy doing because I'm fast at it. That's a good feeling.
Sometimes, I don't know about my friends. They lose themselves very easily, I think. Most people do. I don't know where anyone is going with their life or where I'm going with mine. But definitely, I've lost myself and will not be able to find myself for a very long time.
People don't value each other. No one thinks about the rough day someone else is having. They only think of themselves. Sometimes, I only think of myself. But it's because, really, very few people think of my feelings.
When I was younger, all the kids made fun of me. My sisters called me fat because I wasn't underweight like they were and the kids on the bus made fun of me because I probably had a unibrow and because I've just always been an easy target. I think it's why I don't like being made fun of at all. No one has ever boosted my confidence. I confuse myself easily, and I get made fun of saying the wrong things. Sometimes, I don't even know what I'm saying, but I would, I guess, if people weren't trying to shut me down or laugh at me.
But, no, I am not blessed. Sweta and Swati are beautiful, and skinny. They can wear bikinis on the beaches and at peoples' pools without feeling self-conscious. They always look pretty, and the hair on their body doesn't grow back so fast or thick. Sweta dresses really well, and Swati does, too. All my clothes are boyish, so I look like a boy. Boys don't like girls that look like boys.
I am also not talented. I can't draw, or paint, or sing, or write music, or anything, really. Sometimes, I can write. But that is about it. Also, I can't play sports. I wish I could play soccer, because I really love soccer and I think I could be good at it. It's my favorite sport and I wish I could play it with someone, but no one will play with me.
Maybe I'm just bound to be depressed for a very long time and cry for hours over silly boys who break my heart. I don't know. There's not many things I do know. I try my hardest to learn things, but there's too much to know. Maybe if I could learn all about one thing, I would like to know all about the stars. And even after I know everything about them, I think I still will be perplexed by the infiniteness of the universe and how infinitesmal we all really are. Then I guess I can laugh at all of us humans for thinking we're so important.
One day, I would like to be a very important person to someone. I should like to be waiting at home for someone with dinner just about ready and dessert in the oven or the freezer. And maybe the kids will be out back playing soccer, because I should surely like to play soccer with my kids. And when we've all eaten dinner, hopefully, we won't all disperse into our separate areas of the house. Hopefully, we'll stay together for a bit and maybe watch a funny movie or show together, or play a game. Then maybe my partner and I can sit on the porch or the deck and enjoy a glass of wine or just enjoy the weather.
Who knows though?
The way I'm feeling...
I'm not sure I want to even make it to tomorrow morning.