Catharsis
I was bored today so I took Frank for a two hour drive in a blizzard to try and clear my head. One thing lead to another and, for some reason, I ended up thinking about catharsis, and certain cathartic moments I've experienced in my life...
I think the first time was with the movie Titanic (don't judge). It came out when I was around ten years old and the only thing I knew about it going in was that the movie was three hours long. Great. Super. Can't wait. But I came out of that theater so, incredibly, affected I don't even know how to begin to describe it. Sitting in the dark, watching the beauty and nobility and tragedy unfold was like nothing I had ever experienced while watching a movie before. It felt like I was drowning with the characters, I was in that water with them freezing to death. I felt their terror, their desperation, their hopelessness. There was just something about it that was so incredibly powerful.
After that first exposure, I spent hours and hours researching the Titanic, and begging my parents to let me go back. It didn't take long for me to memorize every fact available about that big hunk of iron. Just short of the passenger list, there wasn't anything I didn't know about the Titanic. Last I heard you could go down to the ship in one of those mini-subs for a mere $10,000... but that was before inflation.
The film itself, really opened my eyes to the power of story telling and the power of the human spirit, and it kills me to think that if I watched the movie for the first time today, I would think it was total crap. I watch it now and all I can see is horrible dialogue, and cheesy special effects. A part of me wants to give up everything I've learned since I was ten years old to go back to that wonderful naivete that blocks out everything but the beauty in the film.
Almost ten years after I first saw the movie, I was able to take a vacation up to Nova Scotia, and immediately went to the Titanic museum and graveyard. I was inches away from an actual piece of the grand staircase. I was able to sit in one of the deck chairs. I got to see Jack Dawson's grave. Needless to say, I watched the movie again for the first time in years as soon as I got home and I think that was the closest I came to reliving the magic of the first time. Going to the museum, and seeing actual victims, just made it all so much more real for me that it was impossible to not be affected by the film, corny dialogue and all.
Okay, so I just remembered Titanic wasn't the first catharsis. Phantom of the Opera. Toronto (was that the Majestic Theater?). Orchestra, fourth row center, directly beneath the chandelier. 1992. I was five. I grew up listening to the cast recording in my Mom's car, refusing to let anyone get out until I heard Michael Crawford laugh at the end of Act One.
It was the first show I saw on stage. I don't think I blinked the entire time, it was just so amazing to me to actually see the actors, live, a few feet away from me, singing the same songs I've heard countless times before. I still remember looking up and watching that chandelier come down... and that was the beginning of the most important part of my life. Words cannot sum up the wonder theater has for me. The only, only, time I am ever truly happy, is when I'm experiencing live theater. There is something about it that no other art form could ever come close to matching for me.
Which brings me to Rent. Good lord, Mr. Larson, what you have done, it's still affecting me every day. My first encounter with Rent was my senior year in high school when our chorus teacher decided to show everyone a documentary about a composer named Jonathan Larson. Then I bought the soundtrack. Then I saw the movie. Then I bought the cast recording. Then I won the lottery in New York and got to see the show the way so many other people before me got to. Even with a relatively crappy cast, the show moved me in ways I had never experienced before, which just goes to show how strong the material is. I am sure that I could just stand on a block somewhere and sing through the score, by myself, and if someone stands there, and really listens, they would have no choice but to be moved by its message. It was strong enough to actually push me to check out some of the other shows on Broadway, and is, without a doubt, the reason I have decided to pursue a career in the industry (what that career will be, exactly, we have yet to see...).
There were other "carthartic moments" I remembered during that wonderful drive, but those are the big ones.
Thinking about what it felt like to sit in a theater and just let these amazing stories wash over me makes me want to help others experience the same thing. I think that is the closest I can come to tasting that kind of emotional power again.
I want the people I care about to understand just why I'm "obsessive" about these aspects of my life. It is not because I have nothing better to do. It's not because it's the cool thing to do (HA! the irony...) It's because it is the purest form of happiness that I can understand.
Theater has always been the closest I ever came to recapturing some of my greatest memories. I need to be a part of it. I don't care what I do. On-stage, backstage, front of house, usher, administrative, marketing, production, fundraising, public relations... just, something that lets me share what I love so much with anyone willing to listen.
God. Please, let me be able to do this someday, or at least let me have to strength to try.
I think the first time was with the movie Titanic (don't judge). It came out when I was around ten years old and the only thing I knew about it going in was that the movie was three hours long. Great. Super. Can't wait. But I came out of that theater so, incredibly, affected I don't even know how to begin to describe it. Sitting in the dark, watching the beauty and nobility and tragedy unfold was like nothing I had ever experienced while watching a movie before. It felt like I was drowning with the characters, I was in that water with them freezing to death. I felt their terror, their desperation, their hopelessness. There was just something about it that was so incredibly powerful.
After that first exposure, I spent hours and hours researching the Titanic, and begging my parents to let me go back. It didn't take long for me to memorize every fact available about that big hunk of iron. Just short of the passenger list, there wasn't anything I didn't know about the Titanic. Last I heard you could go down to the ship in one of those mini-subs for a mere $10,000... but that was before inflation.
The film itself, really opened my eyes to the power of story telling and the power of the human spirit, and it kills me to think that if I watched the movie for the first time today, I would think it was total crap. I watch it now and all I can see is horrible dialogue, and cheesy special effects. A part of me wants to give up everything I've learned since I was ten years old to go back to that wonderful naivete that blocks out everything but the beauty in the film.
Almost ten years after I first saw the movie, I was able to take a vacation up to Nova Scotia, and immediately went to the Titanic museum and graveyard. I was inches away from an actual piece of the grand staircase. I was able to sit in one of the deck chairs. I got to see Jack Dawson's grave. Needless to say, I watched the movie again for the first time in years as soon as I got home and I think that was the closest I came to reliving the magic of the first time. Going to the museum, and seeing actual victims, just made it all so much more real for me that it was impossible to not be affected by the film, corny dialogue and all.
Okay, so I just remembered Titanic wasn't the first catharsis. Phantom of the Opera. Toronto (was that the Majestic Theater?). Orchestra, fourth row center, directly beneath the chandelier. 1992. I was five. I grew up listening to the cast recording in my Mom's car, refusing to let anyone get out until I heard Michael Crawford laugh at the end of Act One.
It was the first show I saw on stage. I don't think I blinked the entire time, it was just so amazing to me to actually see the actors, live, a few feet away from me, singing the same songs I've heard countless times before. I still remember looking up and watching that chandelier come down... and that was the beginning of the most important part of my life. Words cannot sum up the wonder theater has for me. The only, only, time I am ever truly happy, is when I'm experiencing live theater. There is something about it that no other art form could ever come close to matching for me.
Which brings me to Rent. Good lord, Mr. Larson, what you have done, it's still affecting me every day. My first encounter with Rent was my senior year in high school when our chorus teacher decided to show everyone a documentary about a composer named Jonathan Larson. Then I bought the soundtrack. Then I saw the movie. Then I bought the cast recording. Then I won the lottery in New York and got to see the show the way so many other people before me got to. Even with a relatively crappy cast, the show moved me in ways I had never experienced before, which just goes to show how strong the material is. I am sure that I could just stand on a block somewhere and sing through the score, by myself, and if someone stands there, and really listens, they would have no choice but to be moved by its message. It was strong enough to actually push me to check out some of the other shows on Broadway, and is, without a doubt, the reason I have decided to pursue a career in the industry (what that career will be, exactly, we have yet to see...).
There were other "carthartic moments" I remembered during that wonderful drive, but those are the big ones.
Thinking about what it felt like to sit in a theater and just let these amazing stories wash over me makes me want to help others experience the same thing. I think that is the closest I can come to tasting that kind of emotional power again.
I want the people I care about to understand just why I'm "obsessive" about these aspects of my life. It is not because I have nothing better to do. It's not because it's the cool thing to do (HA! the irony...) It's because it is the purest form of happiness that I can understand.
Theater has always been the closest I ever came to recapturing some of my greatest memories. I need to be a part of it. I don't care what I do. On-stage, backstage, front of house, usher, administrative, marketing, production, fundraising, public relations... just, something that lets me share what I love so much with anyone willing to listen.
God. Please, let me be able to do this someday, or at least let me have to strength to try.