Eggshells & Isolation
Hello, there.
Given my .... um... state of mind (?) currently, at times it's necessary for me to remove myself from a situation, a place, etc. It can be tricky. People don't always understand. "It'll be alright." Will it, though? For you, maybe. "Just relax." Really?! I just had not even thought of that. "Oh, you're feeling bad? How? What's wrong? Did I do something?" I can't explain how, everything is wrong, NO you didn't do anything wrong. It gets so old.
At the same time, though, walking on eggshells around me is not acceptable. Sure, I get uncomfortable, but I know when I need to make an abrupt exit, or excuse myself to be alone. Honestly, I really thought I'd explained this thoroughly to everyone I know.... but maybe I just think I did. I get frustrated about having to explain myself ("no, I mean I have to leave right now. Now.") because it is shameful to me that I feel these things. I hate having to remind the universe (& myself) that I have these things to deal with all day, everyday. And I ought not let those feelings of frustration bleed out & onto anyone else. Instinctually, I want to push everyone away. Things are so much simpler in solitude, & safer. Isolation is so unhealthy, I keep reminding myself, & those that really love me will know (I hope) how I feel really, & stick with me & my , er, eccentricities through this journey.
....I feel like I've already said most of this, if not all of it.... If you've read a similar post, my bad.