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nothing's official-official yet, but i've been saying for weeks that i'm going to quit tfa. and now i'm actually going to do it. tomorrow, actually.
i know, i know, i'm a huge disappointment to everyone blah blah blah. get me drunk sometime. i'll tell you the whole story (it involves having my ass slapped and shins kicked by five-year olds and my car breaking down on the side of the interstate).
but for now, suffice it to say that kindergarten is a fucking TERRIBLE fit. i did what i could to try to get moved to another position, but it didn't work out. essentially, i disagree with everything kindergarten stands for. wanna know how to be a great kindergarten teacher?
rule #1: BRIBERY. this is the most important rule. kids today are spoiled rotten (even the low-income ones, as it turns out). say goodbye to intrinsic motivation and hello to skittles. one kid is sitting quietly and everyone else is running around the room hitting each other with their rolled-up writing project? skittle the one kid. you disciplined a kid and he actually didn't talk back to you? skittle. a child went 30 seconds without getting out of his seat? skittle.
rule #2: DON'T EVER TEACH FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME. small children have zero attention span. here's an entire lesson (delivered by my principal, who was modeling excellent instruction): ok class, put your hands below your head. now put your hands above your head. now put your hands near your head. now put your hands far from your head.
rule #3: WORKSHEETS AND ACTIVITIES. do them. don't even think about teaching. just give them stuff to do.
rule #4: NO LOGIC ALLOWED. don't explain things. children don't like it when anyone's talking that isn't them. communicate via nursery rhymes and hand gestures. use expressions like "put a bug on" and "five alive" and "voice level 1" as opposed to "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN BECAUSE YOU'VE CONVINCED ME NOT TO REPRODUCE!!!!!!!"
i can't believe i stuck with this crap as long as i did. i think i was afraid of what would happen, but at this point, i don't even care. i have no idea where i'll be living or what i'll be doing next week. but at least i can wear normal clothes again.
i know, i know, i'm a huge disappointment to everyone blah blah blah. get me drunk sometime. i'll tell you the whole story (it involves having my ass slapped and shins kicked by five-year olds and my car breaking down on the side of the interstate).
but for now, suffice it to say that kindergarten is a fucking TERRIBLE fit. i did what i could to try to get moved to another position, but it didn't work out. essentially, i disagree with everything kindergarten stands for. wanna know how to be a great kindergarten teacher?
rule #1: BRIBERY. this is the most important rule. kids today are spoiled rotten (even the low-income ones, as it turns out). say goodbye to intrinsic motivation and hello to skittles. one kid is sitting quietly and everyone else is running around the room hitting each other with their rolled-up writing project? skittle the one kid. you disciplined a kid and he actually didn't talk back to you? skittle. a child went 30 seconds without getting out of his seat? skittle.
rule #2: DON'T EVER TEACH FOR MORE THAN 5 MINUTES AT A TIME. small children have zero attention span. here's an entire lesson (delivered by my principal, who was modeling excellent instruction): ok class, put your hands below your head. now put your hands above your head. now put your hands near your head. now put your hands far from your head.
rule #3: WORKSHEETS AND ACTIVITIES. do them. don't even think about teaching. just give them stuff to do.
rule #4: NO LOGIC ALLOWED. don't explain things. children don't like it when anyone's talking that isn't them. communicate via nursery rhymes and hand gestures. use expressions like "put a bug on" and "five alive" and "voice level 1" as opposed to "SHUT THE FUCK UP AND SIT DOWN BECAUSE YOU'VE CONVINCED ME NOT TO REPRODUCE!!!!!!!"
i can't believe i stuck with this crap as long as i did. i think i was afraid of what would happen, but at this point, i don't even care. i have no idea where i'll be living or what i'll be doing next week. but at least i can wear normal clothes again.