(no subject)
Be careful of blinking or taking a short nap. In the blink of an eye, your whole universe can change. Nothing is forever accept death. You know we are born dying. I wonder if that accounts for some suicides. The whole "bring on the inevitable" concept..... kind of like betting on a sure thing. At night if and when I do fall asleep, I am awakened by a bone chilling moan and the rustle of giant wings flying overhead. Then lie awake and wait until its time to take my morning shower and then off to work while it is still dark outside. I work so close to where I live that sometimes the line of division of work and home is blurred and I allow trespassing from one realm into another. That is slowly becoming a habit or should I say reverting back to how I used to be when I was very lonely. Oh yes I am lonely again. Who am i kidding? A dangerous state of being where in my mind I have all these ideas of things I can do now that I am solo and not preoccupied with making someone else happy or consumed with thinking of him. (Again, who am I kidding I Imiss that so much.) You know, like the way he smells..... taste and feels. But yet with all that free time and voids to fill, there is a lot of ideation but no action. I am in a state of inertia. I have to admit that I can create my art, write poetry cook incredible meals when I am in a relationship. I have been described as geeky, sensual, sexy and creative but in my opinion that creature emerges when she is in love and loved. What does that make me? Am I a codependent person? Am I weak and lack substance? Or am I just being human?