We are trying to get custody of my husbands 16 year old daughter. The last time he saw her was when she was only 3 months old. Now they are getting to know each other. To her...... I am almost invisible. I try so very hard to do things for her and for her to like me. Nothing I do is ever enough for her. She has admitted that she is jealous of me. She is jealous also of everyone that her father is close to or give any attention to. I have a lot to be concerned about. Her father and I have been together 15 and a half years and married for 14. To her.... those years do not count. She treats me like I am a sitter that was there for him and now that she is around, she can take over now. I feel so stupid typing this but she has come righ out and said to me that I am nothing. Everytime I say anything to her, she looks to him to validate anything I say. If I correct her or ask her to do something, she looks at him and just says "dad" and expects him to override me. She swears at me and cuts in on me when I have anything to say. She is only nice to me when her father "give her a talk" and tries to reason to her. Bleak...... yes the horizon looks very bleak ahead. This young lady is supposed ot spend her life with us.
Oh, how heartwrenching... The age she is at is a very trying time... I'm sorry to hear she isn't treating you with the respect you deserve and the effects are rippling... Big heart for you... Maybe with time she'll come around to see the light but for now I can see how painful a situation that is for you.
Well I hope you feel better soon. Regarding the daughter, maybe it is time to toss in the towel. Let her learn her lessons the hard way. Shut her out. That's not to say that some where down the line you can't let her back in when she shows respect. :/
Also to be coming into your lives at that age.. wow... get your armour. I can see it's needed. I was very volatile at that age and I can't say that my adoptive mom and I got along... we clashed severely... to the point I wasn't welcome in the home. I took me quite a few years to break down and admit I'd been just in the wrong as she... both of us were very stubborn... now I look to her as a wealth of strength and I admire her greatly... I just wanted to share that with you.. a ray of hope. Not that you are in the wrong at all but it sounds like she's at a very selfish point...
She has ODD, oppostional defiant disorder. She also has adjustment disorder, conduct disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and ADD. I am not putting down folks with that type of disorders however when they have no respect and have been raised to be mean rude........ it is a combination from hell.
Ok a last response... I just reread what you wrote. She is being DISRESPECTFUL in every sense of the word. That has to stop. Is there any way to get through to her?! I guess that's the conundrum... :/
Wow. This is so weird. It must mean something that I am reading this at this moment.
I am the stepdaughter of a woman whose life I entered when I was 14, when my sister (then 13) & I were thrown out by our mother to start living with my dad & stepmom, who had just started their new life together in a new apartment in NYC.
As you can imagine this was a great shock to all of us. But probably most of all to my stepmom (since the rest of us operated on the assumption that family=dysfunction ;D). We were two huge rowdy almost literally raised-in-a-barn beasties. My dad wasn't much better. She was a tiny, tidy professor with a passionate sense of right and wrong and very little knowledge of children.
That was 34 years ago. So much water has passed under our bridges. I can honestly say my stepmom was the very best parent I ever had. Hands down. She was the only responsible adult in my young life. I may not have always appreciated that, and certainly there were times when I did not show any appreciation at all. But my admiration for her is HUGE. And my love.
What's weird about the timing, for me, is that her mom passed away last year, and that process brought us closer than ever before, and there are things I do with folks I'm very close to that I fear she might see as intrusive, and I was wondering how to communicate that best to her. She means so much to me. I'm tearing up now!
Anyway I just want to say, DON'T LET YOURSELF FALL INTO A TRAP OF THINKING NOW IS FOREVER.
Things will change. She is a VERY lucky girl.
You just need to make sure that Art is there for you. The rest will work itself out, and she is a VERY lucky girl.
We can talk more if you like. I gotta go do laundry now...and work on a letter to my very beloved stepmom. This is such weird timing.
Please please forgive me for not responding to this wonderful comment. So much is going on with me as a result to this maelstrom that we are living in. One of the things is that I ended up in the ER with Arythmia Tachycardia and ever since then, I have several episodes of that a day. My health is going downhill, I have been diagnosed with Major Depression and the list goes on and aon. My step daughter is manifesting more psychotic behavior and I am afraid to be alone with her. I do hope that it gets better I pray.
Hey, no problem! You have way too much on your plate to worry about LJ-responding!!!
Oh dear lord. Things sound bad. You guys need some professional help, no joke! I wish I was there, though I'm no pro. I offer all my best, best wishes. Sincerely.
If you feel the need, I'm at artcarnivore@gmail.com, anytime.
We are trying to get custody of my husbands 16 year old daughter. The last time he saw her was when she was only 3 months old. Now they are getting to know each other. To her...... I am almost invisible. I try so very hard to do things for her and for her to like me. Nothing I do is ever enough for her. She has admitted that she is jealous of me. She is jealous also of everyone that her father is close to or give any attention to. I have a lot to be concerned about. Her father and I have been together 15 and a half years and married for 14. To her.... those years do not count. She treats me like I am a sitter that was there for him and now that she is around, she can take over now. I feel so stupid typing this but she has come righ out and said to me that I am nothing. Everytime I say anything to her, she looks to him to validate anything I say. If I correct her or ask her to do something, she looks at him and just says "dad" and expects him to override me. She swears at me and cuts in on me when I have anything to say. She is only nice to me when her father "give her a talk" and tries to reason to her. Bleak...... yes the horizon looks very bleak ahead. This young lady is supposed ot spend her life with us.
Reply
Reply
Her behavior towards me has gotten worse. I am ready to throw the proverbial towel in.
Reply
<3
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
I am the stepdaughter of a woman whose life I entered when I was 14, when my sister (then 13) & I were thrown out by our mother to start living with my dad & stepmom, who had just started their new life together in a new apartment in NYC.
As you can imagine this was a great shock to all of us. But probably most of all to my stepmom (since the rest of us operated on the assumption that family=dysfunction ;D). We were two huge rowdy almost literally raised-in-a-barn beasties. My dad wasn't much better. She was a tiny, tidy professor with a passionate sense of right and wrong and very little knowledge of children.
That was 34 years ago. So much water has passed under our bridges. I can honestly say my stepmom was the very best parent I ever had. Hands down. She was the only responsible adult in my young life. I may not have always appreciated that, and certainly there were times when I did not show any appreciation at all. But my admiration for her is HUGE. And my love.
What's weird about the timing, for me, is that her mom passed away last year, and that process brought us closer than ever before, and there are things I do with folks I'm very close to that I fear she might see as intrusive, and I was wondering how to communicate that best to her. She means so much to me. I'm tearing up now!
Anyway I just want to say, DON'T LET YOURSELF FALL INTO A TRAP OF THINKING NOW IS FOREVER.
Things will change. She is a VERY lucky girl.
You just need to make sure that Art is there for you. The rest will work itself out, and she is a VERY lucky girl.
We can talk more if you like. I gotta go do laundry now...and work on a letter to my very beloved stepmom. This is such weird timing.
Chickie: DON'T WORRY. IT WILL BE FINE.
Reply
Reply
Oh dear lord. Things sound bad. You guys need some professional help, no joke! I wish I was there, though I'm no pro. I offer all my best, best wishes. Sincerely.
If you feel the need, I'm at artcarnivore@gmail.com, anytime.
:} Luv, Lydia
Reply
Thank you so much for your caring and love. We have started family therapy and I see the merit in that. Thanks for your email address, I will use it!!
Lydia, please visit my new LJ. Art and I are doing it jointly. It is called recurso_perdido.
Reply
I miss your posts, and will be thinking of you and your well-being.
Reply
Leave a comment