Goodbye 20s.
I turn 30 in 24 hours and 30 minutes. I didn't realize how weird this would actually feel.
Things have been so different for the last year. I never had any idea my life could be so good. Everything I could reasonably expect to be going well is. I'm a little lovesick but it seems unimportant.
I feel like I am finally starting to look my age. That's me above, on a roof in the Mission; it is the rare picture of me now where I am not smiling. This is the first time I've ever really been comfortable in my own skin. I maybe don't have the best grip on my hormones, but otherwise I feel mostly like I know what I'm doing. Also, a gal tried to get me to hook up with her in the bathroom of the bar tonight. Gross, but nice to know I still can.
When my mom was this age she'd just given birth to me 5 days prior. She was married to a man 11 years her senior and they had a house. Every year I see her ghost for the entire month of August because we always celebrated together. I can't even begin to imagine having a life like hers. I have to think that while maybe we wanted different things, I can have the life I do because of her. It might be in spite of her, but I think all that matters is the end result.
I just hired someone at work, I stole them from Google and they are packing up their life and family and moving here from Los Angeles. I have been out every night this week and in the office an hour early every day. I did two shows on Monday and saw 5 bands yesterday and hung out with friends from out of town today. I come home and I do more work. I am planning a giant Halloween party, since all I've ever wanted is a fucking rad Halloween full of devil babes. I am trying to do a huge comic undertaking, and could be totally in over my head but I'm going to try any way. I have so many drawings in my head that need to get on paper.
I think for 30 I'm going to be less worried about what I finish, and more concerned with what I try. I don't want to lose my curiosity. I want to be a disruptive person. I hope that by 35 I'm the VP of product for a successful company. I hope that by then I've published a graphic novel and pressed a record. I hope that by 40 I'm ready to buy a house in the Bay. I hope that somewhere along this decade I fall in love with someone who loves me back. I hope that I remember to take breaks and travel. I hope I can give myself radical change often enough to keep from getting too comfortable.
It's nice to finally love myself.