Hades' Lair, Sunday Night (just pre-island hop)
To say that Hades had been laying low during their time in Greece would have been completely and utterly correct. That may have had a lot to do with the proximity to Mount Olympus. Sure, they were still miles and miles away, but it was far too close for comfort and Hades wasn't about to waste his time hiding out in Fandom by getting caught doing something stupid right under Zeus' nose.
He'd done that already and it hadn't worked out so great. Not that he'd never do it again, but these things required a subtle touch and some reasonably thought out scheming.
His plan this time was simple: lay low, keep out of Zeus' sight and make a plan. He hadn't gotten to the plan part yet. Oprah had distracted him from that.
Zeus
"So this is what you've been reduced to!" Zeus leaned against the cavern wall. "Talk shows."
Hades
Hades was on his feet faster than he'd ever been before. He didn't say anything. It was hard to talk when you had an expression on your face that clearly showed you knew you were busted.
Zeus
"Don't have a heart attack, Hades, I'm not here to devour you whole. Dad's schtick always made me a little squeamish. Took me a while to find you. I didn't even notice this place until Hermes told me he spotted it on one of his pizza runs."
Hades
Freak out moment over, Hades slipped into the calmest voice he could muster. He was good at this. "Zeus! What brings you to my humble abode?"
Zeus
"Well, you did try to kill my son." Zeus had suddenly found the remote control interesting and started flipping through the stations. Oprah, Jerry, a re-run of the Red Wings crushing the Stars, a soap opera with shirtless wet boys, ooh Wheel of Fortune.
Hades
"C'mon!" Hades said, keeping his distance from Zeus while still trying to make a personal connection. "That old thing? Ancient history. Literally. Let's let bygones be bygones. We all do things that get a little out of hand."
Zeus
"Like unleashing the Titans and trying to usurp my throne?"
Hades
"Yeah," Hades said, expression falling. "Like that."
Zeus
Zeus turned his attention back to Hades. "Why the long face? I already told you I'm not going to eat you."
Hades
"There are worse things."
Zeus
They both paused for a moment, remembering when their father really had tried to eat them. The digestive tract of a god was not a pleasant place to be for any amount of time. Zeus and Hades shuddered.
Hades
"Then why are you here?"
Zeus
"Hades," Zeus said, sticking his chin out, "you might think that when I took on the responsibility of being head of the gods that I assigned you a dirty job. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not naive. I know it's not an easy task. But you were never one to fit in with the rest of the family. I gave you the job of running the Underworld because it was a big responsibility. I needed someone I could trust to run it like a business and get all the paperwork just right. Not to mention, it gave you some freedom and your own place where you could keep your dog."
Hades
Hades turned, as if thinking about what Zeus was saying, but really he was rolling his eyes. He'd heard the spiel. Zeus, the benevolent dictator, going on and on about how he was really doing the right thing by banishing his brothers to the ocean and Underworld and not at all protecting his own interests. "Is there a point to this little trip down memory lane?"
Zeus
Zeus frowned. "I thought we could catch up and reminisce, but I can see you're a busy man. I'll cut to the chase. The truth of the matter is that the Underworld can't run without you. Charon been keeping things afloat, hah! Afloat, get it? And I sent Ares to fill in, but you know Ares. He doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, but he doesn't do windows or souls. Things are falling apart at the seams down there and you know how I get when things aren't going smoothly."
Hades
"Yeah, it involves animal form and women." Hades shuddered again.
Zeus
"Everyone needs a stress reliever. The point is that I can forgive you for trying to kill Hercules. Goodness knows I love the boy, but he began to bug even me after a while, not to mention that wife of his managed to alienate half of the pantheon after only one family get-together. I could even overlook you trying to take my throne. What's a little rivalry between brothers? But the one thing I absolutely cannot abide is you shirking your responsibilities. We all have to pitch in. It's not easy being godly and we all have to do our part."
Hades
"And if I don't?"
Zeus
"Then forget everything I said. I'll hold you fully accountable and eat you whole."
Hades
"I thought you said that was disgusting, which, mind you, it is. Also, completely unhygenic."
Zeus
Zeus shrugged and tossed Hades the remote control. "It's an efficient way to deal with problems. Think about it." He took a few steps towards the wall where rolling smoke had formed. "Then get your butt down and get back to work. Now that I know where you're keeping yourself occupied on your little vacation, I'll be sure to stop in again to make sure you're doing what you're told. Clear?"
Hades
Hades glared at the smoke and at Zeus as he disappeared into the wall, transporting himself back to his high horse on Mount Olympus. Hades' expression darkened. "Crystal." He wasn't going back to the dark pits of Tartarus. Not a chance. Still, he didn't want to find himself inspecting his brother's small intestine for the next millennia. There had to be a way out of this.
It was time to do what he did best: work the system.
He'd done that already and it hadn't worked out so great. Not that he'd never do it again, but these things required a subtle touch and some reasonably thought out scheming.
His plan this time was simple: lay low, keep out of Zeus' sight and make a plan. He hadn't gotten to the plan part yet. Oprah had distracted him from that.
Zeus
"So this is what you've been reduced to!" Zeus leaned against the cavern wall. "Talk shows."
Hades
Hades was on his feet faster than he'd ever been before. He didn't say anything. It was hard to talk when you had an expression on your face that clearly showed you knew you were busted.
Zeus
"Don't have a heart attack, Hades, I'm not here to devour you whole. Dad's schtick always made me a little squeamish. Took me a while to find you. I didn't even notice this place until Hermes told me he spotted it on one of his pizza runs."
Hades
Freak out moment over, Hades slipped into the calmest voice he could muster. He was good at this. "Zeus! What brings you to my humble abode?"
Zeus
"Well, you did try to kill my son." Zeus had suddenly found the remote control interesting and started flipping through the stations. Oprah, Jerry, a re-run of the Red Wings crushing the Stars, a soap opera with shirtless wet boys, ooh Wheel of Fortune.
Hades
"C'mon!" Hades said, keeping his distance from Zeus while still trying to make a personal connection. "That old thing? Ancient history. Literally. Let's let bygones be bygones. We all do things that get a little out of hand."
Zeus
"Like unleashing the Titans and trying to usurp my throne?"
Hades
"Yeah," Hades said, expression falling. "Like that."
Zeus
Zeus turned his attention back to Hades. "Why the long face? I already told you I'm not going to eat you."
Hades
"There are worse things."
Zeus
They both paused for a moment, remembering when their father really had tried to eat them. The digestive tract of a god was not a pleasant place to be for any amount of time. Zeus and Hades shuddered.
Hades
"Then why are you here?"
Zeus
"Hades," Zeus said, sticking his chin out, "you might think that when I took on the responsibility of being head of the gods that I assigned you a dirty job. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not naive. I know it's not an easy task. But you were never one to fit in with the rest of the family. I gave you the job of running the Underworld because it was a big responsibility. I needed someone I could trust to run it like a business and get all the paperwork just right. Not to mention, it gave you some freedom and your own place where you could keep your dog."
Hades
Hades turned, as if thinking about what Zeus was saying, but really he was rolling his eyes. He'd heard the spiel. Zeus, the benevolent dictator, going on and on about how he was really doing the right thing by banishing his brothers to the ocean and Underworld and not at all protecting his own interests. "Is there a point to this little trip down memory lane?"
Zeus
Zeus frowned. "I thought we could catch up and reminisce, but I can see you're a busy man. I'll cut to the chase. The truth of the matter is that the Underworld can't run without you. Charon been keeping things afloat, hah! Afloat, get it? And I sent Ares to fill in, but you know Ares. He doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, but he doesn't do windows or souls. Things are falling apart at the seams down there and you know how I get when things aren't going smoothly."
Hades
"Yeah, it involves animal form and women." Hades shuddered again.
Zeus
"Everyone needs a stress reliever. The point is that I can forgive you for trying to kill Hercules. Goodness knows I love the boy, but he began to bug even me after a while, not to mention that wife of his managed to alienate half of the pantheon after only one family get-together. I could even overlook you trying to take my throne. What's a little rivalry between brothers? But the one thing I absolutely cannot abide is you shirking your responsibilities. We all have to pitch in. It's not easy being godly and we all have to do our part."
Hades
"And if I don't?"
Zeus
"Then forget everything I said. I'll hold you fully accountable and eat you whole."
Hades
"I thought you said that was disgusting, which, mind you, it is. Also, completely unhygenic."
Zeus
Zeus shrugged and tossed Hades the remote control. "It's an efficient way to deal with problems. Think about it." He took a few steps towards the wall where rolling smoke had formed. "Then get your butt down and get back to work. Now that I know where you're keeping yourself occupied on your little vacation, I'll be sure to stop in again to make sure you're doing what you're told. Clear?"
Hades
Hades glared at the smoke and at Zeus as he disappeared into the wall, transporting himself back to his high horse on Mount Olympus. Hades' expression darkened. "Crystal." He wasn't going back to the dark pits of Tartarus. Not a chance. Still, he didn't want to find himself inspecting his brother's small intestine for the next millennia. There had to be a way out of this.
It was time to do what he did best: work the system.