(no subject)
So I'm listening to Loveline, and a caller calls in with something that will undoubtedly give me nightmares for years:
(all emphasis my own)
Silas (Caller): I was with my girlfriend, and she is an epileptic, and um, so shes...
Dr. Drew: Oh boy...
Silas: She um, was performing oral sex on me, and um she.. she had my testicles in her mouth.
Drew: Testicles?!
Silas: yeah. and um
Drew: The Hell?
Silas: She had-
Drew: Hold on a second. What do you mean?
Stryker (Cohost): You gotta play with the boys Drew. You can't just let those sit there. The girl's got a mess with those a little bit
Drew: Yeah, but I mean mess with them; she has both of your testicles completely in her mouth?
Silas: mmmhmm.
Stryker: No. no she did not have both of em in there!
Drew: No she didnt.
Silas: yeah.
Stryker: Noone does that move. No girls do that move unless it's some crazy weird porno.
Silas: she kissed down the penis and then she put one in her mouth. and THEN SHE HAD A SEIZURE and, and she bit down really hard, and she like RIPPED IT OPEN. And so she's on the ground shaking and I was there screaming because my nutsack was ripped open. and then, and i passed out. and then i don't know what happened. And so I, I woke up in the emergency room, and they had sewn it up and I guess IT FELL OUT. So they put in a new one, and...
Later...
Silas: This was all paid for by her parents; they're like rich but I'm not so... they like.
Drew: Wow. How did they - How did that go down with them? so to speak.
SIlas: They- They- so They came in. Well, I was at her house, and they came in and I guess her daughter was, er, their daughter was having a seizure and I was like on the bed bleeding or whatever
Drew: You had passed out.
Silas: Yeah, and
Stryker: With a boner and a bleeding nut with a.. now did they treat the siezure patient or the torn nut patient first?
Silas: I have no idea, I was out cold so...I I I woke up and she was fine and I was nutless.
Drew: The family didn't sit down and have a little talk with you or anything?
Silas: No, they're, its, well the whole thing is really awkward and I have no idea- I haven't seen this girl since, and um.. I dunno.
Stryker: It's like there's something about mary, you're the bleeder...
Later...
Drew: That's just an incredible story... I wan't you to imagine what the parents walked into. Just think about this: They have a seizure, a daughter having a generalized seizure. Some- Some... kid. on her bed with his testicle outside of his scrotum, bleeding to death. I mean these are ris- bleeding problems. They bleed like hell. Unconcious both of them. How did they have to come up- I mean...there's so many missing pieces to this.
Stryker: I want the 911 tape when they call.
Drew: YES! I know! I know!
Stryker: Can you im- Hello 911...
I think this is the call that will make me chaste until FOREVER.
(all emphasis my own)
Silas (Caller): I was with my girlfriend, and she is an epileptic, and um, so shes...
Dr. Drew: Oh boy...
Silas: She um, was performing oral sex on me, and um she.. she had my testicles in her mouth.
Drew: Testicles?!
Silas: yeah. and um
Drew: The Hell?
Silas: She had-
Drew: Hold on a second. What do you mean?
Stryker (Cohost): You gotta play with the boys Drew. You can't just let those sit there. The girl's got a mess with those a little bit
Drew: Yeah, but I mean mess with them; she has both of your testicles completely in her mouth?
Silas: mmmhmm.
Stryker: No. no she did not have both of em in there!
Drew: No she didnt.
Silas: yeah.
Stryker: Noone does that move. No girls do that move unless it's some crazy weird porno.
Silas: she kissed down the penis and then she put one in her mouth. and THEN SHE HAD A SEIZURE and, and she bit down really hard, and she like RIPPED IT OPEN. And so she's on the ground shaking and I was there screaming because my nutsack was ripped open. and then, and i passed out. and then i don't know what happened. And so I, I woke up in the emergency room, and they had sewn it up and I guess IT FELL OUT. So they put in a new one, and...
Later...
Silas: This was all paid for by her parents; they're like rich but I'm not so... they like.
Drew: Wow. How did they - How did that go down with them? so to speak.
SIlas: They- They- so They came in. Well, I was at her house, and they came in and I guess her daughter was, er, their daughter was having a seizure and I was like on the bed bleeding or whatever
Drew: You had passed out.
Silas: Yeah, and
Stryker: With a boner and a bleeding nut with a.. now did they treat the siezure patient or the torn nut patient first?
Silas: I have no idea, I was out cold so...I I I woke up and she was fine and I was nutless.
Drew: The family didn't sit down and have a little talk with you or anything?
Silas: No, they're, its, well the whole thing is really awkward and I have no idea- I haven't seen this girl since, and um.. I dunno.
Stryker: It's like there's something about mary, you're the bleeder...
Later...
Drew: That's just an incredible story... I wan't you to imagine what the parents walked into. Just think about this: They have a seizure, a daughter having a generalized seizure. Some- Some... kid. on her bed with his testicle outside of his scrotum, bleeding to death. I mean these are ris- bleeding problems. They bleed like hell. Unconcious both of them. How did they have to come up- I mean...there's so many missing pieces to this.
Stryker: I want the 911 tape when they call.
Drew: YES! I know! I know!
Stryker: Can you im- Hello 911...
I think this is the call that will make me chaste until FOREVER.