My show is so homosexual that people who've never seen it before can see the gay.
So, I didn't get to watch this live, but I DVR'ed it and watched tonight. With my new girlfriend. This is important for a couple of reasons: 1. She knew I was a scifi geek, but I hadn't exactly spelled out my ridiculous dorkitude to her. 2. I hadn't explained this whole "slash" concept, nor the fact that my involvement in fandom consists largely of reading kinky gay porn. 3. She's never heard me squee. 4. She's a lesbian, and thus unlikely to be so distracted by John and Rodney's hotness that she forgives gaping plotholes (as I am, for instance).
I was terrified she was going to hate it, or think I'm a total loser. She didn't.
That being said, here are random extracts from my evening:
Me: So, listen, I love this show a lot.
Her: You said that.
Me: No, no, I mean - I love this show more than is healthy. I make really embarrassing noises while I watch it. I lust over every goddamned character on it.
Her: I get it. I've seen you watch Star Trek, you know.
Me: Yeah, but this is a new episode.
Her: ...
Her: Hey, isn't that doctor from Firefly?
Me: *suddenly overwhelmed with attraction and affection*
Me: God, I'd missed Sheppard being hot. He's the one with the spiky hair
Her: *looks at me oddly* The woman next to him's hot, I guess.
Me: Chuck!
Her: uh, okay?
Me: Nevermind.
Me: Rodney and Radek are telepathic with each other. It makes me so happy.
Her: Really?
Me: No, obviously.
Her: Well, they could be; it's science fiction! Hell if I know.
Me: Sorry, no, they're just awesome.
Me: *whimpers at Amanda Tapping* God, please don't fuck this show up.
Her: She's really, really hot.
Her: The science guy - is he fucking the guy you think is hot?
Me: Marry me?
Her: Don't make fun of me. They just have some weird-ass subtext going on.
Me: No, seriously, I'm proposing.
Me: Oh, please don't let the redshirts die. Please. Fuck.
Her: Did we care about the dead guys?
Me: Uh, not really, but - shit. Poor Rodney. Oh, John's face.
Me: Jesus Christ, Jason Momoa's shoulders. I think he should never wear anything but that shirt EVER.
Her: Kinda lost on me, sorry.
Me: Keller's touching John.
Her: ...
Me: That's not okay.
Her: Will science guy get jealous?
Me: No. Well, yes, but John's weird about this stuff.
Her: Do you care at all that this Elizabeth person is apparently dying/brain damaged?
Me: Not really. Goddammit, woman, get your hand off John.
Me: Oh, Rodney. I'm sorry you didn't get to be ecstatic for longer. Your little bounce was awesome, though.
Her: ...sure.
Me: John's thinky face is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Her: He looks kind of like he's pretending to be deep and thinky and really he's wondering when science guy will be naked.
Me: God, you're the best girlfriend ever.
Her: Is it just me, or are the gay guys the worst inspiring speech-makers I've ever seen?
Me: No, they're definitely awful at it.
Her: Are they also totally dorks? Because I don't think space heroes are supposed to talk about playing Asteroids.
Me: Holy shit, it's a fleet of puddlejumpers.
Her: Okay?
Me: That's so cool.
Me: I think Rodney's little BA piloting move with the tower is ridiculously hot. If I think it's hot, Sheppard is probably panting to throw himself at him.
Her: Which one's which again?
Her: Does the shielded tower look like a penis with a condom on it to anyone else?
Me: ...I thought you didn't fuck boys.
Her: I don't. But it still looks like a penis with a condom on it.
Me: It totally does.
Me: RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN!!!1!! *dolphin noises*
Her: What the hell?
Me: RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN! RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN!
Her: I thought they were fucking.
Me: They ARE. RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN! *squeeeeeeeeee* *rewinds*
[repeat this exchange like five times as I keep rewinding]
Me: John is so ridiculous. I love that he can't walk away from the obvious and terrible pun.
Her: And you're attracted to that? Because I can make terrible puns, you know.
Me: RONON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squee* OMG HIS SHOULDERS. OMG HE'S TALKING TO HER. OMG.
Her: What?
Me: RONON/ELIZABETH! Please, fandom gods, please let me have a canon ship. I haven't had one since Firefly.
Her: *desperately* I know Firefly. Zoe was hot.
Me: RADEK! Be okay, Radek!
Her: ...
Her: Uh-oh, science guy's sleeping on the couch tonight.
Me: Please, like John would ever tell him no.
Her: He's pretty pissed off. Also, is he an alien?
Me: ...whuh?
Her: His ears. They look like the elf ones.
Me: Seriously, how do you feel about moving to Connecticut and getting married?
Her: You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.
Me: John just scratched his head. God, I love him.
Her: I scratch my head. *demonstrates*
Me: I love Rodney's hands.
Her: I can snap my fingers. *demonstrates*
Me: Wait, wait - look at John's face when he says "almost killed you." *rewinds*
Her: They're totally fucking.
Me: OMG, they're going to be Ocean's 11 in space. This is such a terrible and yet awesome idea.
Her: They all looked really excited about it. Won't that be dangerous?
Me: They have no self-protection instincts. More importantly, they're going to pull off a motherfucking heist.
Her: You and your show are very, very strange.
Me: I'm - sorry?
Her: Do you the back episodes somewhere so I can catch up by Friday?
Me: No, really, Connecticut is a great state.
In conclusion, John and Rodney are such boyfriends it's ridiculous, Keller is awesome, Ronon is so hot I can't stand it, Radek is a pile of fuzzy love, Teyla being competent is wonderful, and RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN. Also, my girlfriend is the coolest person ever.
I was terrified she was going to hate it, or think I'm a total loser. She didn't.
That being said, here are random extracts from my evening:
Me: So, listen, I love this show a lot.
Her: You said that.
Me: No, no, I mean - I love this show more than is healthy. I make really embarrassing noises while I watch it. I lust over every goddamned character on it.
Her: I get it. I've seen you watch Star Trek, you know.
Me: Yeah, but this is a new episode.
Her: ...
Her: Hey, isn't that doctor from Firefly?
Me: *suddenly overwhelmed with attraction and affection*
Me: God, I'd missed Sheppard being hot. He's the one with the spiky hair
Her: *looks at me oddly* The woman next to him's hot, I guess.
Me: Chuck!
Her: uh, okay?
Me: Nevermind.
Me: Rodney and Radek are telepathic with each other. It makes me so happy.
Her: Really?
Me: No, obviously.
Her: Well, they could be; it's science fiction! Hell if I know.
Me: Sorry, no, they're just awesome.
Me: *whimpers at Amanda Tapping* God, please don't fuck this show up.
Her: She's really, really hot.
Her: The science guy - is he fucking the guy you think is hot?
Me: Marry me?
Her: Don't make fun of me. They just have some weird-ass subtext going on.
Me: No, seriously, I'm proposing.
Me: Oh, please don't let the redshirts die. Please. Fuck.
Her: Did we care about the dead guys?
Me: Uh, not really, but - shit. Poor Rodney. Oh, John's face.
Me: Jesus Christ, Jason Momoa's shoulders. I think he should never wear anything but that shirt EVER.
Her: Kinda lost on me, sorry.
Me: Keller's touching John.
Her: ...
Me: That's not okay.
Her: Will science guy get jealous?
Me: No. Well, yes, but John's weird about this stuff.
Her: Do you care at all that this Elizabeth person is apparently dying/brain damaged?
Me: Not really. Goddammit, woman, get your hand off John.
Me: Oh, Rodney. I'm sorry you didn't get to be ecstatic for longer. Your little bounce was awesome, though.
Her: ...sure.
Me: John's thinky face is the coolest thing I've ever seen.
Her: He looks kind of like he's pretending to be deep and thinky and really he's wondering when science guy will be naked.
Me: God, you're the best girlfriend ever.
Her: Is it just me, or are the gay guys the worst inspiring speech-makers I've ever seen?
Me: No, they're definitely awful at it.
Her: Are they also totally dorks? Because I don't think space heroes are supposed to talk about playing Asteroids.
Me: Holy shit, it's a fleet of puddlejumpers.
Her: Okay?
Me: That's so cool.
Me: I think Rodney's little BA piloting move with the tower is ridiculously hot. If I think it's hot, Sheppard is probably panting to throw himself at him.
Her: Which one's which again?
Her: Does the shielded tower look like a penis with a condom on it to anyone else?
Me: ...I thought you didn't fuck boys.
Her: I don't. But it still looks like a penis with a condom on it.
Me: It totally does.
Me: RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN!!!1!! *dolphin noises*
Her: What the hell?
Me: RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN! RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN!
Her: I thought they were fucking.
Me: They ARE. RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN! *squeeeeeeeeee* *rewinds*
[repeat this exchange like five times as I keep rewinding]
Me: John is so ridiculous. I love that he can't walk away from the obvious and terrible pun.
Her: And you're attracted to that? Because I can make terrible puns, you know.
Me: RONON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squee* OMG HIS SHOULDERS. OMG HE'S TALKING TO HER. OMG.
Her: What?
Me: RONON/ELIZABETH! Please, fandom gods, please let me have a canon ship. I haven't had one since Firefly.
Her: *desperately* I know Firefly. Zoe was hot.
Me: RADEK! Be okay, Radek!
Her: ...
Her: Uh-oh, science guy's sleeping on the couch tonight.
Me: Please, like John would ever tell him no.
Her: He's pretty pissed off. Also, is he an alien?
Me: ...whuh?
Her: His ears. They look like the elf ones.
Me: Seriously, how do you feel about moving to Connecticut and getting married?
Her: You could cut the sexual tension with a knife.
Me: John just scratched his head. God, I love him.
Her: I scratch my head. *demonstrates*
Me: I love Rodney's hands.
Her: I can snap my fingers. *demonstrates*
Me: Wait, wait - look at John's face when he says "almost killed you." *rewinds*
Her: They're totally fucking.
Me: OMG, they're going to be Ocean's 11 in space. This is such a terrible and yet awesome idea.
Her: They all looked really excited about it. Won't that be dangerous?
Me: They have no self-protection instincts. More importantly, they're going to pull off a motherfucking heist.
Her: You and your show are very, very strange.
Me: I'm - sorry?
Her: Do you the back episodes somewhere so I can catch up by Friday?
Me: No, really, Connecticut is a great state.
In conclusion, John and Rodney are such boyfriends it's ridiculous, Keller is awesome, Ronon is so hot I can't stand it, Radek is a pile of fuzzy love, Teyla being competent is wonderful, and RODNEY CALLED HIM JOHN. Also, my girlfriend is the coolest person ever.