home
After yet another hectic cross-country move here I am in Edmonton with my husband (?!) having taken up a postdoctoral fellowship at the U of A (!?). The past six weeks have been a complete bloody whirlwind and if I ever get it into my head to move again during the holidays please put me out of my self-inflicted misery. At least we're just still renters and not home owners. I can't imagine this huge move with the addition of that particular stress.
All that aside, things have gone fairly smoothly: I love our new little place, love the new office and colleagues, and love this dear old town. I grew up in south-central Edmonton and moved away mere weeks after high school. I came back twice during summers in undergrad to work but that was many moons ago. I have three of my dearest friends still here and so much family that we have yet to go a few days without a visit or two. For me this is a homecoming in so many weird ways. I'm so lucky to have kept up close relationships with my loved ones here but there's something completely overwhelming about returning to the homeplace as an adult. A feeling not dissimilar to that weird phenomenon of reverting back to childhood family dynamics when with immediate family. I've found myself in moments of complete unsureness and self-doubt that I haven't experienced (outside of an academic setting) in years. A hangover from growing up and never feeling quite with it. Logically I know this is a natural consequence of being in a particular location. On top of this is the huge weight of the dissertation defense that still hasn't happened (April?) and the weird position of starting a postdoc without my doc papers firmly in hand. Whirling whirling whirling head. A third layer of disjointedness comes from moving with a freshly-minted husband. I feel so much responsibility because he gave up a job, friends, family, and bands to come along with me. There's a constant, buzzing, frantic voice demanding that I make this opportunity worth it to compensate for what Nathan has "lost" even though he was 100% behind the move and is using it, as I am, as a way to inject fresh energy and ideas both creatively and professionally. Le sigh.
There are so many good things though. Such as:
1) we are a block from the river valley! So beautiful!
2) our apartment is tiny and perfect. One hundred years old with big south-facing windows, a claw-foot tub, a gas stove, free internet (yay!) and cable (yay? TV is so weird now. I don't know guys...)
3) Everyone in my family talks and acts like me! This symmetry is comforting.
4) So much sun.
In conclusion: being a grown up is hard but there is so much behind, around, and ahead of me to make it all worth it.
All that aside, things have gone fairly smoothly: I love our new little place, love the new office and colleagues, and love this dear old town. I grew up in south-central Edmonton and moved away mere weeks after high school. I came back twice during summers in undergrad to work but that was many moons ago. I have three of my dearest friends still here and so much family that we have yet to go a few days without a visit or two. For me this is a homecoming in so many weird ways. I'm so lucky to have kept up close relationships with my loved ones here but there's something completely overwhelming about returning to the homeplace as an adult. A feeling not dissimilar to that weird phenomenon of reverting back to childhood family dynamics when with immediate family. I've found myself in moments of complete unsureness and self-doubt that I haven't experienced (outside of an academic setting) in years. A hangover from growing up and never feeling quite with it. Logically I know this is a natural consequence of being in a particular location. On top of this is the huge weight of the dissertation defense that still hasn't happened (April?) and the weird position of starting a postdoc without my doc papers firmly in hand. Whirling whirling whirling head. A third layer of disjointedness comes from moving with a freshly-minted husband. I feel so much responsibility because he gave up a job, friends, family, and bands to come along with me. There's a constant, buzzing, frantic voice demanding that I make this opportunity worth it to compensate for what Nathan has "lost" even though he was 100% behind the move and is using it, as I am, as a way to inject fresh energy and ideas both creatively and professionally. Le sigh.
There are so many good things though. Such as:
1) we are a block from the river valley! So beautiful!
2) our apartment is tiny and perfect. One hundred years old with big south-facing windows, a claw-foot tub, a gas stove, free internet (yay!) and cable (yay? TV is so weird now. I don't know guys...)
3) Everyone in my family talks and acts like me! This symmetry is comforting.
4) So much sun.
In conclusion: being a grown up is hard but there is so much behind, around, and ahead of me to make it all worth it.