Midlife blahs
I used to think I loved working nights. Then I got a day shift for about a year. It was nice to feel like part of the human race again, being able to dinner with people, etc. My work schedule has shifted yet again to nights. (I can't escape!) I realized that since I started with this company in April 2013, I have held four different positions/shifts. It's wearing on me now. My new job is fine, a little better suited to my temperament actually, but it brings back the old working-nights-incredibly-lonely-isolated blues again. Part of it is the working climate over here vs. at the LB Register. We had a really collegial group and were always chatting, joking. I miss that!
Now part of the blues blitz this may have something to do with the fact that I'm not super great about making sure I take the antidepressants every day. (Maybe subconsciously because they really mess with my function in certain areas.) I really notice if I am off of them for a few days, because I get really snappy and irritable. So yeah, improve Jody.
I think it's also a function of feeling very close to anyone in my current social circle at the moment. I see a regular group pretty regularly, and it's good, but it feels very superficial. I did go down to Encinitas for part of "Friendcation" this year to feel more a part of things. (They do this once a year, and go to a nice resort within a couple of hours driving distance from the L.A. area) It was lovely there at the resort, but it partly served to reaffirm how much they are all part of a different socioeconomic class than me.
More than 90 percent of the women in this group don't work, but they live really comfortable lives and get to travel a lot and don't (appear) to have to worry about every penny. Their husbands really seem to care for them and make sure they are treated well. I can't say I'm not jealous. Even when married, that was not the kind of husband J. was. I love working and being able to support myself, but I'm certainly not able to participate in all the things many of my married or coupled friends can. The pay-to-play scenario is tough to cope with sometimes.
It's not all whining, there is good stuff, too. I still have a job, slightly closer to home, no pay cut, better title. Learning something new to add to the resume, which I love to do.
I got to join the boy and his schoolmates over spring break to travel to Baltimore and D.C., which was fun! It was a lot of time in a van, but the school really made an effort to make it a thrifty trip so the outlay of money was minimal. We got to stay in private homes, so no hotels. I had a nice big bed all to myself, which I wasn't expecting and our hosts were gracious and accommodating.
We saw the memorials/monuments: Jefferson, FDR, King, Lincoln, the Vietnam Wall. Some of the museums: Smithsonians, National Portrait Gallery, etc. Had lunch with an old friend. Got rained on and saw snow! Stood on the edge of an 18 Century fortress. Saw the original "Old Glory" and Abe Lincoln's top hat. Squeezed through a busy public market in Philadelphia. Stood on the place were 20,000 plague victims were buried. Learned about the end of slavery and how Quakers played a role in ending it. Sat in a silent Meeting of Friends. Was showered with cherry blossoms. And mostly, spent time with the kid.
Two other big things loom on the horizon this year: My big 4-0 and the trip to the UK. I think the 40 milestone is more in my own mind. I think I need to use it as an excuse to really make an effort to get fit and healthy. I sit waaay too much. When I was Irish dancing, I certainly felt slimmer and better. I would love to do that again. We shall see. At the least, I will join up some kind of fitness group or class. Something must be done.
The UK trip is in October and I will get to see some dear friends who are living out there. It as yet seems unreal, but I need to do some serious planning to find out what I really want to see and what's possible. My friends are living in the center of the country and so London is about 2 hours south. It's so exciting. It's certainly always something I've wanted to do, and to do it with two good friends who are "locals" now will be so much the better. It doesn't seem real yet. I think I'll pick up a guidebook.
And next week, I will be visiting Sean and Karen and seeing some of the Strangies crew! So looking forward to it, and since it's furlough, I will be able to stop by for more than just a weekend. Sounds like, as ever, Sean has some wonderful things planned and maybe we even hit an aquarium and a museum. It's always a good time when I visit Toronto, which is starting to feel like a second home to me. It will be my seventh trip out there in as many years. Craziness.
Well, that was longer than I planned. It's good to get it out there. I should journal more, especially if no one is watching. :)
Now part of the blues blitz this may have something to do with the fact that I'm not super great about making sure I take the antidepressants every day. (Maybe subconsciously because they really mess with my function in certain areas.) I really notice if I am off of them for a few days, because I get really snappy and irritable. So yeah, improve Jody.
I think it's also a function of feeling very close to anyone in my current social circle at the moment. I see a regular group pretty regularly, and it's good, but it feels very superficial. I did go down to Encinitas for part of "Friendcation" this year to feel more a part of things. (They do this once a year, and go to a nice resort within a couple of hours driving distance from the L.A. area) It was lovely there at the resort, but it partly served to reaffirm how much they are all part of a different socioeconomic class than me.
More than 90 percent of the women in this group don't work, but they live really comfortable lives and get to travel a lot and don't (appear) to have to worry about every penny. Their husbands really seem to care for them and make sure they are treated well. I can't say I'm not jealous. Even when married, that was not the kind of husband J. was. I love working and being able to support myself, but I'm certainly not able to participate in all the things many of my married or coupled friends can. The pay-to-play scenario is tough to cope with sometimes.
It's not all whining, there is good stuff, too. I still have a job, slightly closer to home, no pay cut, better title. Learning something new to add to the resume, which I love to do.
I got to join the boy and his schoolmates over spring break to travel to Baltimore and D.C., which was fun! It was a lot of time in a van, but the school really made an effort to make it a thrifty trip so the outlay of money was minimal. We got to stay in private homes, so no hotels. I had a nice big bed all to myself, which I wasn't expecting and our hosts were gracious and accommodating.
We saw the memorials/monuments: Jefferson, FDR, King, Lincoln, the Vietnam Wall. Some of the museums: Smithsonians, National Portrait Gallery, etc. Had lunch with an old friend. Got rained on and saw snow! Stood on the edge of an 18 Century fortress. Saw the original "Old Glory" and Abe Lincoln's top hat. Squeezed through a busy public market in Philadelphia. Stood on the place were 20,000 plague victims were buried. Learned about the end of slavery and how Quakers played a role in ending it. Sat in a silent Meeting of Friends. Was showered with cherry blossoms. And mostly, spent time with the kid.
Two other big things loom on the horizon this year: My big 4-0 and the trip to the UK. I think the 40 milestone is more in my own mind. I think I need to use it as an excuse to really make an effort to get fit and healthy. I sit waaay too much. When I was Irish dancing, I certainly felt slimmer and better. I would love to do that again. We shall see. At the least, I will join up some kind of fitness group or class. Something must be done.
The UK trip is in October and I will get to see some dear friends who are living out there. It as yet seems unreal, but I need to do some serious planning to find out what I really want to see and what's possible. My friends are living in the center of the country and so London is about 2 hours south. It's so exciting. It's certainly always something I've wanted to do, and to do it with two good friends who are "locals" now will be so much the better. It doesn't seem real yet. I think I'll pick up a guidebook.
And next week, I will be visiting Sean and Karen and seeing some of the Strangies crew! So looking forward to it, and since it's furlough, I will be able to stop by for more than just a weekend. Sounds like, as ever, Sean has some wonderful things planned and maybe we even hit an aquarium and a museum. It's always a good time when I visit Toronto, which is starting to feel like a second home to me. It will be my seventh trip out there in as many years. Craziness.
Well, that was longer than I planned. It's good to get it out there. I should journal more, especially if no one is watching. :)