Asian Invasion
Immediately, Shirui rejoiced at the news which was being broadcast over the television. You know what kind of a crazy space-age television gadget I’m talking about. In stuff like Star Wars and Star Trek and all the really cool cartoon outer space shows (like the time the Rugrats went into a spaceship) and from Zenon, its that TV screen that shows the evil villain from the other ship who always says “Comply with our orders. Resistance is futile.” And then the good guys always end up winning. Well this is like the same thing, except its on the island. Neal even said “Resistance is futile” and, because he’s Asian and he has that really intelligent sounding voice (ha), he actually sounded like the evil villains from the space-themed movies and TV shows.
“Greetings, I am Neal Modi.” He was speaking in that creepy, quick, intelligent-sounding voice. “Yo man! We gon be rollin up on de island! Yeah man, right? Dude, this island has to be one of the paradoxes of society, man. Dude, dude, its definitely not paradoxi, its paradoxes. I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve run a cost benefit analysis on the, the, the, the marketplace of ideas on the, the, the, the island. We’ve come to collect all the Asians from this island for our army of clones, since we all look alike anyway. We will collect your Asians, then sail southwest, taking any other Asians we come across. We will proceed to begin in South Africa with an invasion, taking over all of Africa slowly. Then, once we hit Egypt, we should have an army made up, not only of Asians, but of black people as well. Then we will proceed to invade Europe, working East until we finally take Russia, taking down every whitey we find. Then travel to America, to kill all the white people and give them punishment for putting the Japanese in internment camps during World War II. Then, after taking down all the world superpowers, we will head to Canada to colonize and rule the world. Over and out.”
The screen went black. All the castaways were sitting around the control room, wondering what had just happened. Shirui had a huge grin across his face, as he always does, but wasn’t too happy that the Asians were coming to take him away.
A few miles off the island, a fleet of four huge ships sailing toward it. Standing proudly atop the lead ship rose Neal Modi, Captain of the fleet and ultra Indian. Behind him on this ship of Indians stood Deeva, much shorter, but in admiration of Neals’ beautiful hair. On another ship stood Lyra insert last name, who was proudly commanding her crew of far Asians while taking emo picture of herself from awkward angles and in mirrors. On the third ship stood Matt and Jessica Veland, a couple, representing the unity of both far and near Asians. The visor on Matt’s head provided extensive inspiration for all those on board. The last ship represented the power of the small people, on which Anessa and Parth stood, making out with each other. They ordered the army on deck through drills of all sorts. As they approached the island, however, Anessa noticed something seemed flawed in the group of say ten thousand Asians lined up in a grid. There was one Asian who seemed a little bit different.
“Soldier Smith, come forward,” Parth proclaimed, as his voice cracked. He was 11 years old and going through awkward puberty as an Indian. The form rose and came toward them, standing at attention. “Soldier Smith, you don’t appear to be Asian to me. I have traveled the many continents of the Orient, and have yet to see anything like you. You do not seem to be Filipino, or Korean, nor Chinese, nor Japanese, nor Indian. Hell, we’d even let you in if you were Australian, but you appear to be a different type of warrior. What is your name?”
“Kristin Smith.”
“Kristin Smith does not sound Asian to me.”
“Yo, I’m Asian on the inside, brotha. I may have been a little burnt, but I’m a true Asian gangsta, man.”
Parth was being a bit cruel. “Fall back in line, cadet, and get some exercise or something. There’s no way you could have just eaten rice all your life.”
So the four ships of the Asian empire sailed forward, hoping to take whatever intelligent life (by intelligent, we mean valedictorian smart) lay on this island. They charged forward like the dragon, igniting the flame of rebellion as they sailed.
The captains drove their boats straight onto the island and hopped off onto the beach. Neal led the charge into the jungle, while everyone else sort of fell behind. Matt and Jessica and Anessa and Parth stayed on the beach making out. I know what you’re thinking, Anessa and Parth, but Anessa had a thing for younger guys. Deeva had felt the urge to remain behind also, because she too had found love. She felt that she had a strong physical attraction to one of the island trees and immediately walked over to it. Although it could not speak, Deeva could tell that it was definitely checking her out. She grabbed onto one of the branches and began to climb up, lightly caressing it as she moved across. She had fallen in love with a tree. (don’t ask how this came about. Deeva really didn’t want a relationship with Neal) Lyra, the last Asian left behind on the beach, was now talking to her secret boyfriend on her cell phone, praying that her mom at home wouldn’t check the call log. The thousands upon thousands of Asians from each boat quickly invaded the island, searching for other Asian companions.
Now let me tell you that Kaitlin and Sarah had been inseparable since Sarah had returned from her kidnapping. They had been doing everything together, and at the point where the Asian message broadcast in the dome, they had just left the dome to find firewood (why do they need this when they still have electricity? Because I need an excuse to get them out of the dome) and were traveling across the lake when they began to hear movement. Like marching in the distance. Soon all the trees began to shake around the lake. There was movement everywhere, but it was organized, almost searching. Then they saw the first Asians come out of the trees. At first Sarah thought they were giant ants and Kaitlin was sure that they were oversized bees flittering to and fro in an army (Anthony would have screamed), but they soon realized that these weird creatures were human, and that they were almost like Shirui. They quickly turned around the boat, or tried, with Sarah paddling on one side very hard and Kaitlin paddling on the other very hard. Then they agreed to both paddle on the same side, but actually ended up tipping the small boat over. Luckily they both knew how to swim, and the water seemed to be temporarily holding the thousands, nay millions, of Asians back. They did not know how to deal with this strange lake. Many Asians can’t swim, but soon the Filipinos began to use their island power to swim, with far Asians and Indians on their backs. They reached the overturned boat where Sarah and Kaitlin were frantically trying to paddle back to the dome door with their hands.
Three hopped from a Filipino and onto the boat. “This one is too tall,” one said in an almost robotic voice. “Not Asian.”
“This one has blonde hair. Very pretty, but not Asian.” They quickly jumped from the boat and continued on their mission: to find and capture all the Asians on the island. They had enough manpower to cover and search the entire island in the matter of a few minutes.
Now I feel that it would be appropriate to follow the story of those castaways left back in the dome control room. Instantly they were all in awe of what had just happened on the television set. Shirui was the most scared of everyone, but he still had that eerie, unbothered smile on his face. They sat around for what seemed like a few minutes, talking about what the message could mean.
“It’s got to be a bluff,” said Alannah. “These guys are Asians, how much trouble can they be.”
Stasia was a bit more bothered by the message. “What if they really are coming to take Shirui?”
Just then, Joanna walked over the window and saw the Asians, floating across the lake and on all the shores. “Guys, I don’t think it was a joke. Come look at this.”
They all rushed to the window and realized the immediacy of the situation. Joanna and Anthony were sent to distract the Asians at the door of the dome, and Dale and Stacey were to get Shirui out of danger. Stasia and Alannah were to do something, but it wasn’t really important. It’s probably just something I made up like going to get firewood. So they all set off for their tasks. Anthony and Joanna apprehended them as they immediately entered the door and did their best to distract them. At first, the Asians seemed amazed at Anthony’s singing to Kelly Clarkson and Joanna’s interpretive dance, but soon a smart far Asian genius entered the dome and realized the trick. He was angry at the distraction and zapped Joanna with his laser. Just like that, she disappeared into thin air.
“Holy crap!” Anthony was very afraid at this point and ran down the hallway of the dome back to the control room, where Stasia and Alannah were waiting. They all shut the door tightly and locked it; however, the Asians were smart enough to open the lock with a secret decoder like they use in James Bond movies.
“Too tall. Not an Asian.”
They began to examine each of the figures.
“White skin coloration. Not an Asian.”
“Open eyes. Not an Asian.”
And so the Asians proceeded on through the dome, searching only for Asians and overpassing anything else. Instead of annihilating those they passed, they just left them to die. Dale and Stacey had run down the hall of the dome with Shirui to one of the bedrooms. “There is no way out!” Shirui yelled. “There are Asians everywhere! This is my only chance.”
So Shirui, the professor, began to fiddle around in the closet for the remains of the teleportation device Alannah had used to get on the island. He typed in the words “HIDING PLACE.” And hopped in. At this point he could only hope the teleportation device worked. As Asians arrived at the locked door and barely broke through, Shirui instantly vanished into thin air. The only people left in the room were Stacey and Dale. The Asians began the evaluation.
“White and stupid. Not Asian.”
“Dark skin tone. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Asian. Apprehend her.”
The Asians had made a mistake. As they carried her out of the room with every belief she was Asian, she tried to scream “I’m CAUCASIAN!” but they did not listen to her. After a complete checking of the dome, they continued back towards their ships. Within ten minutes all the Asians had searched the island and received the word from Neal to journey back towards the ships. They began to do this on foot and arrived back in a matter of minutes. Neal grabbed Matt, Jessica, Anessa, Parth, and Lyra and guided them back to their own individual ships. He never even realized Deeva was missing. The Asians who were holding Stacey brought her to Neal’s feet. He immediately pulled out his race identification device and scanned over Stacey’s body. It read: 75% Caucasian, 25% Native American. “Damnit you idiots, this is not an Asian! We didn’t find anything on the fucking island!”
So he kicked Stacey and motioned for the rest of the Asians to board the ships. As the ships pulled away, loaded with millions of aliens, Deeva remained atop the tall and masculine looking tree, watching them sail away, and wanting never to return to them. Stacey sat on the sand, wondering what had just happened. Shirui lay in a hiding place in an undisclosed location. Alannah, Stasia, Anthony, Dale, Kaitlin, and Sarah reunited and began a search for Stacey and Shirui. They did not know that with the loss of Joanna, they had gained another new castaway, and that Shirui was truly in the greatest hiding place of all…
NEXT TIME ON ANTHONY’S ISLAND…
The Sabel strikes back
Shirui is found
Our castaways meet Deeva and a mystery guest
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Anthony’s Island, sorry it took so long to write. I believe that in the end it came out satisfactorily. I leave for Florida in about 3 hours so there won’t be any islands for a few weeks. I will be back on like the 11th, so expect something soon after that. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer.
“Greetings, I am Neal Modi.” He was speaking in that creepy, quick, intelligent-sounding voice. “Yo man! We gon be rollin up on de island! Yeah man, right? Dude, this island has to be one of the paradoxes of society, man. Dude, dude, its definitely not paradoxi, its paradoxes. I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve run a cost benefit analysis on the, the, the, the marketplace of ideas on the, the, the, the island. We’ve come to collect all the Asians from this island for our army of clones, since we all look alike anyway. We will collect your Asians, then sail southwest, taking any other Asians we come across. We will proceed to begin in South Africa with an invasion, taking over all of Africa slowly. Then, once we hit Egypt, we should have an army made up, not only of Asians, but of black people as well. Then we will proceed to invade Europe, working East until we finally take Russia, taking down every whitey we find. Then travel to America, to kill all the white people and give them punishment for putting the Japanese in internment camps during World War II. Then, after taking down all the world superpowers, we will head to Canada to colonize and rule the world. Over and out.”
The screen went black. All the castaways were sitting around the control room, wondering what had just happened. Shirui had a huge grin across his face, as he always does, but wasn’t too happy that the Asians were coming to take him away.
A few miles off the island, a fleet of four huge ships sailing toward it. Standing proudly atop the lead ship rose Neal Modi, Captain of the fleet and ultra Indian. Behind him on this ship of Indians stood Deeva, much shorter, but in admiration of Neals’ beautiful hair. On another ship stood Lyra insert last name, who was proudly commanding her crew of far Asians while taking emo picture of herself from awkward angles and in mirrors. On the third ship stood Matt and Jessica Veland, a couple, representing the unity of both far and near Asians. The visor on Matt’s head provided extensive inspiration for all those on board. The last ship represented the power of the small people, on which Anessa and Parth stood, making out with each other. They ordered the army on deck through drills of all sorts. As they approached the island, however, Anessa noticed something seemed flawed in the group of say ten thousand Asians lined up in a grid. There was one Asian who seemed a little bit different.
“Soldier Smith, come forward,” Parth proclaimed, as his voice cracked. He was 11 years old and going through awkward puberty as an Indian. The form rose and came toward them, standing at attention. “Soldier Smith, you don’t appear to be Asian to me. I have traveled the many continents of the Orient, and have yet to see anything like you. You do not seem to be Filipino, or Korean, nor Chinese, nor Japanese, nor Indian. Hell, we’d even let you in if you were Australian, but you appear to be a different type of warrior. What is your name?”
“Kristin Smith.”
“Kristin Smith does not sound Asian to me.”
“Yo, I’m Asian on the inside, brotha. I may have been a little burnt, but I’m a true Asian gangsta, man.”
Parth was being a bit cruel. “Fall back in line, cadet, and get some exercise or something. There’s no way you could have just eaten rice all your life.”
So the four ships of the Asian empire sailed forward, hoping to take whatever intelligent life (by intelligent, we mean valedictorian smart) lay on this island. They charged forward like the dragon, igniting the flame of rebellion as they sailed.
The captains drove their boats straight onto the island and hopped off onto the beach. Neal led the charge into the jungle, while everyone else sort of fell behind. Matt and Jessica and Anessa and Parth stayed on the beach making out. I know what you’re thinking, Anessa and Parth, but Anessa had a thing for younger guys. Deeva had felt the urge to remain behind also, because she too had found love. She felt that she had a strong physical attraction to one of the island trees and immediately walked over to it. Although it could not speak, Deeva could tell that it was definitely checking her out. She grabbed onto one of the branches and began to climb up, lightly caressing it as she moved across. She had fallen in love with a tree. (don’t ask how this came about. Deeva really didn’t want a relationship with Neal) Lyra, the last Asian left behind on the beach, was now talking to her secret boyfriend on her cell phone, praying that her mom at home wouldn’t check the call log. The thousands upon thousands of Asians from each boat quickly invaded the island, searching for other Asian companions.
Now let me tell you that Kaitlin and Sarah had been inseparable since Sarah had returned from her kidnapping. They had been doing everything together, and at the point where the Asian message broadcast in the dome, they had just left the dome to find firewood (why do they need this when they still have electricity? Because I need an excuse to get them out of the dome) and were traveling across the lake when they began to hear movement. Like marching in the distance. Soon all the trees began to shake around the lake. There was movement everywhere, but it was organized, almost searching. Then they saw the first Asians come out of the trees. At first Sarah thought they were giant ants and Kaitlin was sure that they were oversized bees flittering to and fro in an army (Anthony would have screamed), but they soon realized that these weird creatures were human, and that they were almost like Shirui. They quickly turned around the boat, or tried, with Sarah paddling on one side very hard and Kaitlin paddling on the other very hard. Then they agreed to both paddle on the same side, but actually ended up tipping the small boat over. Luckily they both knew how to swim, and the water seemed to be temporarily holding the thousands, nay millions, of Asians back. They did not know how to deal with this strange lake. Many Asians can’t swim, but soon the Filipinos began to use their island power to swim, with far Asians and Indians on their backs. They reached the overturned boat where Sarah and Kaitlin were frantically trying to paddle back to the dome door with their hands.
Three hopped from a Filipino and onto the boat. “This one is too tall,” one said in an almost robotic voice. “Not Asian.”
“This one has blonde hair. Very pretty, but not Asian.” They quickly jumped from the boat and continued on their mission: to find and capture all the Asians on the island. They had enough manpower to cover and search the entire island in the matter of a few minutes.
Now I feel that it would be appropriate to follow the story of those castaways left back in the dome control room. Instantly they were all in awe of what had just happened on the television set. Shirui was the most scared of everyone, but he still had that eerie, unbothered smile on his face. They sat around for what seemed like a few minutes, talking about what the message could mean.
“It’s got to be a bluff,” said Alannah. “These guys are Asians, how much trouble can they be.”
Stasia was a bit more bothered by the message. “What if they really are coming to take Shirui?”
Just then, Joanna walked over the window and saw the Asians, floating across the lake and on all the shores. “Guys, I don’t think it was a joke. Come look at this.”
They all rushed to the window and realized the immediacy of the situation. Joanna and Anthony were sent to distract the Asians at the door of the dome, and Dale and Stacey were to get Shirui out of danger. Stasia and Alannah were to do something, but it wasn’t really important. It’s probably just something I made up like going to get firewood. So they all set off for their tasks. Anthony and Joanna apprehended them as they immediately entered the door and did their best to distract them. At first, the Asians seemed amazed at Anthony’s singing to Kelly Clarkson and Joanna’s interpretive dance, but soon a smart far Asian genius entered the dome and realized the trick. He was angry at the distraction and zapped Joanna with his laser. Just like that, she disappeared into thin air.
“Holy crap!” Anthony was very afraid at this point and ran down the hallway of the dome back to the control room, where Stasia and Alannah were waiting. They all shut the door tightly and locked it; however, the Asians were smart enough to open the lock with a secret decoder like they use in James Bond movies.
“Too tall. Not an Asian.”
They began to examine each of the figures.
“White skin coloration. Not an Asian.”
“Open eyes. Not an Asian.”
And so the Asians proceeded on through the dome, searching only for Asians and overpassing anything else. Instead of annihilating those they passed, they just left them to die. Dale and Stacey had run down the hall of the dome with Shirui to one of the bedrooms. “There is no way out!” Shirui yelled. “There are Asians everywhere! This is my only chance.”
So Shirui, the professor, began to fiddle around in the closet for the remains of the teleportation device Alannah had used to get on the island. He typed in the words “HIDING PLACE.” And hopped in. At this point he could only hope the teleportation device worked. As Asians arrived at the locked door and barely broke through, Shirui instantly vanished into thin air. The only people left in the room were Stacey and Dale. The Asians began the evaluation.
“White and stupid. Not Asian.”
“Dark skin tone. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Asian. Apprehend her.”
The Asians had made a mistake. As they carried her out of the room with every belief she was Asian, she tried to scream “I’m CAUCASIAN!” but they did not listen to her. After a complete checking of the dome, they continued back towards their ships. Within ten minutes all the Asians had searched the island and received the word from Neal to journey back towards the ships. They began to do this on foot and arrived back in a matter of minutes. Neal grabbed Matt, Jessica, Anessa, Parth, and Lyra and guided them back to their own individual ships. He never even realized Deeva was missing. The Asians who were holding Stacey brought her to Neal’s feet. He immediately pulled out his race identification device and scanned over Stacey’s body. It read: 75% Caucasian, 25% Native American. “Damnit you idiots, this is not an Asian! We didn’t find anything on the fucking island!”
So he kicked Stacey and motioned for the rest of the Asians to board the ships. As the ships pulled away, loaded with millions of aliens, Deeva remained atop the tall and masculine looking tree, watching them sail away, and wanting never to return to them. Stacey sat on the sand, wondering what had just happened. Shirui lay in a hiding place in an undisclosed location. Alannah, Stasia, Anthony, Dale, Kaitlin, and Sarah reunited and began a search for Stacey and Shirui. They did not know that with the loss of Joanna, they had gained another new castaway, and that Shirui was truly in the greatest hiding place of all…
NEXT TIME ON ANTHONY’S ISLAND…
The Sabel strikes back
Shirui is found
Our castaways meet Deeva and a mystery guest
I hope you enjoyed this episode of Anthony’s Island, sorry it took so long to write. I believe that in the end it came out satisfactorily. I leave for Florida in about 3 hours so there won’t be any islands for a few weeks. I will be back on like the 11th, so expect something soon after that. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer.