dead lioni day
I never listen to Nirvana. How'd this get in my head? (sighs)
I was not productive today. That's not good as my orals start the day after tomorrow. (smacks self) I can't do anything right.
I'm noticing that trying to find my place in life is making me want to buy things compulsively. Somehow subconsciously I think that will help me. Is that stupid? I mean, it could make sense, even if just a little. There's so much I want to change about myself, all these things about me that make me feel uncomfortable and insecure with others. Not things on the inside, but on the outside: how I dress, my hair, etc. I guess it's better than vice versa... I'm hoping that if I regain what is lost then I'll be social again, like I used to be. I wasn't alway this...secluded. I don't know when it happened exactly, or why. It's not horrible, it's just..a handicap at times. It's the only thing that's keeping me from being social, and having fun, and not feeling like I'm the odd one out. I may not always feel pretty, but a lot of people tell me I am. And somehow I generate this "stay the fck away from me"-vibe that, sadly, works perfectly. I know nothing more to say...
I was not productive today. That's not good as my orals start the day after tomorrow. (smacks self) I can't do anything right.
I'm noticing that trying to find my place in life is making me want to buy things compulsively. Somehow subconsciously I think that will help me. Is that stupid? I mean, it could make sense, even if just a little. There's so much I want to change about myself, all these things about me that make me feel uncomfortable and insecure with others. Not things on the inside, but on the outside: how I dress, my hair, etc. I guess it's better than vice versa... I'm hoping that if I regain what is lost then I'll be social again, like I used to be. I wasn't alway this...secluded. I don't know when it happened exactly, or why. It's not horrible, it's just..a handicap at times. It's the only thing that's keeping me from being social, and having fun, and not feeling like I'm the odd one out. I may not always feel pretty, but a lot of people tell me I am. And somehow I generate this "stay the fck away from me"-vibe that, sadly, works perfectly. I know nothing more to say...