life today..gahh my ind is circling
soo its about 2 am and i cant sleep..wonderful..right?
well i have a lot on my mind..
..moving..family..school..future..friends..
sometimes i just dont know what posseses some people to do what they do..iam not a ealous person..therefor nothing anyone wants to do will trigger something inside of me..
i cant say that i am truley happy right now..bc i dont really know where i am anyway
i have no idea what the future holds for me and i am not too interested in seeing right now..i feel stuck..and i just want to pause time so i can have a moment to breathe and actually come to some conclusions
i get scared when my dog gets sick..which he has been lately..i just dont know what to do if he leaves me..i am not ready or not nearly as strong enough to go on without him..and i dont believe he is ready to leave me either
sometimes i wish i believed in god..that way i would have faith in all that i am doing and the events that have consumed my life..seeing as dont and i would rather believe in myself to make good in my life..which puts more pressure on me..bc if i mess up..it was me.yet then again. if i do well..i can take pride in knowing that i am the one responsible
i hurt over past things that have taken control of my family and their feelings.. my heart breaks thinking about what they are..or were going through..right now it just makes me feel like who am i to ever judge anyone..but who is anyone to judge me?
there are many secrets i have kept to those closest to me..i dont know why exctly..maybe iam just scared of people finding out the real me..then being dissapointed with the end result..but thats no good keeping things in
i like moving..i get to start with a clear slate..not saying mine is bad now..but i just love the change that overcomes me..and with every move that i have ever been through i notice how muh i grow into a wholer jessica .. i dont know how many moves it will take me to be 100%..but maybe there is no such thing..possibly just the hope of finding something or someone to complete you..but thats a silly dream.. i am not sure if i would like for someone to complete something that i have worked soo long for in doing myself
and school..gosh ..why havent i finished everything.. i want to leave.. i am scared to leave..but i am even more scare to stay.. i dont want to plateu..i am way too young for that..but what f i dont succeed?..i think the thing that most worries me is that i am scared to dissapoint my family..i know i have in the past.. and that feels awful..words cant even explain the pain in your chest
i wish i could say that i am trying my best.. but my best is only messured to what i have dne in my past.. i am sue that anyone could do anything they wish..we all just need a bit more self confidence and a helping hand to just at least point us in the right direction
..i mean..we are all going somewhere different..just like where we came from..no two are or have been the same..soo its hard to trust those with hands out..bc you have to be weary if they are willing to hold your hand through it..or pull your hand towards themselves..bc they need you..or their lives arent up to par
wow.. i blabbered..thanks to anyone who read this whole thing.. it was a bit lengthy..sorry..i love you for it..and most likely many other reasons too
well i have a lot on my mind..
..moving..family..school..future..friends..
sometimes i just dont know what posseses some people to do what they do..iam not a ealous person..therefor nothing anyone wants to do will trigger something inside of me..
i cant say that i am truley happy right now..bc i dont really know where i am anyway
i have no idea what the future holds for me and i am not too interested in seeing right now..i feel stuck..and i just want to pause time so i can have a moment to breathe and actually come to some conclusions
i get scared when my dog gets sick..which he has been lately..i just dont know what to do if he leaves me..i am not ready or not nearly as strong enough to go on without him..and i dont believe he is ready to leave me either
sometimes i wish i believed in god..that way i would have faith in all that i am doing and the events that have consumed my life..seeing as dont and i would rather believe in myself to make good in my life..which puts more pressure on me..bc if i mess up..it was me.yet then again. if i do well..i can take pride in knowing that i am the one responsible
i hurt over past things that have taken control of my family and their feelings.. my heart breaks thinking about what they are..or were going through..right now it just makes me feel like who am i to ever judge anyone..but who is anyone to judge me?
there are many secrets i have kept to those closest to me..i dont know why exctly..maybe iam just scared of people finding out the real me..then being dissapointed with the end result..but thats no good keeping things in
i like moving..i get to start with a clear slate..not saying mine is bad now..but i just love the change that overcomes me..and with every move that i have ever been through i notice how muh i grow into a wholer jessica .. i dont know how many moves it will take me to be 100%..but maybe there is no such thing..possibly just the hope of finding something or someone to complete you..but thats a silly dream.. i am not sure if i would like for someone to complete something that i have worked soo long for in doing myself
and school..gosh ..why havent i finished everything.. i want to leave.. i am scared to leave..but i am even more scare to stay.. i dont want to plateu..i am way too young for that..but what f i dont succeed?..i think the thing that most worries me is that i am scared to dissapoint my family..i know i have in the past.. and that feels awful..words cant even explain the pain in your chest
i wish i could say that i am trying my best.. but my best is only messured to what i have dne in my past.. i am sue that anyone could do anything they wish..we all just need a bit more self confidence and a helping hand to just at least point us in the right direction
..i mean..we are all going somewhere different..just like where we came from..no two are or have been the same..soo its hard to trust those with hands out..bc you have to be weary if they are willing to hold your hand through it..or pull your hand towards themselves..bc they need you..or their lives arent up to par
wow.. i blabbered..thanks to anyone who read this whole thing.. it was a bit lengthy..sorry..i love you for it..and most likely many other reasons too