RPF story: Ladykiller (Callum/Hugh, NC17)
The completed and polished version of the so-called "serial killer RPF" that I've been posting serially (heh) at ckr_actorfic is now up on my website: up on AO3 [url updated 7/2014]
Ladykiller
RPF, Callum/Hugh, NC17 like whoa (both m/m and m/f), 7400 words
Summary: Callum's not really a serial killer - he just plays one in the movies. Or so Hugh has always thought, until now.
Disclaimer: Fiction, not truth. I know neither Callum Keith Rennie nor Hugh Dillon personally, and I am 99% certain neither of them is really a serial killer.
Notes: This is a mindfucky psychological thriller with a lot of sex. Spoilers for Hard Core Logo. Do I really need to warn for violence, given the title and summary? Big thanks to malnpudl for beta and Headstones music, to fabularasa for being my first and best reader, and to refche for the awesome cover art and the matching icon.
I think I've mentioned before that my favorite story is pretty much always the one I've just finished, and this is no exception. Not only has it been a real rush to write, it has taught me a lot about writing, and I'm quite proud of it. I realize that the content may put some people off reading it, and in fact I was reluctant to write parts of it until I forced myself to confront it as fiction, at which point it became not only enjoyable but actually liberating to write.
This story had its genesis in a discussion in c_regalis's lj. She'd posted some reviews of CKR's upcoming movie, Unnatural and Accidental, in which he plays a serial killer, and several people had commented that it was a pity all his roles seem to be that of the evil bad guy. I joked, "I'm not a serial killer, but I play one in the movies!" and made a crack about writing RPF in which Callum was a serial killer; a number of people took up the banner, including buzzylittleb who wrote a serial killer commentficlet, and I ended up writing a serial killer commentficlet as well (PG13, no explicit sex or violence).
As my ficlet was buried deep in the collapsed comment threads, I reposted it over at ckr_actorfic; although I hadn't planned on continuing it, I got many positive and encouraging comments to do so - and much to my surprise, a killer (heh) plotbunny grabbed me by the throat and would not let go. So I began feverishly writing, banging out scenes and tossing them up on the community. (Incidentally, this is why the story is in present tense, even though I really dislike present tense for stories that cover a period of time longer than a single scene - the first ficlet was in present, so I was locked in. I think, though, that it makes for a story that is much, much closer to Hugh's head than it would be if it were in past tense, and thus intensifies the mindfuckery.)
Note: if you have not yet read the story but plan to do so, read it NOW before continuing to read these notes, as they contain MAJOR spoilers.
Writing this was interesting for me because I was playing with the unreliable narrator concept - not just, "fool the reader into accepting what the POV character believes" but more like, "fool the reader into mental whiplash" by using a close POV that shows the reader where Hugh's making these leaps of judgment. It was fascinating to see the responses as I posted bits of the story, the, "omg I don't know what to think!" "I kind of want Callum to be a killer, which freaks me out!" and so on. It was a lot of fun to tread the line, to push the evidence first one way and then the other, to lead the reader into becoming more convinced that Callum is not a killer as Hugh becomes more convinced that he is, so that the moment when Hugh pulls the trigger is horrific and heart-pounding.
When I first came up with the idea for this longer story, I discarded the ending almost immediately, because the idea kind of squicked me. I mean, wow, talk about serious irrevocable consequences. And I thought it would be excessively violent and paint too dark a picture of the characters. So I decided to write a far tamer ending: Hugh would go out, and grab the gun, intending to shoot the girl, and Callum, totally innocent and properly horrified, would wrest it away from him. Nobody would be shot, no harm, no foul; Callum would be a little freaked that Hugh would shoot someone, and a little more freaked that Hugh thought he would shoot someone, but ultimately a whole lot turned on by the idea, and they would have sex, the end.
But shortly after I wrote the bit with Hugh imagining killing the groupie girl and I was planning out the next bit, Hugh-in-my-head said, "Your ending sucks. Write the fucking shooting, you big pussy, because otherwise you are wussing out and cheating the readers."
I said, "Do you rewrite the endings of EVERYTHING you're in?"
He said, "Only when they suck."
I said, "You like guns way too much, don't you."
He said, "That's the fucking point. Guns make a statement. You can dick around with fake drama all you want, but killing someone is serious shit. WE ARE FUCKING SERIAL KILLERS. Otherwise we're just boring old guys who fantasize a lot. Sort of like fanfiction writers."
And I thought, wow, this is fiction, isn't it. I can do anything. It was sort of a liberating thought, that there is no envelope to be pushed, that it is all possible, and just because my personal moral sense gets weirded out by the idea doesn't mean that I can't do it, because I'm not doing it, I'm writing about it, and I can write anything. I think at that point the writing became a bit...hmm, looser, maybe. Beginning with the SGA scene, and going on from there, I started taking risks and deliberately veering away from things I felt I "ought" to do. It's a little hard to explain. I think that having the tight POV helped, because I was tossing myself into the head of this character who is really spiralling down, and every time I thought I was getting close to cliche I would sort of spin around and choose another direction. Like whoa, where did the idea of Hugh getting off on having Callum hold the gun to him come from? (And of course that's a little bit of misdirection for the reader, who knows that Hugh/Joe killed himself at the end of HCL, and might think that he's going to attempt the same here...)
Ultimately, this realization was incredibly liberating. Because the point isn't to write things as I would have them safely happen in the real world - the point is to shock the reader with the emotional impact, bring home the consequences of the actions of these men, and force the reader into a sort of complicity. Yet it's perfectly safe, because it's fiction.
I have written relatively dark stories before (probably the darkest is the HP story Dark Creatures, which contains power games and noncon Snape/Lupin) but in them I have always cast the reader's sympathies with the victim. In this story I want the reader to care about Hugh and Callum and their relationship, to be horrified but simultaneously want them to get away with their actions. In terms of craft, I deliberately dehumanized their victim to some extent - she gets a name, but it's not used except briefly at the beginning, and Hugh's view of her is dismissive and denigrating. The sex between the men is exciting and powerful - the sex with the woman is more filled with images of violence than of arousal. All of this is intended to put the reader on Hugh's side, even as Hugh is galloping off the cliff. And so the reader falls off the cliff, too. I hope you enjoyed the ride.
Ladykiller
RPF, Callum/Hugh, NC17 like whoa (both m/m and m/f), 7400 words
Summary: Callum's not really a serial killer - he just plays one in the movies. Or so Hugh has always thought, until now.
Disclaimer: Fiction, not truth. I know neither Callum Keith Rennie nor Hugh Dillon personally, and I am 99% certain neither of them is really a serial killer.
Notes: This is a mindfucky psychological thriller with a lot of sex. Spoilers for Hard Core Logo. Do I really need to warn for violence, given the title and summary? Big thanks to malnpudl for beta and Headstones music, to fabularasa for being my first and best reader, and to refche for the awesome cover art and the matching icon.
I think I've mentioned before that my favorite story is pretty much always the one I've just finished, and this is no exception. Not only has it been a real rush to write, it has taught me a lot about writing, and I'm quite proud of it. I realize that the content may put some people off reading it, and in fact I was reluctant to write parts of it until I forced myself to confront it as fiction, at which point it became not only enjoyable but actually liberating to write.
This story had its genesis in a discussion in c_regalis's lj. She'd posted some reviews of CKR's upcoming movie, Unnatural and Accidental, in which he plays a serial killer, and several people had commented that it was a pity all his roles seem to be that of the evil bad guy. I joked, "I'm not a serial killer, but I play one in the movies!" and made a crack about writing RPF in which Callum was a serial killer; a number of people took up the banner, including buzzylittleb who wrote a serial killer commentficlet, and I ended up writing a serial killer commentficlet as well (PG13, no explicit sex or violence).
As my ficlet was buried deep in the collapsed comment threads, I reposted it over at ckr_actorfic; although I hadn't planned on continuing it, I got many positive and encouraging comments to do so - and much to my surprise, a killer (heh) plotbunny grabbed me by the throat and would not let go. So I began feverishly writing, banging out scenes and tossing them up on the community. (Incidentally, this is why the story is in present tense, even though I really dislike present tense for stories that cover a period of time longer than a single scene - the first ficlet was in present, so I was locked in. I think, though, that it makes for a story that is much, much closer to Hugh's head than it would be if it were in past tense, and thus intensifies the mindfuckery.)
Note: if you have not yet read the story but plan to do so, read it NOW before continuing to read these notes, as they contain MAJOR spoilers.
Writing this was interesting for me because I was playing with the unreliable narrator concept - not just, "fool the reader into accepting what the POV character believes" but more like, "fool the reader into mental whiplash" by using a close POV that shows the reader where Hugh's making these leaps of judgment. It was fascinating to see the responses as I posted bits of the story, the, "omg I don't know what to think!" "I kind of want Callum to be a killer, which freaks me out!" and so on. It was a lot of fun to tread the line, to push the evidence first one way and then the other, to lead the reader into becoming more convinced that Callum is not a killer as Hugh becomes more convinced that he is, so that the moment when Hugh pulls the trigger is horrific and heart-pounding.
When I first came up with the idea for this longer story, I discarded the ending almost immediately, because the idea kind of squicked me. I mean, wow, talk about serious irrevocable consequences. And I thought it would be excessively violent and paint too dark a picture of the characters. So I decided to write a far tamer ending: Hugh would go out, and grab the gun, intending to shoot the girl, and Callum, totally innocent and properly horrified, would wrest it away from him. Nobody would be shot, no harm, no foul; Callum would be a little freaked that Hugh would shoot someone, and a little more freaked that Hugh thought he would shoot someone, but ultimately a whole lot turned on by the idea, and they would have sex, the end.
But shortly after I wrote the bit with Hugh imagining killing the groupie girl and I was planning out the next bit, Hugh-in-my-head said, "Your ending sucks. Write the fucking shooting, you big pussy, because otherwise you are wussing out and cheating the readers."
I said, "Do you rewrite the endings of EVERYTHING you're in?"
He said, "Only when they suck."
I said, "You like guns way too much, don't you."
He said, "That's the fucking point. Guns make a statement. You can dick around with fake drama all you want, but killing someone is serious shit. WE ARE FUCKING SERIAL KILLERS. Otherwise we're just boring old guys who fantasize a lot. Sort of like fanfiction writers."
And I thought, wow, this is fiction, isn't it. I can do anything. It was sort of a liberating thought, that there is no envelope to be pushed, that it is all possible, and just because my personal moral sense gets weirded out by the idea doesn't mean that I can't do it, because I'm not doing it, I'm writing about it, and I can write anything. I think at that point the writing became a bit...hmm, looser, maybe. Beginning with the SGA scene, and going on from there, I started taking risks and deliberately veering away from things I felt I "ought" to do. It's a little hard to explain. I think that having the tight POV helped, because I was tossing myself into the head of this character who is really spiralling down, and every time I thought I was getting close to cliche I would sort of spin around and choose another direction. Like whoa, where did the idea of Hugh getting off on having Callum hold the gun to him come from? (And of course that's a little bit of misdirection for the reader, who knows that Hugh/Joe killed himself at the end of HCL, and might think that he's going to attempt the same here...)
Ultimately, this realization was incredibly liberating. Because the point isn't to write things as I would have them safely happen in the real world - the point is to shock the reader with the emotional impact, bring home the consequences of the actions of these men, and force the reader into a sort of complicity. Yet it's perfectly safe, because it's fiction.
I have written relatively dark stories before (probably the darkest is the HP story Dark Creatures, which contains power games and noncon Snape/Lupin) but in them I have always cast the reader's sympathies with the victim. In this story I want the reader to care about Hugh and Callum and their relationship, to be horrified but simultaneously want them to get away with their actions. In terms of craft, I deliberately dehumanized their victim to some extent - she gets a name, but it's not used except briefly at the beginning, and Hugh's view of her is dismissive and denigrating. The sex between the men is exciting and powerful - the sex with the woman is more filled with images of violence than of arousal. All of this is intended to put the reader on Hugh's side, even as Hugh is galloping off the cliff. And so the reader falls off the cliff, too. I hope you enjoyed the ride.