Wishing the Happiest Birthday Ever to Kileaiya
Jojo, my dear. You are positively one of the most awesome people I have ever had the great pleasure of getting to know. Happy 20th Birthday, hon!
The following will make loads more sense to you if you read
hp_sun_n_shadow but is cracktastically fun regardless. ;-)
Clio: "This is actually a bit of a problem, if you think about it. I mean, we're not even corporeal, really."
James: "So, we just have to come up with a non-corporeal gift. That's all." *shrug*
Clio: *stony glare* "Oh... is that all? I suppose you've a brilliant idea for a non-corporeal gift, do you?"
James: *proud grin* "There's always porn!"
Clio: "..."
James: "What? She'd like it!"
Clio: "That's hardly the point. For her twentieth birthday you want to give her us having sex?!? Doesn't that seem a bit... oh... off to you somehow? You insist on us invading her dreams like that all the time anyhow, so I hardly see as how that's special for her birthday. And regardless, that sounds more like a present for you than for her."
James: "Well I am in her mind. Doesn't that kind of make it my birthday, too?" *nearly patting self on back for brilliance*
Clio: "...No."
James: "Not even a little?" *sad eyes*
Clio: "You have a birthday, James. It's January 14th, two weeks away... well, for us two weeks away. And if you recall, you're getting a lovely birthday present of your own then. Which, I might remind you, is one of the reasons we need to get your fabulous writer a brilliant birthday present!"
Sirius: "Oh, would you two just shag and get it over with? We're supposed to be planning a birthday gift and you two are arguing over your own kinky love games. Horrible muses you are. Shame."
Clio: "She likes us. And anyhow, like you have room to talk about kinky love games."
Sirius: "I like you. James more than you, but still. *winks* And at least I know when and where to play those kinky sex games."
Lily: *scribbling furiously in notepad* "Oh, for God's sake, Sirius, they'd get along a lot faster if you'd leave them alone, you know. Some of us have notes to take on all of this, or else her birthday smutfic will never get done on time. And just quit with the subtle innuendos there...if she'd wanted slash, she would have asked for it."
Remus: "You're writing porn?" *far too interested*
Lily: *mutters to self under breath* "I swear, I'll never know why they always think I'm the good one..."
Clio: *ignores Lily and Remus* "You like him better than me? I thought we weren't that kind of RPG?"
Everyone: *looks at Remus*
Remus: *puts away chocolate bar* "WHY does everyone look at me with those kind of questions?"
Sirius: *looks at Clio* "She didn't ask for anything, this is a surprise, so we can do whatever we want." *looks at Lily* "You don't need notes, Red, just a lesson or two." *cocks an eyebrow* "Oh and Remus, mate, it's because of all the tweed."
Lily: *eyes Sirius speculatively* "Well...the best research is done with a test subject after all." *includes Remus in her glance* "And she is fond of threesomes...maybe you should pull that chocolate back out, Remus." *licks the end of her quill and goes on staring at the two of them*
Remus: *flamboyant gesturing* "WHY does everyone think I'm gay? Tweed is very respectable, I'll have you know! And how cliche would a gay werewolf be anyhow?"
Clio: *misses werewolf comment entirely as she is glaring at Lily* "Sirius already proposed the idea of a threesome to me, you know... IN the actual RPG. It's practically canon."
James: "Wait... WHAT?"
Clio: "Calm down. He was kidding... mostly."
Sirius: "Who was kidding? Surely not me! And Remus, what did you do to Lils? She's practically eating her quill over there. HEY, Lils, I have something you could suck on like that."
Lily: *pulls quill slowly out of mouth and grins* "Oh, come on, like he had to do anything. He's just glad that I like...quills." *winks at Remus and goes back to jotting down notes* "So, would somebody please do something? This porn isn't going to write itself, you know."
James: *cuffs Sirius* "Oi! What are you doing hitting on Clio? Er... I mean Lily? Er... Clio. Oh sodding hell. I don't know what I want, do I?"
Remus: *pats James* "Don't worry, mate. It'll all work out faster than you think."
Clio: *glares at James* "Just to clarify, I am not jealous. Except that I actually am."
Regulus: *enters stage left* *checks script with confused look* "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't belong here, do I? I'm far too emo for this scene." *exits stage left*
Sirius: *cuffs James back, then moves away quickly* "Look, if we're writing her porn, then shouldn't I be in charge? I mean, I am the sexy rebellious one with ten thousand fangirls and so many conquests I couldn't possibly remember them all."
James: *pats Clio on the back* "It's okay. Most of my fangirls seem to think I'm shagging Sirius or Remus or that my name is actually Gary Stu. Fangirls aren't always all they're cracked up to be, you know. Plus, they tend to kill us in increasingly tragic ways"
Clio: "Oh because canon has such cheery death scenes?"
Remus: "...she said the 'C' word."
Lily: "Ahh, see, now we're getting somewhere. No porn is complete without the C word." *notices odd stares directed at her* "What?"
Clio: *ignores Remus in what is becoming a pattern because they share one writer's head who cannot apparently write them simultaneously* "And Jo's not like that! This is why we need to come up with a very good non-corporeal present for her! If it has to be porn, well... all right. But I really think we should get her something else, too. We have the whole internet at our disposal. I mean, it's mostly the porn, of course, but there's got to be something corporeal we can get her through that, right?"
Remus: *is responsible* "Why did we wait until now to come up with something, anyhow? I am so very destitute that I cannot possibly afford to buy anyone anything and yet I always have chocolate with me, somehow."
Sirius: "Yeah, and I'm only good for porn, really. Oh, and the occasional moment of brilliance, but only if I'm lucky."
Random Fangirl: PADFOOOOOOT! I'll let you hump my leg!
Another Random Fangirl: "OMG SIRI!! I LUV U! U R NOT DED OMFG!"
Sirius: "Don't call me SIRI!" *loses temper and becomes moody and unpredictable*
Dumbledore: *enters looking pensieve pensive* "Sirius, better stay right here and not go anywhere. Wouldn't want you to go astray."
Crickets: *are chirping*
Dumbledore: "Okay, not funny." *pulls box out of robe* "Cookie, anyone?"
James: "Professor, you're brilliant!"
Dumbledore: *twinkles*
Remus: "That's kind of the entire point of his character, James. Well, that and the obvious Merlin analogy."
James: *ignores sarcasm* *flails* "COOKIES! She LOVES cookies!"
Clio: "Can you secretly bake, James? Or are you perhaps hoping that house elf of yours will do it for you? Because I hate to tell you this, but virtual cookies are not terribly delicious, which is why I've been able to maintain my improbably tiny figure so well."
James: *is brilliant* "No, no, no. We can use our non-corporeal brilliance to order her cookies through the internet thingy thereby making them corporeal and tasty!"
Remus: *ignores fangirls wearing t-shirts that say 'Howl for Me' yelling 'Remy' at the tops of their lungs* *clings not inconspicuously to Lily* "...that's actually not a bad idea."
Lily: *pats Remus on the back absently while looking around in disbelief* Cookies? But...what about that porn? How am I supposed to write it if you all sit here doing nothing except getting excited about cookies? And it's not even the right type of excited, you know... *pouts and throws quill to the floor*
Clio: *huffs* "Some muse you are. Can't even write porn on your own? You are imagination. Use yourself - stop snickering, Sirius. She loves Shacklebolt. Just write her anything about Shacklebolt and she'll be thrilled."
Sirius: "Shacklebolt, eh? I'd better get Maura, you can't have porn without Maura. Never fear! The porn will go on! *apparates away and back again, but this time with a hot chick whose attempting to drag him off by his Gryffindor tie and licking her way down his throat.* "Oh...um...can we be moving along here people? We have porn to make research."
Remus: *mutters* "Wrong Shacklebolt."
James: *elbows Remus* "Shut up! This is better. Would you prefer the male second year instead?"
Remus: "Not in this RPG..."
Lily: *stares at Maura, who slowly turns and grins back* "I...erm, right. Research." *wanders over and grabs Maura's hand* "Research." *looks back over at Remus and smiles as well* "You interested, study partner?"
Remus: *is not stupid* *scrambles to catch up*
James: *eyes widen at Lily and Maura* *glances hopefully at Clio with adorably and deceptively innocent gaze*
Clio: *shrugs and pretends not to melt* "Why not?" *takes James' hand in totally non-coupley way and drags him off in the direction of Lily, Remus and Maura, who is tugging a grinning Sirius by the arm toward exit stage left*
Sirius: *Re-enters from offstage* "Cookies and porn...what more could a girl ask for? Well, you know, except for me, of course." *Is yanked offstage by several pairs of hands*
The End
****From the writers, whose muses are currently... erm, offstage. Happy birthday, Jojo! Porn and cookies, eh? Watch your flist for the first and your mailbox for the second in early July. We love you, hon! Have a great birthday! Love, Andi, Janis, Katie (and their muses).
The following will make loads more sense to you if you read
hp_sun_n_shadow but is cracktastically fun regardless. ;-)
Clio: "This is actually a bit of a problem, if you think about it. I mean, we're not even corporeal, really."
James: "So, we just have to come up with a non-corporeal gift. That's all." *shrug*
Clio: *stony glare* "Oh... is that all? I suppose you've a brilliant idea for a non-corporeal gift, do you?"
James: *proud grin* "There's always porn!"
Clio: "..."
James: "What? She'd like it!"
Clio: "That's hardly the point. For her twentieth birthday you want to give her us having sex?!? Doesn't that seem a bit... oh... off to you somehow? You insist on us invading her dreams like that all the time anyhow, so I hardly see as how that's special for her birthday. And regardless, that sounds more like a present for you than for her."
James: "Well I am in her mind. Doesn't that kind of make it my birthday, too?" *nearly patting self on back for brilliance*
Clio: "...No."
James: "Not even a little?" *sad eyes*
Clio: "You have a birthday, James. It's January 14th, two weeks away... well, for us two weeks away. And if you recall, you're getting a lovely birthday present of your own then. Which, I might remind you, is one of the reasons we need to get your fabulous writer a brilliant birthday present!"
Sirius: "Oh, would you two just shag and get it over with? We're supposed to be planning a birthday gift and you two are arguing over your own kinky love games. Horrible muses you are. Shame."
Clio: "She likes us. And anyhow, like you have room to talk about kinky love games."
Sirius: "I like you. James more than you, but still. *winks* And at least I know when and where to play those kinky sex games."
Lily: *scribbling furiously in notepad* "Oh, for God's sake, Sirius, they'd get along a lot faster if you'd leave them alone, you know. Some of us have notes to take on all of this, or else her birthday smutfic will never get done on time. And just quit with the subtle innuendos there...if she'd wanted slash, she would have asked for it."
Remus: "You're writing porn?" *far too interested*
Lily: *mutters to self under breath* "I swear, I'll never know why they always think I'm the good one..."
Clio: *ignores Lily and Remus* "You like him better than me? I thought we weren't that kind of RPG?"
Everyone: *looks at Remus*
Remus: *puts away chocolate bar* "WHY does everyone look at me with those kind of questions?"
Sirius: *looks at Clio* "She didn't ask for anything, this is a surprise, so we can do whatever we want." *looks at Lily* "You don't need notes, Red, just a lesson or two." *cocks an eyebrow* "Oh and Remus, mate, it's because of all the tweed."
Lily: *eyes Sirius speculatively* "Well...the best research is done with a test subject after all." *includes Remus in her glance* "And she is fond of threesomes...maybe you should pull that chocolate back out, Remus." *licks the end of her quill and goes on staring at the two of them*
Remus: *flamboyant gesturing* "WHY does everyone think I'm gay? Tweed is very respectable, I'll have you know! And how cliche would a gay werewolf be anyhow?"
Clio: *misses werewolf comment entirely as she is glaring at Lily* "Sirius already proposed the idea of a threesome to me, you know... IN the actual RPG. It's practically canon."
James: "Wait... WHAT?"
Clio: "Calm down. He was kidding... mostly."
Sirius: "Who was kidding? Surely not me! And Remus, what did you do to Lils? She's practically eating her quill over there. HEY, Lils, I have something you could suck on like that."
Lily: *pulls quill slowly out of mouth and grins* "Oh, come on, like he had to do anything. He's just glad that I like...quills." *winks at Remus and goes back to jotting down notes* "So, would somebody please do something? This porn isn't going to write itself, you know."
James: *cuffs Sirius* "Oi! What are you doing hitting on Clio? Er... I mean Lily? Er... Clio. Oh sodding hell. I don't know what I want, do I?"
Remus: *pats James* "Don't worry, mate. It'll all work out faster than you think."
Clio: *glares at James* "Just to clarify, I am not jealous. Except that I actually am."
Regulus: *enters stage left* *checks script with confused look* "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't belong here, do I? I'm far too emo for this scene." *exits stage left*
Sirius: *cuffs James back, then moves away quickly* "Look, if we're writing her porn, then shouldn't I be in charge? I mean, I am the sexy rebellious one with ten thousand fangirls and so many conquests I couldn't possibly remember them all."
James: *pats Clio on the back* "It's okay. Most of my fangirls seem to think I'm shagging Sirius or Remus or that my name is actually Gary Stu. Fangirls aren't always all they're cracked up to be, you know. Plus, they tend to kill us in increasingly tragic ways"
Clio: "Oh because canon has such cheery death scenes?"
Remus: "...she said the 'C' word."
Lily: "Ahh, see, now we're getting somewhere. No porn is complete without the C word." *notices odd stares directed at her* "What?"
Clio: *ignores Remus in what is becoming a pattern because they share one writer's head who cannot apparently write them simultaneously* "And Jo's not like that! This is why we need to come up with a very good non-corporeal present for her! If it has to be porn, well... all right. But I really think we should get her something else, too. We have the whole internet at our disposal. I mean, it's mostly the porn, of course, but there's got to be something corporeal we can get her through that, right?"
Remus: *is responsible* "Why did we wait until now to come up with something, anyhow? I am so very destitute that I cannot possibly afford to buy anyone anything and yet I always have chocolate with me, somehow."
Sirius: "Yeah, and I'm only good for porn, really. Oh, and the occasional moment of brilliance, but only if I'm lucky."
Random Fangirl: PADFOOOOOOT! I'll let you hump my leg!
Another Random Fangirl: "OMG SIRI!! I LUV U! U R NOT DED OMFG!"
Sirius: "Don't call me SIRI!" *loses temper and becomes moody and unpredictable*
Dumbledore: *enters looking pensieve pensive* "Sirius, better stay right here and not go anywhere. Wouldn't want you to go astray."
Crickets: *are chirping*
Dumbledore: "Okay, not funny." *pulls box out of robe* "Cookie, anyone?"
James: "Professor, you're brilliant!"
Dumbledore: *twinkles*
Remus: "That's kind of the entire point of his character, James. Well, that and the obvious Merlin analogy."
James: *ignores sarcasm* *flails* "COOKIES! She LOVES cookies!"
Clio: "Can you secretly bake, James? Or are you perhaps hoping that house elf of yours will do it for you? Because I hate to tell you this, but virtual cookies are not terribly delicious, which is why I've been able to maintain my improbably tiny figure so well."
James: *is brilliant* "No, no, no. We can use our non-corporeal brilliance to order her cookies through the internet thingy thereby making them corporeal and tasty!"
Remus: *ignores fangirls wearing t-shirts that say 'Howl for Me' yelling 'Remy' at the tops of their lungs* *clings not inconspicuously to Lily* "...that's actually not a bad idea."
Lily: *pats Remus on the back absently while looking around in disbelief* Cookies? But...what about that porn? How am I supposed to write it if you all sit here doing nothing except getting excited about cookies? And it's not even the right type of excited, you know... *pouts and throws quill to the floor*
Clio: *huffs* "Some muse you are. Can't even write porn on your own? You are imagination. Use yourself - stop snickering, Sirius. She loves Shacklebolt. Just write her anything about Shacklebolt and she'll be thrilled."
Sirius: "Shacklebolt, eh? I'd better get Maura, you can't have porn without Maura. Never fear! The porn will go on! *apparates away and back again, but this time with a hot chick whose attempting to drag him off by his Gryffindor tie and licking her way down his throat.* "Oh...um...can we be moving along here people? We have porn to make research."
Remus: *mutters* "Wrong Shacklebolt."
James: *elbows Remus* "Shut up! This is better. Would you prefer the male second year instead?"
Remus: "Not in this RPG..."
Lily: *stares at Maura, who slowly turns and grins back* "I...erm, right. Research." *wanders over and grabs Maura's hand* "Research." *looks back over at Remus and smiles as well* "You interested, study partner?"
Remus: *is not stupid* *scrambles to catch up*
James: *eyes widen at Lily and Maura* *glances hopefully at Clio with adorably and deceptively innocent gaze*
Clio: *shrugs and pretends not to melt* "Why not?" *takes James' hand in totally non-coupley way and drags him off in the direction of Lily, Remus and Maura, who is tugging a grinning Sirius by the arm toward exit stage left*
Sirius: *Re-enters from offstage* "Cookies and porn...what more could a girl ask for? Well, you know, except for me, of course." *Is yanked offstage by several pairs of hands*
The End
****From the writers, whose muses are currently... erm, offstage. Happy birthday, Jojo! Porn and cookies, eh? Watch your flist for the first and your mailbox for the second in early July. We love you, hon! Have a great birthday! Love, Andi, Janis, Katie (and their muses).