I feel so alone
ok so in the past fortnight i've stupid.....really stupid actually
all i've been trying to do is get over chris.b
god i miss him and i keep wanting to just start crying again but if i do that then i know that i wont stop crying so i'm staying strong....
i thought i was pregnant with his child and god knows i actually may have been but now the blood has come so it doesnt matter anymore.ok so on 22/9/05 it was carolines birthday,she had a surprise party that i attended,they got a bottle of malibu just for me(malibu is rum and coconut juice and its very strong and sickly sweet on its own but tastes amazing with diet coke)and they made me drink the whole bottle....sufficed to say that they put toby in my path and i ended up doing something that i regret now...i had a one night stand with him and i feel so terrible about it cos it wasnt good,i was off my face drunk and all i want is my chris...i miss him so much.
there are other things that happened at the party that i cannot commit to this journal but now because of my friend's ex is lusting after me i feel asif i betrayed her,but i didn't,he did....
i feel so sick of it,i feel like i'm having a streak of bad luck cos strait after that i got flu and i could barely move for a week...
i'm over that now but i've lost my unborn baby....
guess i gotta just get on with life but when i go and see chris,i'll keep my secrets to myself and just act like a good friend to him,i may ask him to remind me of old times and of what we've lost but that depends on my mood
-sigh- i feel so beyond worthless and so heartbroken
ohhhhyeah and i think i'm becoming an alcoholic but i really dont care cos the booze numbs my pain
xxxxxxx
Zoe
linkin park-numb
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
all i've been trying to do is get over chris.b
god i miss him and i keep wanting to just start crying again but if i do that then i know that i wont stop crying so i'm staying strong....
i thought i was pregnant with his child and god knows i actually may have been but now the blood has come so it doesnt matter anymore.ok so on 22/9/05 it was carolines birthday,she had a surprise party that i attended,they got a bottle of malibu just for me(malibu is rum and coconut juice and its very strong and sickly sweet on its own but tastes amazing with diet coke)and they made me drink the whole bottle....sufficed to say that they put toby in my path and i ended up doing something that i regret now...i had a one night stand with him and i feel so terrible about it cos it wasnt good,i was off my face drunk and all i want is my chris...i miss him so much.
there are other things that happened at the party that i cannot commit to this journal but now because of my friend's ex is lusting after me i feel asif i betrayed her,but i didn't,he did....
i feel so sick of it,i feel like i'm having a streak of bad luck cos strait after that i got flu and i could barely move for a week...
i'm over that now but i've lost my unborn baby....
guess i gotta just get on with life but when i go and see chris,i'll keep my secrets to myself and just act like a good friend to him,i may ask him to remind me of old times and of what we've lost but that depends on my mood
-sigh- i feel so beyond worthless and so heartbroken
ohhhhyeah and i think i'm becoming an alcoholic but i really dont care cos the booze numbs my pain
xxxxxxx
Zoe
linkin park-numb
I’m tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don’t know what you’re expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can’t you see that you’re smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(caught in the undertone just caught in the undertone)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
I’ve become so tired so much more aware
I’ve becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be
I’ve become so numb I can’t feel you there
Is everything what you want me to be