Just an update on what's going on in Wanna Land
Well, Boston is not what I had expected. I thought that I would love it here in the city and have tons of fun. This regrettably is not the case. Nothing is what I thought it was going to be. Not the location, not the people, not my job. My mentality coming to Boston, especially the Kenmore area, was yea.... in the city there are things to do all the time I'm never going to be bored and always have fun. Oh boy was I wrong. So yeah I live in Kenmore square but that means noise like you wouldn't believe. I don't think I've had a good nights sleep since I moved upstairs from my original location in the house. All I hear are sirens, horns and the sound of traffic moving through. The weather.... well, no one can be held accountable for that but I would just like to point out that the weather hear sucks and is never predictable. Winter jacket one day, next day wearing any clothes is keeping in too much heat.
Now on to the people. I think of my self as a really friendly person and as such I try to make connection with most people I meet. Some one should have told me to turn off that part of myself upon moving to this good forsaken place. First off there are only between 3-5 girls at the house that I actually talk to on a regular basis, meaning every 3 days but usually only when I initiate the conversation. Of those 3-5 girls only 2 of them actually do stuff with me, aka getting ice cream or going food shopping. That is the extent of my social interactions in the house and trust me, I've tried to make an honest effort to befriend these people. Those of you who know me understand how I am. Oh and on that note..... the only way I can communicate to the girls of this house is through an e-mail list. NO ONE has offered up their AIM screen names or cell numbers or asked for mine on the off chance that maybe we could get together and do something. And trust me the do go out and do stuff here. Grrrr.....
Ok so now on to my job. (I have to first say "Thank You" to Jillian for sending the info about the job to me. This is the sort of real life experience that I was looking for and needed to actually narrow down what I'm going to be doing after graduation. I've decided grad school research is for me!) I get up 4 days out of the week at around 5:40 AM and get ready for work. My work attire is pretty basic, jeans and a tee-shirt. In the beginning I actually made the effort to wear make-up and wear dressy clothes but those days have long since passed because there was really no reason for either of these things. I'll explain later. Once dressed I head for the bus. At this point it's probably around 6:20 AM. The bus is a short walk away and only takes about 2-3 minutes depending on the traffic lights. Now here is where is starts to get interesting. Depending on if the bus is running early, on-time, or late, I either can hop in within a minute of arriving at the stop or wait only 3-4 minutes or on the really bad days wait 10 minutes. Depending on the weather this can be bearable or frustrating. Once on the bus the depression starts to set in. When I wake up in the morning I'm usually happy and ready to start the day. I'm just that kind of crazy person. But when I get on the bus and see all of the sad and depressed faces of the fellow riders it starts to rub off on me. You never know when one of these people is going to snap. They all look like they are on the brink of some mental break down. My smile almost immediately turns upside down and I start staring out of the nearest window into the blur of nothingness. Now it's on to traffic. This can be a little iffy. Sometimes there's a lot and sometimes there's none. I don't know why it is this way but it just is. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop (This is me on the bus if you didn't already catch on.) Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Ok so now I'm at the Harvard bus station where I get off the first bus and proceed down the cold stairs to wait for another bus. This one I've finally mastered. I usually only wait 1 minute or less. (I'm good aren't I!) This bus isn't that bad cause it goes into a more residential area where there isn't much traffic and there're not many stops as well. To get from Harvard to my job only takes about 8 minutes on average which would put me at work between 6:50 and 7:00 depending on the traffic issue and the amount of Stop and Go's there are. Work at 7AM isn't too bad. There are very few people and I have all the space I need to do my work. I prefer working alone so this part fits me well. Get in, check the e-mail, and look at the schedule for the day and maybe grab a banana. Pretty routine for the most part. My work isn't what I'm used to or expected but it definitely gives a different perspective on analytical chemistry! I've been able to use some new computer programs which I have not used before, work with a man who is very cynical and cold at times but can be very funny and interesting to be around and work with another man who can't see very well and refuses to wear his classes even though he makes mistakes in reading sample numbers that subsequently messes up data and is all in all not very helpful or nice. (Great co-workers right!) The rest of the company I really don't interact with unless I make the effort to meet them or they need me to do something for them. They are all older then me by more than 9 years or more (leaning closer to the more side on that one) so we don't really have much in common. There are 4 other interns that work in the company as well but I really don't talk to them simply because they don't talk to me. One of them sits only a partition away and he doesn't even say Hi. There is another intern that just started grad school. He's nice but is a bit older than I. We don't hang out either. Not quite sure why. I'll look into that. I try and skip over to the chemistry side of what we do in the company as much as possible but I don't know if I'm allowed and really don't want to get in trouble or yelled at. I don't do well in those situations. I wish I could be permanently transferred there but I know that won't happen in the 5 weeks I have left. So back to the job I actually do. It's not very intellectually stimulating at all, it has nothing to do with my major and I'm currently working myself out of a job. Who know that such a thing could exist. It's probably because I'm very organized, very efficient with my time and am a hard worker. I don't dilly dally when there is work to be done there for it gets done quickly and thus no work for the next day. Sucks to be me I guess. I was even told that I work too hard. Can you believe that! My last 2 jobs have been doing personal research where, however much work you put in, directly effects personal gain of information, thus the point of working hard is to help yourself. This is not the case in this job. The harder I work, the less I can work, the less I get paid. I work by the hour and not on a fixed weekly amount, which is something I've never had to deal with. It kind of permits laziness in a way. This is something that I don't poses when it comes to my job. After 10-11 hours (if I'm lucky enough to have enough work to do so) of what I've now started calling 'monkey work' on account of a monkey could do what I do, I catch a bus home. On days when it's not raining I would jog around the reservoir in front of my job. This would be the highlight of my day. Not only does it help my waist line but it also gets rid of the tension and depression I seem to be experiencing. After the 40+ minute commute home (it always takes longer to get home for some reason), I walk through the front door and walk straight up so my room. Here I check my e-mail (hoping that I have at least one to read) and put my jacket and bag away. Then it's time to make dinner for 1. I hate eating alone but I've been doing it so often lately that it's gotten to be the norm. Then it's time for a shower after chatting on AIM to anyone who's on. I try to take the longest showers possible because there is nothing else better to do. I don't think I've shaved my legs at least every other day, for absolutely no reason at all, ever in my life. (I have to admit though that my legs are ultra smooth now.) After showering I crawl into bed (it's about 9ish now) with my laptop and watch a movie to the point where I'm tired enough to block out the sounds of the cars and can sleep. I do this routine 4 days a week and then clean my room, do laundry and go grocery shopping in between sleeping my life away and exercising to fill in the gaps on the other 3 days. Then the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on for about 6 weeks and will continue for another 5 more. (God help me.) Before I go home then to school and hopefully gain back my happiness and my sanity.
Question: Am I just an unapproachable person who can't seem to make real close friendships that last? Do I always keep people at an arms length distance away? Please be brutally honest when answering this.
Question: What should I do about my job situation? I really don't want to leave REALLY early but I would like time to do chemistry work once I've completed the tasks given to me in my current position. What should I tell my boss, she's really nice but I don't know how she'll react to this.
Now on to the people. I think of my self as a really friendly person and as such I try to make connection with most people I meet. Some one should have told me to turn off that part of myself upon moving to this good forsaken place. First off there are only between 3-5 girls at the house that I actually talk to on a regular basis, meaning every 3 days but usually only when I initiate the conversation. Of those 3-5 girls only 2 of them actually do stuff with me, aka getting ice cream or going food shopping. That is the extent of my social interactions in the house and trust me, I've tried to make an honest effort to befriend these people. Those of you who know me understand how I am. Oh and on that note..... the only way I can communicate to the girls of this house is through an e-mail list. NO ONE has offered up their AIM screen names or cell numbers or asked for mine on the off chance that maybe we could get together and do something. And trust me the do go out and do stuff here. Grrrr.....
Ok so now on to my job. (I have to first say "Thank You" to Jillian for sending the info about the job to me. This is the sort of real life experience that I was looking for and needed to actually narrow down what I'm going to be doing after graduation. I've decided grad school research is for me!) I get up 4 days out of the week at around 5:40 AM and get ready for work. My work attire is pretty basic, jeans and a tee-shirt. In the beginning I actually made the effort to wear make-up and wear dressy clothes but those days have long since passed because there was really no reason for either of these things. I'll explain later. Once dressed I head for the bus. At this point it's probably around 6:20 AM. The bus is a short walk away and only takes about 2-3 minutes depending on the traffic lights. Now here is where is starts to get interesting. Depending on if the bus is running early, on-time, or late, I either can hop in within a minute of arriving at the stop or wait only 3-4 minutes or on the really bad days wait 10 minutes. Depending on the weather this can be bearable or frustrating. Once on the bus the depression starts to set in. When I wake up in the morning I'm usually happy and ready to start the day. I'm just that kind of crazy person. But when I get on the bus and see all of the sad and depressed faces of the fellow riders it starts to rub off on me. You never know when one of these people is going to snap. They all look like they are on the brink of some mental break down. My smile almost immediately turns upside down and I start staring out of the nearest window into the blur of nothingness. Now it's on to traffic. This can be a little iffy. Sometimes there's a lot and sometimes there's none. I don't know why it is this way but it just is. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop (This is me on the bus if you didn't already catch on.) Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Ok so now I'm at the Harvard bus station where I get off the first bus and proceed down the cold stairs to wait for another bus. This one I've finally mastered. I usually only wait 1 minute or less. (I'm good aren't I!) This bus isn't that bad cause it goes into a more residential area where there isn't much traffic and there're not many stops as well. To get from Harvard to my job only takes about 8 minutes on average which would put me at work between 6:50 and 7:00 depending on the traffic issue and the amount of Stop and Go's there are. Work at 7AM isn't too bad. There are very few people and I have all the space I need to do my work. I prefer working alone so this part fits me well. Get in, check the e-mail, and look at the schedule for the day and maybe grab a banana. Pretty routine for the most part. My work isn't what I'm used to or expected but it definitely gives a different perspective on analytical chemistry! I've been able to use some new computer programs which I have not used before, work with a man who is very cynical and cold at times but can be very funny and interesting to be around and work with another man who can't see very well and refuses to wear his classes even though he makes mistakes in reading sample numbers that subsequently messes up data and is all in all not very helpful or nice. (Great co-workers right!) The rest of the company I really don't interact with unless I make the effort to meet them or they need me to do something for them. They are all older then me by more than 9 years or more (leaning closer to the more side on that one) so we don't really have much in common. There are 4 other interns that work in the company as well but I really don't talk to them simply because they don't talk to me. One of them sits only a partition away and he doesn't even say Hi. There is another intern that just started grad school. He's nice but is a bit older than I. We don't hang out either. Not quite sure why. I'll look into that. I try and skip over to the chemistry side of what we do in the company as much as possible but I don't know if I'm allowed and really don't want to get in trouble or yelled at. I don't do well in those situations. I wish I could be permanently transferred there but I know that won't happen in the 5 weeks I have left. So back to the job I actually do. It's not very intellectually stimulating at all, it has nothing to do with my major and I'm currently working myself out of a job. Who know that such a thing could exist. It's probably because I'm very organized, very efficient with my time and am a hard worker. I don't dilly dally when there is work to be done there for it gets done quickly and thus no work for the next day. Sucks to be me I guess. I was even told that I work too hard. Can you believe that! My last 2 jobs have been doing personal research where, however much work you put in, directly effects personal gain of information, thus the point of working hard is to help yourself. This is not the case in this job. The harder I work, the less I can work, the less I get paid. I work by the hour and not on a fixed weekly amount, which is something I've never had to deal with. It kind of permits laziness in a way. This is something that I don't poses when it comes to my job. After 10-11 hours (if I'm lucky enough to have enough work to do so) of what I've now started calling 'monkey work' on account of a monkey could do what I do, I catch a bus home. On days when it's not raining I would jog around the reservoir in front of my job. This would be the highlight of my day. Not only does it help my waist line but it also gets rid of the tension and depression I seem to be experiencing. After the 40+ minute commute home (it always takes longer to get home for some reason), I walk through the front door and walk straight up so my room. Here I check my e-mail (hoping that I have at least one to read) and put my jacket and bag away. Then it's time to make dinner for 1. I hate eating alone but I've been doing it so often lately that it's gotten to be the norm. Then it's time for a shower after chatting on AIM to anyone who's on. I try to take the longest showers possible because there is nothing else better to do. I don't think I've shaved my legs at least every other day, for absolutely no reason at all, ever in my life. (I have to admit though that my legs are ultra smooth now.) After showering I crawl into bed (it's about 9ish now) with my laptop and watch a movie to the point where I'm tired enough to block out the sounds of the cars and can sleep. I do this routine 4 days a week and then clean my room, do laundry and go grocery shopping in between sleeping my life away and exercising to fill in the gaps on the other 3 days. Then the cycle starts all over again. This has been going on for about 6 weeks and will continue for another 5 more. (God help me.) Before I go home then to school and hopefully gain back my happiness and my sanity.
Question: Am I just an unapproachable person who can't seem to make real close friendships that last? Do I always keep people at an arms length distance away? Please be brutally honest when answering this.
Question: What should I do about my job situation? I really don't want to leave REALLY early but I would like time to do chemistry work once I've completed the tasks given to me in my current position. What should I tell my boss, she's really nice but I don't know how she'll react to this.