Late night insomnia
Why do I seem to suck at life. Well for starters I can't sleep at night. And even I do manage to fall asleep I never sleep soundly. I toss and turn and make sleeping something I don't really look forward to doing. And this is why I'm writing tonight. It is currently 1:23 A.M. and I can't fall asleep. My stomach is all in knots and I have a lump in the back of my throat. No I don't have a tumor. I worry myself to death. When I try to fall asleep I start thinking about everything else in the world except sleeping. This is what causes my tummy to hurt and for swallowing to be so dreaded. I think about things I did throughout the day and I analyze them. Why do I do such things when there is no way I can change them. After I'm through with all of that nonesense I move on to things I have to do the day ahead of me. What I'm going to where, what I have to bring to work, what I'm gonna have for breakfast, what I have to do at work, who I have to call/contact. All this stuff that I can have absolutely no effect on till the next day comes, races through my brain and prevents me from falling peacefully off to the sleep that I despirately need and have to have in order to carry out those takes I have set forth for myself for the next day. Is this some kind of self torture that I put myself through on purpose of does this just happen to my by chance.
On a side note, I have just realized that I suck at life and am a horrible girlfriend. I chose a college that is way out of my league to attend that makes me feel absolutely stupid everyday I attend. I also am sooooo out of shape it's not even funny. Don't even get me started on that subject. I haven't seen my sissy in forever and I miss her terribly but I not gone down to the city to see her. My skin has gone to crap too. I am also a horrible girlfriend to my hun. I don't think I'm really the girlfriend type....... I'm not there when he needs me and I'm not all sensitive and girliee like I should be. I know my hunny loves me very much but I may be a little to messed up with a bunch of baggage to be able to completely be there for him and such. This has become a really long side note that I will probably be removing a little later, I just needed to get it down.
"She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night"
-Britney Spear (or most likely a song writer)
Question: How does a constant worrier stop worring?
On a side note, I have just realized that I suck at life and am a horrible girlfriend. I chose a college that is way out of my league to attend that makes me feel absolutely stupid everyday I attend. I also am sooooo out of shape it's not even funny. Don't even get me started on that subject. I haven't seen my sissy in forever and I miss her terribly but I not gone down to the city to see her. My skin has gone to crap too. I am also a horrible girlfriend to my hun. I don't think I'm really the girlfriend type....... I'm not there when he needs me and I'm not all sensitive and girliee like I should be. I know my hunny loves me very much but I may be a little to messed up with a bunch of baggage to be able to completely be there for him and such. This has become a really long side note that I will probably be removing a little later, I just needed to get it down.
"She's so lucky, she's a star
But she cry, cry, cries in her lonely heart, thinking
If there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night"
-Britney Spear (or most likely a song writer)
Question: How does a constant worrier stop worring?