Fic: All the While it Was You - Part Nine (Charlie/Claire)
Title: All the While it Was You - Part Nine
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She felt as though her whole world was coming apart at the seams and she just had to keep moving along. She wasn’t even sure she knew how.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Finally. Oh my God, I'm so sorry this took so long. This is AU based on Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg. Claire is a barista at a coffee shop and Charlie is a musician who plays there. This is a Charlie/Claire story, but it's gonna take a bit to get there, so bear with me. There are also some other pairings sprinkled through here as well.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight
Every moment from when Claire woke up in the morning to when she first stepped in the front door of the coffee shop, her thoughts had been exactly the same: I’m pregnant. She felt gloomy and miserable and sick, and she was sure she looked it because every now and again she would catch a pitying look from someone on the bus, or someone on the street walking past her. It wasn't helping her mood any.
The hour before she left had been horribly awkward. She had walked from her room, dressed, to find Jack and Kate still home and having breakfast. She had been counting on them to already be gone; Jack, especially. There was something going on with him, she was sure of it. He usually didn't eat breakfast, so his hanging around for an hour to eat with her and Kate set off warning bells in her head. He couldn't know. She'd only just found out. But there was something he wasn't telling her, and it made her nervous.
So she had avoided Jack’s gaze all morning while they were eating. He had kept glancing up at her, asking her if there was anything wrong, and she had kept lying. He had looked to Kate several times, and she had only shrugged and said nothing.
Kate wouldn’t tell Jack. Kate had a few faults, and she could be invasive and opinionated sometimes, but she knew how to keep a secret. She knew it wasn’t her place to tell Jack something like this. Claire had to count upon that, and she wouldn't have told Kate if she didn't think she could.
She didn't know how long she could keep this secret. It's not that she didn't want to tell him - or anyone. She just wanted to tell him when she knew what she was going to do.
Because really, what could she do? She lived in a relatively small apartment with her half-brother and his girlfriend. She worked in a coffee shop full time. She wasn’t going to school. She could barely afford her half of the rent. So what could she possibly have to offer this child? What could she possibly do for it when it was real and when she was holding it in her arms?
She supposed Christian might want to help her, but she couldn’t think of anything she wanted less. She had only accepted Jack’s apartment as a place to live because there was literally nowhere else. She didn’t like hand-outs. She had tried to be self-sufficient all of her life and always managed to come up short. In all honesty, what was going to become of this child?
"Hey Claire."
Claire looked up, startled, and slammed right into the corner. Her elbow throbbed and she grunted in pain. Juliet dashed over. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she apologized, putting her hand on Claire’s arm and she grunted in pain and breathed heavily. Claire closed her eyes tightly and ordered herself not to cry. It would just look like it was from the pain, but truth be told, if she started to cry, she feared she would never stop.
"It’s fine," Claire assured, maneuvering carefully around the counter and back into the break room to clock in. Juliet followed her closely.
"Are you okay?" she asked, kindly. Claire nodded. She wasn’t, not at all, but it wasn't because of her arm, and she didn’t want to burden Juliet with a mountain of things she would have to drop on her to explain every way in which she was not even a little bit okay.
"I’ll be fine," Claire answered, pulling her apron out of her locker. "It’s just a bump."
"Okay," Juliet replied, nodding. Claire knew her well enough now to know that she didn’t believe that was all that was wrong, but that she wasn’t going to ask. Claire appreciated that, because she didn’t want to talk about it. "Well then I’ll see you out there."
Claire nodded and Juliet disappeared through the doors.
With a sigh, Claire let her body drop onto a folding chair by the door. She buried her face in the palm of her hands. She felt as though her whole world was coming apart at the seams and she just had to keep moving along. She wasn’t even sure she knew how.
*
When Charlie woke up, Libby was gone and Hurley was snoring away in front of the TV. It was still on, but Charlie imagined he didn’t get much sleep last night. He always had a hard time sleeping when Libby wasn't there. In part, Charlie resented the fact that they thought he had to be there - he felt like a child - but at the same time, he knew they were right. What reason did they have to trust him?
He sighed and walked to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He thought about his brother. A not so small part of him blamed Liam for all of this. Liam was the one that had introduced him to drugs in the first place. Liam was the one that had driven him away from the band, then mocked his efforts at a career as a solo artist from afar. The bowl in his hand clunked loudly on the counter at the thought. He hated how much control his brother's opinion had on him. Enough to make him break a promise to two of his dearest friends and put them through another hellish night he had sworn would never happen again.
Hurley jerked away with a snort and looked around quickly. He spotted Charlie in the kitchen and Charlie waved. "Morning," he said.
"Morning, dude," Hurley replied, groggy. He wiped his face with his hand and stood up. "Make me a bowl, would you?" Charlie nodded and pulled another bowl from the sink, then poured some cereal in it.
"How much longer are you and Libby gonna be doing this?" Charlie asked. He was genuinely curious, not resentful. He really had no right to be. Two years ago, he had put Hurley and Libby through the wringer, and even though this wasn't as bad as that, they had every reason to react how they were reacting.
Hurley shrugged and took the bowl of cereal Charlie held out for him. "I don't know," he answered. "'Til we figure out what else to do, I guess."
"NA?" Charlie asked. It wasn't like he objected to the idea. It was better than rehab. He was dead fucking scared of rehab.
"Dude, duh," Hurley said, narrowing his eyes. Charlie nodded. He looked down at his cereal and found that he wasn't very hungry. He set it down on the counter and looked over at Hurley. He wasn't looking at him. It was like he just couldn't. He began to wonder if Hurley was seeing him laying strung out in that hospital bed in his mind (he wondered if Libby saw him laying passed out on the floor in hers) and beginning to hating him just a little bit all over again.
He took a deep breath. "Hurley, man, I need you to look at me for a minute." Hurley looked up, but not how Charlie wanted. So he took the cereal bowl from him and set it on the counter. "Really, look at me."
"I'm looking, dude," Hurley replied, seriously doing so this time.
"I know you let you and Libby down, and I know you're gonna be angry at me for a long time. But if I'm gonna get through this, I need you to believe in me. Not trust me, I don't expect that." He let out a painful sigh. His chest ached and he had never felt so desperate to be understood in his life. Maybe he cared too much about what Liam thought, but fuck him compared to how much he cared what Hurley and Libby thought of him. He needed them, now more than ever, and he felt like he didn't have them at all. All he could see was their anger and hurt and betrayal. He needed to know they still cared about him - that they still loved him.
"If I'm gonna beat this, I need to know you believe I can."
Hurley's face softened a bit and she shook his head. "Dude," he said. Over the years, Charlie had learned that Hurley had many "dudes". He could usually identify them. There was his amused "dude". His angry "dude". His surprised "dude". This one...he couldn't figure out at all. Hurley was giving him no clues as to what he was going to say next, so all he could really do was wait.
"You can," Hurley said, simply, with a nod. "We know you can."
Charlie nodded back. It was all he really needed to hear, and he thought Hurley understood that, because they both picked their breakfast back up and finished it in silence.
*
Libby waited in the coffee shop line restlessly. She hadn't slept well at all; an hour, maybe two. She never slept well when Hurley wasn't there. Four years with someone, you get used to their weight and shape and presence in the bed next to you. Without him there...it was cold and empty and lonely. And so was she.
Her head was clouded with thoughts of Charlie, of what to do, and the crushing realization of just how helpless she and Hurley were. There was NA, there was rehab (again) if it came to that, but apart from that...the image of him laying there on the floor hit her link a kick to the stomach. It was horrible and it made her want to cry. She forced it away.
She ordered her coffee to go and hastily made her way for the door. So hastily, she almost opened it right into someone.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized, cursing her distraction.
"It's okay," a familiar voice assured. They seemed to look up at the same time. It was Claire's brother, Jack. "You're Libby, right? Charlie's friend?" Obviously he remembered her too.
"Right," she nodded. "You're Claire's brother, Jack?" He nodded back. "I'm sorry about that. I had something on my mind and I just...wasn't looking."
"I know the feeling," he replied, pensively. He studied her for a moment, as if he was considering her, and she stood in place, still holding the door and not going much of anywhere at all. She wasn't exactly sure what was happening right now, but the look Jack was giving her was not the look of a man who had met you once for thirty seconds at a party when they'd both had at least two beers in them. It was too knowing a glance. She wondered what the hell it meant and was a bit unnerved.
"Um, listen, do you have a minute?" She screwed up her face. A minute for what? "Can I talk to you about something?"
"About what?" she asked, more than a little confused. She felt like there was something big hanging between them and she just wasn't seeing it.
Jack took a long paused and then said, "Charlie."
Everything slowed down to a crawl then, as two and two suddenly became four. Claire had mentioned Jack was a doctor. A doctor at the hospital Charlie had been in not two days ago, overdosed on heroin. Her eyes went wide and she almost dropped her coffee right there on the pavement.
She began to consider Jack in much the way he had her. He didn't seem judgmental or upset. Worried, concerned maybe, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Claire really liked Charlie, and if Jack knew about what had happened with him, he might be inclined to protect her. She couldn't blame him there.
She wondered what was going on in Jack's mind, what he might have to say to her or ask her. She wondered how much she was comfortable with telling him. But she said, "Okay" and followed him over to a table out in front of the coffee shop.
TBC...
Rating: PG-13
Summary: She felt as though her whole world was coming apart at the seams and she just had to keep moving along. She wasn’t even sure she knew how.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Finally. Oh my God, I'm so sorry this took so long. This is AU based on Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop by Landon Pigg. Claire is a barista at a coffee shop and Charlie is a musician who plays there. This is a Charlie/Claire story, but it's gonna take a bit to get there, so bear with me. There are also some other pairings sprinkled through here as well.
Previous Parts: Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven | Part Eight
Every moment from when Claire woke up in the morning to when she first stepped in the front door of the coffee shop, her thoughts had been exactly the same: I’m pregnant. She felt gloomy and miserable and sick, and she was sure she looked it because every now and again she would catch a pitying look from someone on the bus, or someone on the street walking past her. It wasn't helping her mood any.
The hour before she left had been horribly awkward. She had walked from her room, dressed, to find Jack and Kate still home and having breakfast. She had been counting on them to already be gone; Jack, especially. There was something going on with him, she was sure of it. He usually didn't eat breakfast, so his hanging around for an hour to eat with her and Kate set off warning bells in her head. He couldn't know. She'd only just found out. But there was something he wasn't telling her, and it made her nervous.
So she had avoided Jack’s gaze all morning while they were eating. He had kept glancing up at her, asking her if there was anything wrong, and she had kept lying. He had looked to Kate several times, and she had only shrugged and said nothing.
Kate wouldn’t tell Jack. Kate had a few faults, and she could be invasive and opinionated sometimes, but she knew how to keep a secret. She knew it wasn’t her place to tell Jack something like this. Claire had to count upon that, and she wouldn't have told Kate if she didn't think she could.
She didn't know how long she could keep this secret. It's not that she didn't want to tell him - or anyone. She just wanted to tell him when she knew what she was going to do.
Because really, what could she do? She lived in a relatively small apartment with her half-brother and his girlfriend. She worked in a coffee shop full time. She wasn’t going to school. She could barely afford her half of the rent. So what could she possibly have to offer this child? What could she possibly do for it when it was real and when she was holding it in her arms?
She supposed Christian might want to help her, but she couldn’t think of anything she wanted less. She had only accepted Jack’s apartment as a place to live because there was literally nowhere else. She didn’t like hand-outs. She had tried to be self-sufficient all of her life and always managed to come up short. In all honesty, what was going to become of this child?
"Hey Claire."
Claire looked up, startled, and slammed right into the corner. Her elbow throbbed and she grunted in pain. Juliet dashed over. "Oh God, I'm sorry," she apologized, putting her hand on Claire’s arm and she grunted in pain and breathed heavily. Claire closed her eyes tightly and ordered herself not to cry. It would just look like it was from the pain, but truth be told, if she started to cry, she feared she would never stop.
"It’s fine," Claire assured, maneuvering carefully around the counter and back into the break room to clock in. Juliet followed her closely.
"Are you okay?" she asked, kindly. Claire nodded. She wasn’t, not at all, but it wasn't because of her arm, and she didn’t want to burden Juliet with a mountain of things she would have to drop on her to explain every way in which she was not even a little bit okay.
"I’ll be fine," Claire answered, pulling her apron out of her locker. "It’s just a bump."
"Okay," Juliet replied, nodding. Claire knew her well enough now to know that she didn’t believe that was all that was wrong, but that she wasn’t going to ask. Claire appreciated that, because she didn’t want to talk about it. "Well then I’ll see you out there."
Claire nodded and Juliet disappeared through the doors.
With a sigh, Claire let her body drop onto a folding chair by the door. She buried her face in the palm of her hands. She felt as though her whole world was coming apart at the seams and she just had to keep moving along. She wasn’t even sure she knew how.
*
When Charlie woke up, Libby was gone and Hurley was snoring away in front of the TV. It was still on, but Charlie imagined he didn’t get much sleep last night. He always had a hard time sleeping when Libby wasn't there. In part, Charlie resented the fact that they thought he had to be there - he felt like a child - but at the same time, he knew they were right. What reason did they have to trust him?
He sighed and walked to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He thought about his brother. A not so small part of him blamed Liam for all of this. Liam was the one that had introduced him to drugs in the first place. Liam was the one that had driven him away from the band, then mocked his efforts at a career as a solo artist from afar. The bowl in his hand clunked loudly on the counter at the thought. He hated how much control his brother's opinion had on him. Enough to make him break a promise to two of his dearest friends and put them through another hellish night he had sworn would never happen again.
Hurley jerked away with a snort and looked around quickly. He spotted Charlie in the kitchen and Charlie waved. "Morning," he said.
"Morning, dude," Hurley replied, groggy. He wiped his face with his hand and stood up. "Make me a bowl, would you?" Charlie nodded and pulled another bowl from the sink, then poured some cereal in it.
"How much longer are you and Libby gonna be doing this?" Charlie asked. He was genuinely curious, not resentful. He really had no right to be. Two years ago, he had put Hurley and Libby through the wringer, and even though this wasn't as bad as that, they had every reason to react how they were reacting.
Hurley shrugged and took the bowl of cereal Charlie held out for him. "I don't know," he answered. "'Til we figure out what else to do, I guess."
"NA?" Charlie asked. It wasn't like he objected to the idea. It was better than rehab. He was dead fucking scared of rehab.
"Dude, duh," Hurley said, narrowing his eyes. Charlie nodded. He looked down at his cereal and found that he wasn't very hungry. He set it down on the counter and looked over at Hurley. He wasn't looking at him. It was like he just couldn't. He began to wonder if Hurley was seeing him laying strung out in that hospital bed in his mind (he wondered if Libby saw him laying passed out on the floor in hers) and beginning to hating him just a little bit all over again.
He took a deep breath. "Hurley, man, I need you to look at me for a minute." Hurley looked up, but not how Charlie wanted. So he took the cereal bowl from him and set it on the counter. "Really, look at me."
"I'm looking, dude," Hurley replied, seriously doing so this time.
"I know you let you and Libby down, and I know you're gonna be angry at me for a long time. But if I'm gonna get through this, I need you to believe in me. Not trust me, I don't expect that." He let out a painful sigh. His chest ached and he had never felt so desperate to be understood in his life. Maybe he cared too much about what Liam thought, but fuck him compared to how much he cared what Hurley and Libby thought of him. He needed them, now more than ever, and he felt like he didn't have them at all. All he could see was their anger and hurt and betrayal. He needed to know they still cared about him - that they still loved him.
"If I'm gonna beat this, I need to know you believe I can."
Hurley's face softened a bit and she shook his head. "Dude," he said. Over the years, Charlie had learned that Hurley had many "dudes". He could usually identify them. There was his amused "dude". His angry "dude". His surprised "dude". This one...he couldn't figure out at all. Hurley was giving him no clues as to what he was going to say next, so all he could really do was wait.
"You can," Hurley said, simply, with a nod. "We know you can."
Charlie nodded back. It was all he really needed to hear, and he thought Hurley understood that, because they both picked their breakfast back up and finished it in silence.
*
Libby waited in the coffee shop line restlessly. She hadn't slept well at all; an hour, maybe two. She never slept well when Hurley wasn't there. Four years with someone, you get used to their weight and shape and presence in the bed next to you. Without him there...it was cold and empty and lonely. And so was she.
Her head was clouded with thoughts of Charlie, of what to do, and the crushing realization of just how helpless she and Hurley were. There was NA, there was rehab (again) if it came to that, but apart from that...the image of him laying there on the floor hit her link a kick to the stomach. It was horrible and it made her want to cry. She forced it away.
She ordered her coffee to go and hastily made her way for the door. So hastily, she almost opened it right into someone.
"I'm so sorry," she apologized, cursing her distraction.
"It's okay," a familiar voice assured. They seemed to look up at the same time. It was Claire's brother, Jack. "You're Libby, right? Charlie's friend?" Obviously he remembered her too.
"Right," she nodded. "You're Claire's brother, Jack?" He nodded back. "I'm sorry about that. I had something on my mind and I just...wasn't looking."
"I know the feeling," he replied, pensively. He studied her for a moment, as if he was considering her, and she stood in place, still holding the door and not going much of anywhere at all. She wasn't exactly sure what was happening right now, but the look Jack was giving her was not the look of a man who had met you once for thirty seconds at a party when they'd both had at least two beers in them. It was too knowing a glance. She wondered what the hell it meant and was a bit unnerved.
"Um, listen, do you have a minute?" She screwed up her face. A minute for what? "Can I talk to you about something?"
"About what?" she asked, more than a little confused. She felt like there was something big hanging between them and she just wasn't seeing it.
Jack took a long paused and then said, "Charlie."
Everything slowed down to a crawl then, as two and two suddenly became four. Claire had mentioned Jack was a doctor. A doctor at the hospital Charlie had been in not two days ago, overdosed on heroin. Her eyes went wide and she almost dropped her coffee right there on the pavement.
She began to consider Jack in much the way he had her. He didn't seem judgmental or upset. Worried, concerned maybe, but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that Claire really liked Charlie, and if Jack knew about what had happened with him, he might be inclined to protect her. She couldn't blame him there.
She wondered what was going on in Jack's mind, what he might have to say to her or ask her. She wondered how much she was comfortable with telling him. But she said, "Okay" and followed him over to a table out in front of the coffee shop.
TBC...