Fic: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Other Stupid Sayings (Ned/Chuck)
Title: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings and Other Stupid Sayings
Rating: PG
Summary: There are a lot of expressions I love: sweet as honey, bee in your bonnet, pleased as punch, happy as a clam…
Disclaimer: I do not own Pushing Daisies. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Big spoilers for 'The Legend of Merle McQuoddy'.
There are a lot of expressions I love: sweet as honey, bee in your bonnet, pleased as punch, happy as a clam…
But ‘I know why the caged bird sings’? What does that even mean? Caged birds don’t sing, they squawk, I know. We had tons of them growing up. We have a bird cemetery in the backyard where all our dearly departed caged birds were laid to rest and none of them once sang from inside their cages.
So why can’t I get it out of my head? Of all of the wondrous expressions that exist in the English language - and every other language I know, for that matter - why is the one that aggravates me most the only one I can seem to think about?
“Your Dad took off, and I’m sure it’s all you can think about. It’s all I can think about sometimes,” Ned had said. And sure, he’s right. I’m not sleeping well and on more than one occasion I’ve wet the shoulder of Olive’s blouse with tears without telling her why, but mostly I think about choices. The one I made, and the one Dad made.
I wonder if he thinks I chose Ned over him. Ned told me it would probably be better to throw the note he left away, to bury the evidence of the pain in the hope that would make it go away. And maybe he’s a little right, but Ned obviously isn’t over his Dad leaving even though he’s supposedly destroyed everything that reminds him of the man who abandoned him as a child. I doubt getting rid of Dad’s letter will do any good for me either.
But I read his words to me, maybe his last words to me over and over again, because I can’t help myself. I stare at them, repeatedly picking open the scab of the wound cut into my heart. Ned buries his past and I torment myself with mine.
I lost my father, got him back, and then lost him all over again. I chose to stay with Ned, and Dad left me behind. Left me behind for the great adventure and…
He…he thinks I’m the caged bird. Oh my God, he thinks I’m living in a cage with Ned, that I’ve resigned myself to living behind the scenes because, what, Ned has me believing there’s no escape? That if people discover the secret, something terrible will happen? What did he call us? Freaks in Ned’s world? Is that what he thinks?
I wonder, then, doesn’t Dad believe in love? Didn’t he love Aunt Lily? And if he didn’t, why? And if he did, how can he not see that in my life I have love and friends and a family of my own making? How could he not believe me when I told him I was safe and happy and loved? How could he leave me when I was making space in my life for him so that he could feel the same?
His leaving said it all, I guess, told me what I needed to know while leaving me with more questions than ever. I missed him every minute while he was gone and I will now that he’s gone again. But I have a family. I have someone who loves me, someone I love, and if Dad can be given a second chance at a life with me and give it away. I supposed that’s the difference between us.
Because I wouldn’t trade a a second chance at a life with Ned for all the adventures a lifetime can offer. Dad chose to go and I chose to stay. I chose Ned. And Ned chose me. And Dad…didn’t.
So, yes Daddy, I made a choice. And I guess I do know why this caged bird sings: because she isn’t in a cage.
Rating: PG
Summary: There are a lot of expressions I love: sweet as honey, bee in your bonnet, pleased as punch, happy as a clam…
Disclaimer: I do not own Pushing Daisies. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Big spoilers for 'The Legend of Merle McQuoddy'.
There are a lot of expressions I love: sweet as honey, bee in your bonnet, pleased as punch, happy as a clam…
But ‘I know why the caged bird sings’? What does that even mean? Caged birds don’t sing, they squawk, I know. We had tons of them growing up. We have a bird cemetery in the backyard where all our dearly departed caged birds were laid to rest and none of them once sang from inside their cages.
So why can’t I get it out of my head? Of all of the wondrous expressions that exist in the English language - and every other language I know, for that matter - why is the one that aggravates me most the only one I can seem to think about?
“Your Dad took off, and I’m sure it’s all you can think about. It’s all I can think about sometimes,” Ned had said. And sure, he’s right. I’m not sleeping well and on more than one occasion I’ve wet the shoulder of Olive’s blouse with tears without telling her why, but mostly I think about choices. The one I made, and the one Dad made.
I wonder if he thinks I chose Ned over him. Ned told me it would probably be better to throw the note he left away, to bury the evidence of the pain in the hope that would make it go away. And maybe he’s a little right, but Ned obviously isn’t over his Dad leaving even though he’s supposedly destroyed everything that reminds him of the man who abandoned him as a child. I doubt getting rid of Dad’s letter will do any good for me either.
But I read his words to me, maybe his last words to me over and over again, because I can’t help myself. I stare at them, repeatedly picking open the scab of the wound cut into my heart. Ned buries his past and I torment myself with mine.
I lost my father, got him back, and then lost him all over again. I chose to stay with Ned, and Dad left me behind. Left me behind for the great adventure and…
He…he thinks I’m the caged bird. Oh my God, he thinks I’m living in a cage with Ned, that I’ve resigned myself to living behind the scenes because, what, Ned has me believing there’s no escape? That if people discover the secret, something terrible will happen? What did he call us? Freaks in Ned’s world? Is that what he thinks?
I wonder, then, doesn’t Dad believe in love? Didn’t he love Aunt Lily? And if he didn’t, why? And if he did, how can he not see that in my life I have love and friends and a family of my own making? How could he not believe me when I told him I was safe and happy and loved? How could he leave me when I was making space in my life for him so that he could feel the same?
His leaving said it all, I guess, told me what I needed to know while leaving me with more questions than ever. I missed him every minute while he was gone and I will now that he’s gone again. But I have a family. I have someone who loves me, someone I love, and if Dad can be given a second chance at a life with me and give it away. I supposed that’s the difference between us.
Because I wouldn’t trade a a second chance at a life with Ned for all the adventures a lifetime can offer. Dad chose to go and I chose to stay. I chose Ned. And Ned chose me. And Dad…didn’t.
So, yes Daddy, I made a choice. And I guess I do know why this caged bird sings: because she isn’t in a cage.