Fic: The Other Side: Contempt Loves the Silence (Kate/Juliet)
Title: The Other Side: Contempt Loves the Silence
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There had been a point when she’d thought she’d hated Kate. They were so different, and they seemed to hit all the wrong nerves with one another.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Used for un_love_you, prompt #29: Author's Choice.
Previous Parts: The Other Side: Almost Lovers
Kate is gone when Juliet wakes up. She expected her to be. It put off the inevitable awkward conversation about what the previous night had meant - if anything. Juliet couldn’t even answer that question. She kept asking herself, but she had no answer. How can you know what sex means when you don’t know what a person means to you?
There had been a point when she’d thought she’d hated Kate. They were so different, and they seemed to hit all the wrong nerves with one another. This wasn’t elementary school. They weren’t antagonistic to each other to bury romantic feelings. Were they? She doesn’t think so.
She sits at her kitchen table with her head in her hands, rubbing at her temples in an attempt to soothe away a headache. She sips her tea and stares into space. She doesn’t need this. There’s already too much on her mind - her sister’s health and the problem of Ben being the least of it.
A knock at the door startles her. Her heart beats faster and she jumps a little bit. Sighing, she picks herself up and goes to open it.
“Juliet.”
“Tom, hi.”
“Harper sent me.”
Shit.
Juliet had forgotten all about her therapy session. She hates them under normal circumstances. All she ever does is sit there, uncomfortably, and give guarded answers. She doesn’t like Harper very much, and Harper doesn’t like her. It’s hard to trust someone with your psyche when they always look at you as if they’d very much like to push you off of a cliff - which, here, is actually a real possibility.
“I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” she says, cordially enough, picking herself up from her chair and following Tom out the door. A thought strikes her as she’s walking that she has been here nearly two years and she doesn’t know what Tom does either. She sees him nearly every day, and he seems like a good enough person. Most people here to.
So how did a man like Ben earn their loyalty? Were they being kept here too, or did they all want to be here? It’s all so confounding. She doesn’t understand why she keeps asking herself questions that she doesn’t have the answers too. It’s only making everything worse.
“See you, Juliet,” Tom says when they’re at Harper’s door. Juliet wonders if Harper would hate her any less if she told her about what happened with Kate. Or would she tell Ben? Ethically, she couldn’t, but Juliet has come to learn that she can’t trust much of anyone here.
Does she trust Kate? No. But she can’t put her in danger either. In the end, it just isn’t a risk she’s willing to take. She’s become quite practiced at keeping all of the things that she tells Harper superficial anyway. She’s never confided anything real, and more than likely never will. She’s entitled to her secrets. She doesn’t have much of anything else here that’s really and truly hers.
*
“You seem distracted,” Harper says. Juliet thinks that is a massive understatement. She’s been trying not to let it show, and obviously hasn’t been doing a very good job.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Juliet replies.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Not in the least.
“It’s nothing important.”
“Tell me about your sister.” Harper says thinks like that every now and again, things that she knows will get to Juliet. So much for ethics. Juliet thinks she’s punishing the wrong person for her husband’s wandering eyes.
“What about her?” Juliet asks, tightly, letting it plainly show how she feels about Harper bringing up Rachel.
“We barely ever talk about her, and I know she’s a big part of your life,” Harper reasons. To someone who didn’t know her better, it might seem like a logical train of thought. “She’s the reason you’re here.”
“I’m here to help,” Juliet insists. It’s a lie. She is here for Rachel, or, she came here for Rachel anyway. She would give anything to be back with her sister. “And I don’t want to talk about Rachel.”
“Alright,” she says. “What do you want to talk about?”
Nothing.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Juliet lies again.
“Alright.” She suspects differently, Juliet can tell. She’s studying her closely, as if she thinks that if she looks long enough, she’ll find the truths that she’s looking for, like it’s all there waiting for her. Juliet’s walls are strong, though. Certainly strong enough to keep Harper out.
“I guess we’re done then.” She retreats, gives up for now, but she’s sure that she will find her eyes on her later, still trying to figure her out.
“Alright,” Juliet answers, standing up. She can’t wait to leave any longer.
“I’ll see you next week.”
Juliet’s hand tightens around the door knob before she pulls it open and leaves.
*
There’s a bang in the living room that sends Juliet running. She has her toothbrush in one hand as she inches her way through the hallway. Who would break in here, or why, she doesn’t know. She supposes it’s just a reflex. She stands in the entry way to her living room, heart hammering in her chest, as she watches Kate climbing in through the window it appeared she had jimmied open.
“There is a door, you know,” Juliet says, watching Kate as she lowered the window and replaced the drapes. She suddenly felt very silly, standing there in her pajamas holding her toothbrush. Then she reconsidered, thinking that Kate had already seen her in much less.
“Why break tradition?” Kate asked. That’s right. She’d come in through the window the night before as well.
“It’s too dangerous for you to be here,” Juliet points out. Kate shrugs, sitting down on the couch.
“I can take care of myself,” she assures.
“You coming here proves you can’t,” Juliet replies, insistently, waving her toothbrush around for emphasis without realizing it. “If Ben is watching, which we both know he could very well be…I don’t know if you know what he’s capable of, or how…obsessed he is with me, but if you really did, I don’t think you’d risk coming here.”
Or…
She levels her gaze with Kate’s as her mind works in over-drive.
“Is that it?” she asks, as it dawns on her. “Is that why you came last night? Why you came back now? Because it’s dangerous?”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Kate replies. It’s true. Kate may not get off on danger. But Juliet has to wonder.
“I know enough,” Juliet answers. But does she? Probably not. But she’s already put up a tough front with Harper, and it’s hard to bring it back down. Especially since she doesn’t know if she can trust Kate.
“Enough to sleep with me, maybe.”
Juliet clenches her jaw. “You didn’t answer my question. Is that why you’re here?” she demands.
Kate stares at her for a long while, then says, “No.” Can Juliet believe that? She supposes she doesn’t have much of a choice. Kate seems sincere, insistent on that point. “Can I ask you a question?”
She sighs. “I suppose it’s only fair.”
“Why do you feel like you need to protect me?” Kate asks, standing. “I know what Ben Linus is capable of.”
“Then why aren’t you afraid?”
“Why are you?”
“Does it matter?!” Juliet asks, loudly. This isn’t a story she wants to tell. Especially not to Kate.
“Yes,” Kate replies, strongly. “Answer my question. I answered yours.”
Juliet closes her eyes. She feels like she’s losing her balance, like the ground is made of sand and she’s slowly sinking in it. She sits in a chair and throws her toothbrush onto the coffee table with more force than necessary. It’s funny, she hadn’t even remembered it was in her hand until she needed something to throw.
“Goodwin…liked me,” Juliet explained. “It started out innocent. We’d…talk over lunch. But Ben watched him, and me, too closely, and he thought…he thought there was something between us.” She closes her eyes. “He said it was an accident, but…Ben did something that almost got him killed. Nothing even happened, and the crazy bastard almost killed someone. Because of me.” She looks Kate in the eyes. “I don’t know if I trust you, or if I even like you. But I don’t want anything to happen to you. I already have to live with one person getting hurt because of me.”
“Do you have a file?” she asks.
“Of course,” Juliet answers, though the questions seems a bit out of the blue given the story that had just poured out of her. “We all do.”
“If you knew what was in mine, you’d know that I can take care of myself,” Kate replies. She sits down again, across from Juliet, and they look at each other for a long time. She sees Kate searching her eyes for something, and she does the same. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for, and neither does Kate.
It’s the oddest feeling, not knowing the person who’s shared your bed, but being forced to occupy the same space as them. In the real world, a one night stand could happen, and she would never see Kate again. But this world, this strange, insular, artificial seeming world, is so much different. In this world, there’s no place to run from the things you don’t feel strong enough. There’s no escaping anything here.
“Who are you?” Juliet finally asks.
“Who are you?” Kate replies.
Does she even know that anymore?
TBC...
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There had been a point when she’d thought she’d hated Kate. They were so different, and they seemed to hit all the wrong nerves with one another.
Disclaimer: I do not own Lost. At all. I wish but alas...
Author's Note: Used for un_love_you, prompt #29: Author's Choice.
Previous Parts: The Other Side: Almost Lovers
Kate is gone when Juliet wakes up. She expected her to be. It put off the inevitable awkward conversation about what the previous night had meant - if anything. Juliet couldn’t even answer that question. She kept asking herself, but she had no answer. How can you know what sex means when you don’t know what a person means to you?
There had been a point when she’d thought she’d hated Kate. They were so different, and they seemed to hit all the wrong nerves with one another. This wasn’t elementary school. They weren’t antagonistic to each other to bury romantic feelings. Were they? She doesn’t think so.
She sits at her kitchen table with her head in her hands, rubbing at her temples in an attempt to soothe away a headache. She sips her tea and stares into space. She doesn’t need this. There’s already too much on her mind - her sister’s health and the problem of Ben being the least of it.
A knock at the door startles her. Her heart beats faster and she jumps a little bit. Sighing, she picks herself up and goes to open it.
“Juliet.”
“Tom, hi.”
“Harper sent me.”
Shit.
Juliet had forgotten all about her therapy session. She hates them under normal circumstances. All she ever does is sit there, uncomfortably, and give guarded answers. She doesn’t like Harper very much, and Harper doesn’t like her. It’s hard to trust someone with your psyche when they always look at you as if they’d very much like to push you off of a cliff - which, here, is actually a real possibility.
“I’m sorry, I completely forgot,” she says, cordially enough, picking herself up from her chair and following Tom out the door. A thought strikes her as she’s walking that she has been here nearly two years and she doesn’t know what Tom does either. She sees him nearly every day, and he seems like a good enough person. Most people here to.
So how did a man like Ben earn their loyalty? Were they being kept here too, or did they all want to be here? It’s all so confounding. She doesn’t understand why she keeps asking herself questions that she doesn’t have the answers too. It’s only making everything worse.
“See you, Juliet,” Tom says when they’re at Harper’s door. Juliet wonders if Harper would hate her any less if she told her about what happened with Kate. Or would she tell Ben? Ethically, she couldn’t, but Juliet has come to learn that she can’t trust much of anyone here.
Does she trust Kate? No. But she can’t put her in danger either. In the end, it just isn’t a risk she’s willing to take. She’s become quite practiced at keeping all of the things that she tells Harper superficial anyway. She’s never confided anything real, and more than likely never will. She’s entitled to her secrets. She doesn’t have much of anything else here that’s really and truly hers.
*
“You seem distracted,” Harper says. Juliet thinks that is a massive understatement. She’s been trying not to let it show, and obviously hasn’t been doing a very good job.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Juliet replies.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Not in the least.
“It’s nothing important.”
“Tell me about your sister.” Harper says thinks like that every now and again, things that she knows will get to Juliet. So much for ethics. Juliet thinks she’s punishing the wrong person for her husband’s wandering eyes.
“What about her?” Juliet asks, tightly, letting it plainly show how she feels about Harper bringing up Rachel.
“We barely ever talk about her, and I know she’s a big part of your life,” Harper reasons. To someone who didn’t know her better, it might seem like a logical train of thought. “She’s the reason you’re here.”
“I’m here to help,” Juliet insists. It’s a lie. She is here for Rachel, or, she came here for Rachel anyway. She would give anything to be back with her sister. “And I don’t want to talk about Rachel.”
“Alright,” she says. “What do you want to talk about?”
Nothing.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Juliet lies again.
“Alright.” She suspects differently, Juliet can tell. She’s studying her closely, as if she thinks that if she looks long enough, she’ll find the truths that she’s looking for, like it’s all there waiting for her. Juliet’s walls are strong, though. Certainly strong enough to keep Harper out.
“I guess we’re done then.” She retreats, gives up for now, but she’s sure that she will find her eyes on her later, still trying to figure her out.
“Alright,” Juliet answers, standing up. She can’t wait to leave any longer.
“I’ll see you next week.”
Juliet’s hand tightens around the door knob before she pulls it open and leaves.
*
There’s a bang in the living room that sends Juliet running. She has her toothbrush in one hand as she inches her way through the hallway. Who would break in here, or why, she doesn’t know. She supposes it’s just a reflex. She stands in the entry way to her living room, heart hammering in her chest, as she watches Kate climbing in through the window it appeared she had jimmied open.
“There is a door, you know,” Juliet says, watching Kate as she lowered the window and replaced the drapes. She suddenly felt very silly, standing there in her pajamas holding her toothbrush. Then she reconsidered, thinking that Kate had already seen her in much less.
“Why break tradition?” Kate asked. That’s right. She’d come in through the window the night before as well.
“It’s too dangerous for you to be here,” Juliet points out. Kate shrugs, sitting down on the couch.
“I can take care of myself,” she assures.
“You coming here proves you can’t,” Juliet replies, insistently, waving her toothbrush around for emphasis without realizing it. “If Ben is watching, which we both know he could very well be…I don’t know if you know what he’s capable of, or how…obsessed he is with me, but if you really did, I don’t think you’d risk coming here.”
Or…
She levels her gaze with Kate’s as her mind works in over-drive.
“Is that it?” she asks, as it dawns on her. “Is that why you came last night? Why you came back now? Because it’s dangerous?”
“You don’t know anything about me,” Kate replies. It’s true. Kate may not get off on danger. But Juliet has to wonder.
“I know enough,” Juliet answers. But does she? Probably not. But she’s already put up a tough front with Harper, and it’s hard to bring it back down. Especially since she doesn’t know if she can trust Kate.
“Enough to sleep with me, maybe.”
Juliet clenches her jaw. “You didn’t answer my question. Is that why you’re here?” she demands.
Kate stares at her for a long while, then says, “No.” Can Juliet believe that? She supposes she doesn’t have much of a choice. Kate seems sincere, insistent on that point. “Can I ask you a question?”
She sighs. “I suppose it’s only fair.”
“Why do you feel like you need to protect me?” Kate asks, standing. “I know what Ben Linus is capable of.”
“Then why aren’t you afraid?”
“Why are you?”
“Does it matter?!” Juliet asks, loudly. This isn’t a story she wants to tell. Especially not to Kate.
“Yes,” Kate replies, strongly. “Answer my question. I answered yours.”
Juliet closes her eyes. She feels like she’s losing her balance, like the ground is made of sand and she’s slowly sinking in it. She sits in a chair and throws her toothbrush onto the coffee table with more force than necessary. It’s funny, she hadn’t even remembered it was in her hand until she needed something to throw.
“Goodwin…liked me,” Juliet explained. “It started out innocent. We’d…talk over lunch. But Ben watched him, and me, too closely, and he thought…he thought there was something between us.” She closes her eyes. “He said it was an accident, but…Ben did something that almost got him killed. Nothing even happened, and the crazy bastard almost killed someone. Because of me.” She looks Kate in the eyes. “I don’t know if I trust you, or if I even like you. But I don’t want anything to happen to you. I already have to live with one person getting hurt because of me.”
“Do you have a file?” she asks.
“Of course,” Juliet answers, though the questions seems a bit out of the blue given the story that had just poured out of her. “We all do.”
“If you knew what was in mine, you’d know that I can take care of myself,” Kate replies. She sits down again, across from Juliet, and they look at each other for a long time. She sees Kate searching her eyes for something, and she does the same. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for, and neither does Kate.
It’s the oddest feeling, not knowing the person who’s shared your bed, but being forced to occupy the same space as them. In the real world, a one night stand could happen, and she would never see Kate again. But this world, this strange, insular, artificial seeming world, is so much different. In this world, there’s no place to run from the things you don’t feel strong enough. There’s no escaping anything here.
“Who are you?” Juliet finally asks.
“Who are you?” Kate replies.
Does she even know that anymore?
TBC...