"There are many things that I would like to say to you...but I don't know how."
I'm beginning to think that the problem I've been most ignoring about my relationship with her is this place and how much just our living space has affected how we relate to each other. For instance, last year we kept to our rooms a lot, sure, but we'd eventually come to the kitchen to make food and we'd inevitably sit and chat while we ate. I never realized how much of a difference just sitting down to dinner with someone can make.
Right now our living space consists of essentially four rooms. Living room and kitchen are all one, the bathroom is crammed in there, and our respective bedrooms are at opposite sides of the place. Cooking is a real chore because of the tiny kitchen. And in the living area there's just one couch and then a large empty space of floor. We have a table, but its a coffee table. Who sits on the floor around a coffee table for dinner?
I'm so selfish with her. If she doesn't act how I want her to I freak out. I blame her and everyone else. Pride, pride, pride.
It's odd to feel so disconnected with her right now. We're almost like ships that pass in the night. We spot eachother, give a friendly wave and then go on our way. Chats increase and decrease like waves.
Ah, I swear I could poeticize or dramatize anything.
Everything is just a canvas on which to paint my perspective.
*waltzes back to reality*
~Isilwen