The Long and Winding Road Chapter Ten: Confessing
An AU retelling of season 4, beginning with The Last of the Time Lords from season 3. First story in the All Roads Lead Home series.
10/Rose, Martha, Jack Harkness, Donna Noble, the Master, River Song, Sarah Jane Smith, and many more.
( Prologue ) ( Chapter One ) ( Chapter Two ) ( Chapter Three ) ( Chapter Four ) ( Chapter Five ) ( Chapter Six ) ( Chapter Seven ) ( Chapter Eight ) ( Chapter Nine )
They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, although the Doctor's excellent internal clock informed him that it has been less than ten minutes. He thanked his wonderful ship for leading him here, when he is obviously needed-one of the benefits of living in a sentient ship that cares for its passengers. She had always cared for Rose, in a way that puzzled him at first, but the TARDIS was an eleven-dimensional being that experienced Time in a way that not even Time Lords could fully comprehend. She had known what Rose would do, what she would become, how she would change him, and apparently the TARDIS approved.
Leading him here, allowing him to find her when she was hurting, was another sign of approval. He knew the look on Rose's face well-it mirrored how he felt. He wasn't quite sure why she felt that way. He was carrying the burden of more lives he failed to save, more destruction he inadvertently caused. He wasn't lying when he said he'd make a bad god. He had enough trouble controlling the consequences of his actions as a man.
"I killed someone today." Rose's voice broke the silence.
He shook his head. "Excellent memory, me, and if I recall, Rickston Slade was still alive when we left the Titanic."
She did not smile. "Not him. Astrid. I killed her."
"What are you talking about?" His voice was warm and laced with confusion. "If anyone killed Astrid, Rose, it was Max Capricorn."
She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. "I told her about being a companion," she said softly. "Not just the good things, but the things I wish someone had told me when I started traveling with you-about who you are and what that means and hard choices. I told her that if it came down to her or you, it would have to be you." She swallowed and closed her eyes. "And then-it should have been me on the forklift, but she pushed me off. I had the Dimension cannon! I could have jumped back! But she wouldn't listen." Tears mingled with the water from the shower on her cheeks. "I killed her, Doctor."
"Oh, Rose." He pulled her into his arms and she went willingly, her wet skin against his wet clothes. "Astrid made a choice," he said as he held her close. "She saved everyone on Earth and the people left on the ship because she took out the Host. And it hurts, because you feel responsible, but it's not your fault."
"You're a fine one to talk about letting go of guilt," she murmured into the curve of his neck.
"Oi," he said without heat. "Catch me comforting you again if this is the thanks I get." She smiled, and he could feel it against his skin.
"Thank you."
He ran a hand up and down her back. "You're always welcome, Rose." The shower stopped. The TARDIS seemed to believe that Rose was all right now. She wasn't, not totally. He could feel the hard edges beneath, like broken glass through cloth, but she was well enough for now. Who was he kidding? He wasn't better either, but they could both be all right. They were always all right, except when they really, really weren't. And then, well, then they had each other. "Let's get you dried off, and then I was thinking tea." She nodded. "Oh, and the TARDIS picked up a rather interesting advertisement while you were showering." His lips quirked into a grin. "How do you feel about a little investigation?"
She smiled at him. "Sounds like a plan. Be in the kitchen in ten."
Rose waited until the Doctor left to stand. She didn't mind if he saw her naked, but she had a feeling that he would. He was-strange about certain things, like nudity. They'd seen each other in various states of dress and undress often enough when she originally traveled on the TARDIS-changing, or locked in a jail, or fixing each other up-but it was different now. Things were shifting between them. She didn't mind. She'd been waiting for ages for him to catch up-but not yet. They were too new, too fragile still. Neither one of them was whole yet, but they were getting there.
She would wait to tell him about the dreams. To let him know that she remembered now. That she knew the feel of the turn of the Earth, the pulse of the universe, that she could recall with shattering detail the sound of a million Daleks screaming as they turned to dust, that she remembered killing him. Whatever he said about regeneration, it was death paired with life. The man he was died, and a new one took his place.
He was waiting for her in the kitchen, two mugs of tea on the table and a packet of biscuits beside them. He had already opened the packet and consumed most of his contents. A fond smile lit her features. Always impatient, he was.
"Right!" the Doctor said as she slid into the seat next to him. "There's this company-Adipose Industries, and they're making some rather interesting claims about weight loss." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Fancy taking a look?"
"Let me clear my schedule," she replied. He grinned. The Doctor and Rose Tyler were on their way to another adventure.
( Chapter Eleven )
10/Rose, Martha, Jack Harkness, Donna Noble, the Master, River Song, Sarah Jane Smith, and many more.
( Prologue ) ( Chapter One ) ( Chapter Two ) ( Chapter Three ) ( Chapter Four ) ( Chapter Five ) ( Chapter Six ) ( Chapter Seven ) ( Chapter Eight ) ( Chapter Nine )
They sat in silence for what seemed like hours, although the Doctor's excellent internal clock informed him that it has been less than ten minutes. He thanked his wonderful ship for leading him here, when he is obviously needed-one of the benefits of living in a sentient ship that cares for its passengers. She had always cared for Rose, in a way that puzzled him at first, but the TARDIS was an eleven-dimensional being that experienced Time in a way that not even Time Lords could fully comprehend. She had known what Rose would do, what she would become, how she would change him, and apparently the TARDIS approved.
Leading him here, allowing him to find her when she was hurting, was another sign of approval. He knew the look on Rose's face well-it mirrored how he felt. He wasn't quite sure why she felt that way. He was carrying the burden of more lives he failed to save, more destruction he inadvertently caused. He wasn't lying when he said he'd make a bad god. He had enough trouble controlling the consequences of his actions as a man.
"I killed someone today." Rose's voice broke the silence.
He shook his head. "Excellent memory, me, and if I recall, Rickston Slade was still alive when we left the Titanic."
She did not smile. "Not him. Astrid. I killed her."
"What are you talking about?" His voice was warm and laced with confusion. "If anyone killed Astrid, Rose, it was Max Capricorn."
She looked down, refusing to meet his eyes. "I told her about being a companion," she said softly. "Not just the good things, but the things I wish someone had told me when I started traveling with you-about who you are and what that means and hard choices. I told her that if it came down to her or you, it would have to be you." She swallowed and closed her eyes. "And then-it should have been me on the forklift, but she pushed me off. I had the Dimension cannon! I could have jumped back! But she wouldn't listen." Tears mingled with the water from the shower on her cheeks. "I killed her, Doctor."
"Oh, Rose." He pulled her into his arms and she went willingly, her wet skin against his wet clothes. "Astrid made a choice," he said as he held her close. "She saved everyone on Earth and the people left on the ship because she took out the Host. And it hurts, because you feel responsible, but it's not your fault."
"You're a fine one to talk about letting go of guilt," she murmured into the curve of his neck.
"Oi," he said without heat. "Catch me comforting you again if this is the thanks I get." She smiled, and he could feel it against his skin.
"Thank you."
He ran a hand up and down her back. "You're always welcome, Rose." The shower stopped. The TARDIS seemed to believe that Rose was all right now. She wasn't, not totally. He could feel the hard edges beneath, like broken glass through cloth, but she was well enough for now. Who was he kidding? He wasn't better either, but they could both be all right. They were always all right, except when they really, really weren't. And then, well, then they had each other. "Let's get you dried off, and then I was thinking tea." She nodded. "Oh, and the TARDIS picked up a rather interesting advertisement while you were showering." His lips quirked into a grin. "How do you feel about a little investigation?"
She smiled at him. "Sounds like a plan. Be in the kitchen in ten."
Rose waited until the Doctor left to stand. She didn't mind if he saw her naked, but she had a feeling that he would. He was-strange about certain things, like nudity. They'd seen each other in various states of dress and undress often enough when she originally traveled on the TARDIS-changing, or locked in a jail, or fixing each other up-but it was different now. Things were shifting between them. She didn't mind. She'd been waiting for ages for him to catch up-but not yet. They were too new, too fragile still. Neither one of them was whole yet, but they were getting there.
She would wait to tell him about the dreams. To let him know that she remembered now. That she knew the feel of the turn of the Earth, the pulse of the universe, that she could recall with shattering detail the sound of a million Daleks screaming as they turned to dust, that she remembered killing him. Whatever he said about regeneration, it was death paired with life. The man he was died, and a new one took his place.
He was waiting for her in the kitchen, two mugs of tea on the table and a packet of biscuits beside them. He had already opened the packet and consumed most of his contents. A fond smile lit her features. Always impatient, he was.
"Right!" the Doctor said as she slid into the seat next to him. "There's this company-Adipose Industries, and they're making some rather interesting claims about weight loss." He raised his eyebrows at her. "Fancy taking a look?"
"Let me clear my schedule," she replied. He grinned. The Doctor and Rose Tyler were on their way to another adventure.
( Chapter Eleven )