FIC: R: Nevermind The Buzzcocks
Title: Never mind the Buzzcocks (Part 8/8)
Author: Isi
Rating: R
Pairing: Remus/Severus other characters: Regulus, Lucius, James, Lily, Harry, Peter, Sirius.
Challenge: Snupin Santa 2006 at lupin_snape. Join the party!
Summary: A non-magical AU in which we see the world of late 70’s Manchester, and young Severus and Remus’ adoration and emulation of the Sex Pistols. We see this world in two ways. Through Severus’ eyes in the main body of the story and the ‘crackier’ side, through Remus’ various attempts at pulp fiction writing. His work though often clichéd, crosses many genres: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Western, Horror and Crime Noir Fiction. He hopes you will forgive him, he’s still learning y’know.
Disclaimer: don’t own these characters, just unwrapping them for Christmas.
Warnings: Swearing, drugs/alcohol discussed and used, humour, black humour, sexual situations, moderate descriptions of violence, angst, non-main character death. Cruelty to drummers. Fluff where it counts. Often heavily dialogue based. Verses (and Bridge) are Remus POV then Sev POV, Chorus’s are vice versa. Word count: roughly 23,500 in total (this part about 900 )
Notes: Written for maraudersaffair in snupin_santa 2006. Beta'd by the beautiful schemingreader
LAST CHORUS:
Another Time Another Place
“You bloody dare!” Severus held out the turkey-baster like it was his very own magic wand. Remus’ foot was mere millimetres from the join in the floor where wood met slate tile. Remus grinned evilly and moved his foot forwards over the join.
“Remus!” He warned as he continued basting. Perfect. Severus sniffed deeply and slid the mammoth bird back into the oven.
“What?” He replied innocently, to be met with narrowed eyes and an oven glove-covered finger poking him in the chest.
“You aren’t allowed in the kitchen. You know you aren’t allowed in the kitchen, now please with all the spirit of Christmas and all that is holy, fuck off.”
Sighing dramatically Remus stepped back but keened his head over the counter to watch the delicious way the apron hugged the black-clad arse.
"But it's Christmas!” he whined. Remus really could win awards at annoying people.
“You are aware that I have a knife not two feet away from me? And you are aware that we might have had time for your present if you hadn’t suggested people come here for Christmas and made me cook dinner for God knows how many people? …And it’s your bloody friends I’m cooking for!”
“They’re your friends too,” added Remus petulantly. Severus just twisted his face in reply. They were his friends too, of course, but that wouldn’t win him the argument.
“Is there anything I can do then, seeing as I’m clearly not to get any today? Any chopping or peeling that needs doing?”
“I didn’t say you weren’t getting any today, just not at this time. And no - you’ll only chop them wrong. But you can do something for me."
“What?” Remus wiggled his eyebrows expectantly.
“Fuck off.” the doorbell rang as he spoke, “And answer the door.”
“Charming.”
When he’d finished crossing the sprouts, Severus took the tray of glasses into the living room.
“Oh cool what’s that?” He heard as Lily kissed him on the cheek in greeting, he hugged her back warmly; it had been too long. The voice was unfamiliar, a white-blond haired boy stood with Harry. Severus looked him up and down then nodded at Harry in approval only to receive a grin from him and a playful smack from his mother. As Severus poured Lily and James a glass of wine he noticed Remus looking uncomfortable.
“I probably should have moved that actually.”
“Why? It’s OK; my dad used to live around there.” The blond replied.
“Did he?”
“Oh Severus, this is Draco.” The boy turned revealing a Buzzcocks t-shirt.
“Charmed.” Severus poured him some wine.
“It’s ‘she’ now actually, changed her name to Narcissa and moved to Malibu when I was ten.”
Remus and Severus shared a look, Remus had to look at James to keep himself from laughing, “Tell her the Hogwarts say hello.”
“It's, err, my favourite - “ Severus looked at him over Harry’s shoulder, as Harry was currently trying to squeeze the life out of him, “my second favourite Christmas present ever. Sev gave it to me our first Christmas together.”
“It’s the original road sign, I nicked it off the wall. I hope your dad managed to find her way without it.”
About the Author:
Remus Lupin has been a writer for many years but only recently gained widespread appeal as a children’s author with the ‘Harry Potter’ series of children’s books. The books are set in the well-established ‘Hogwarts’ universe, which shares similar popularity among children of all ages. He hopes you enjoyed this, the penultimate book in the Harry Potter series and promises a cracking finale... But you’ll have to wait for that.
The award winning Hogwarts series was a return to his first love of science fiction writing. Remus may be better known by his pseudonym, T. Watt, under which name he has a prolific back-catalogue of romance novels. Remus says of his duplicitous writing career, “What’s the point of fish and chips without bread and butter?”
Remus has been granted many awards throughout his long career, including an honorary degree of literature from Northumbria University as well as an O.B.E.
Remus maintains that the award he is most proud of is the Students Choice Best Fiction Book award in 1990, which he bagged for his first adult book in the Hogwarts Series. At the awards ceremony Remus recalled being, “old enough to have blue hair when it was trendy the first time around” - a reference to his short-lived stint as a punk singer. Thankfully that wasn’t the highlight of the evening for poor, decrepit, old Remus. It was at the awards ceremony where he met, or rather, was reunited with his old punk band-mate and his other first love: Sev who was covering the event as part of a long career as a journalist for the science journal ‘Q2’. Sev also writes for the popular music paper N.M.E. , and according to Remus, “Can still play Johnny Marr under the table.”
When asked why a one-time punk singer would want to accept an O.B.E, Remus said, “I’d get to be called ‘Sir’ at home. I thought I'd win more arguments that way," Remus reflected, “It didn’t work.”
Remus currently lives behind a keyboard in the wilds of Northumberland with Sev. They share their home with two cats and a gnome called Pete Shelley.
REPEAT TO FADE…