FIC: R: Nevermind The Buzzcocks
Title: Never mind the Buzzcocks (Part 2/8)
Author: Isi
Rating: R
Pairing: Remus/Severus other characters: Regulus, Lucius, James, Lily, Harry, Peter, Sirius.
Challenge: Snupin Santa 2006 at lupin_snape. Join the party!
Summary: A non-magical AU in which we see the world of late 70’s Manchester, and young Severus and Remus’ adoration and emulation of the Sex Pistols. We see this world in two ways. Through Severus’ eyes in the main body of the story and the ‘crackier’ side, through Remus’ various attempts at pulp fiction writing. His work though often clichéd, crosses many genres: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Western, Horror and Crime Noir Fiction. He hopes you will forgive him, he’s still learning y’know.
Disclaimer: don’t own these characters, just unwrapping them for Christmas.
Warnings: Swearing, drugs/alcohol discussed and used, humour, black humour, sexual situations, moderate descriptions of violence, angst, non-main character death. Cruelty to drummers. Fluff where it counts. Often heavily dialogue based. Verses (and Bridge) are Remus POV then Sev POV, Chorus’s are vice versa. Word count: roughly 23,500 in total (this part about 2,300 )
Notes: Written for maraudersaffair in snupin_santa 2006. Beta'd by the beautiful schemingreader
VERSE 1
Fantastic Four
He almost felt like an intruder watching him cast. The bony fingers of one hand gracefully held his wand; the other hand moved surely with skillful practise telling the music where to go - up and down, up and down. His face was, not as one might expect, a mask of concentration, but rather a picture of relaxation and contentment. His heavy lidded eyes were focussed, not on the musical device, not on anything in particular, just on the air before him, which was now filled with the beautiful harmony as though he could see it.
Looking at Snape, Remus knew he was in the presence of genius. He didn’t think it was possible for a mortal wizard to be able to create such otherworldly magical music, especially not one so young. But then, the point of the device was to ‘tune’ the will and thoughts of others. It was not dark magic in any way. The device didn’t bend a person’s will, it didn’t force them into anything their rational mind would oppose. Instead, the device appealed to people’s humanity, to their empathy. The power of it was almost enough to bring him to his knees. He assumed Snape would have something to say about that if it happened. It was strange to Remus that such a vinegar-natured young man like Snape could produce anything so sweet and beautiful. He was an enigma.
The wizard gasped audibly at a particularly complex arrangement by his soon-to-be mentor, catching him unawares.
“What are you doing here?” his mentor barked. It looked to Remus as though he were almost embarrassed to have been caught.
“Well Severus, this is my dorm.”
Snape nodded, “Pettigrew showed me in before he left, he said you wouldn’t be back for some time.” As he spoke he began reconfiguring the device that hung around his neck.
Remus smiled, “Have I tricked you out of being annoyed at me by arriving early?”
Snape sneered and Remus knew he was correct.
“Not at all, its for the best that you’re early, no doubt you need all the practise you can get.”
Remus’ friends played Quidditch, a game similar to football played on broomsticks. He was a fan and often went to see his friends play but his friendly jibes with Severus were fast becoming his favourite sport.
The two had studied together at [need a name] school of witchcraft and wizardry for only a short while but it was enough to form an opinion on his classmate. Despite thinking him an unsociable, odd, even ‘creepy’ sort of boy - Remus’ friends had all said this about Snape - Remus couldn’t help liking him, although he did wonder why. Remus' friends never knew it but Remus himself suspected that he was prone to liking people and things he knew others would dislike. Perhaps he liked Snape precisely because he was such an unsociable, odd, creepy sort of boy.
To Remus, most wizards were designed to be this way. Most wizards were innately strange in their own way, but somehow they deemed it unacceptable to let other people see it. They wore masks that made them appear a little more sociable, a little less odd. Even the wizards who had turned to dark magic had their own rules of rebellion, their own masks. Severus had unwittingly become the biggest rebel of them all by not having any masks and not adhering to any of those rules.
Remus certainly had his own masks that he displayed for the rest of the wizarding world but Severus either didn’t see the point or was unaware of the fact that he had to hide this. Remus couldn’t help wishing to know more about the mysterious wizard. Their appointed task of saving the world together seemed a good way of going about it.
“Are you ready to begin?”
Remus wasn’t. After a hard day in the classroom he sorely needed a short rest and some re-hydration wouldn’t go amiss either. He explained this as well as he could to Snape, who seemed to take particular offence - not for himself - Remus hadn’t suggested that his methods were taxing in any way. Snape took offence on behalf of the magic, that anybody should find the creation of magical music anything other than a pleasure
Once refreshed the mentoring began in earnest. Snape had given him some parchments containing diagrams and the runic and sonic equivalents. He’d jotted them down and left them for Remus to study after their first meeting and Remus, torn between wanting to please Severus and wanting to annoy him by doing better than his mentor expected had studied them in detail. When Severus asked him to play the runic scale, Remus found he could do so with ease. Severus then moved on to barking random runes at him to play out of sequence, again his efforts were mostly successful.
Their next lesson began a little better; Remus was thoroughly looking forward to it. He’d arranged to finish his essays later on that evening and was prepared well for the session. He’d studied the advanced notes Severus had left him, the actual songs that they would use in their quest to defeat dark magic. Severus had scribbled all over it in his black spidery writing, marking out runic changes and speeds. Not having a guitonium of his own, Remus had to act out the wand and hand movements. Severus hadn’t pushed him about buying one, but Remus knew he’d have to - somehow. They were expensive devices. When Remus greeted Severus at the door he certainly wasn’t expecting him to be holding another guitonium.
“For you.”
Remus was speechless for a second before smoothly replying,
“Err, what?”
“Were you thinking we could take turns? The idea is that we play together.”
“But-”
“I wanted you to play, so I bought the guitonium. Now shut up and play.”
Well, that was the argument sorted; grudgingly he gave Severus a point. Remus kept score of their sporting jibes.
He looked at the device in his hands. It was a beautiful thing. Blue to match his hair, it was in a different league to anything that Remus could have afforded. It looked brand new. He caught Severus watching him, a faint smile lingering on his lips that he had been too slow to hide. Remus could tell that Severus understood this feeling well.
“The funnel is still at the shop - I couldn’t carry it. ”
“We are fucking fantastic!”
"Well, I agree…” Rather surprisingly he really did. Severus noticed the smiles on their faces as he spoke. “Finally. But we still don't have a name.” He clicked the guitar case closed, “Anybody have anywhere they have to be?"
Severus knew that when he usually asked this question the band were less than thrilled about telling him the truth - that no they had nothing at all to do - it usually meant more practising without smoke or tea breaks.
"I thought we could go to the offy get a few drinks in.” He noted that he should probably say this more often by the way their ears were pricking up. "Who knows-- it might help us decide on a name." Oddly there was a general consensus that none of them had anything better to do.
A while later, after having climbed the 15 flight of stairs to Remus's flat, Severus made himself a cup of tea. He could hear Reg laughing from the next room. it was amazing that someone who Peter’s friend hated with such a passion could be as annoyingly charming and charismatic enough to actually win the drummer over.
When he’d arrived back at the flat, Reg had been lounging casually on his seat of the sofa waiting for Remus to arrive with his brown ale. He should have known better than to be 'lounging' over Severus's seat. Severus wasn’t worried; Reg could be lured away from his seat with bribes of alcohol.
They had already started the game by the sounds of it, not that it was really a game - it was a means to Severus end. They needed a good name and quickly.
The game consisted of pieces of paper with random words written on them in two piles on the floor. The first pile was supposed to be adjectives and the second nouns but he suspected that Peter probably wouldn’t know the difference.
"Spider, this is bloody fantastic mate! Did you think this one up?" Reg yelled to him. Severus grimaced at the use of his 'nickname'. He probably wouldn’t object to Reg calling him a name that didn’t make him sound like an utter twat. “What do you think of ‘Floppy turtles’?”
"No and no” He continued wiping down the benches …and continued further until he heard Remus' key in the latch.
"I like the way you send me out to the offy, I wouldn’t mind so much but I had to carry all your drinks back up 15 flights of frigging stairs." Severus couldn't help the smirk that crossed his face, he'd known the lift was out of order - not that he would ever get into it, it had a tendency to smell of a cocktail of bodily fluids.
"Yes but we really appreciate it," Reg smiled his most sickeningly sweet smile to Remus as Severus exited the kitchen, tea in hand. Twat.
"Twat."
"Jesus, Remus you’re starting to sound like Spider.” Severus thought it probably best not to mention that Peter was starting to sound like Reg.
"Twat." Severus added. Well, it was a bit of an insult.
"So what are we doing? Does anyone else want a glass?" Severus had to admire the fact that Remus used a glass. “And who tidied up?” Then again, it was the only way he could mix that vile purple concoction he drank, though it was probably more suited to a cauldron. ‘Diesel’ he called it - Half lager, half cider and blackcurrant cordial. He shuddered involuntarily at the thought of it.
"No” Severus’ teacup waved in the air to demonstrate. "We're playing a game to find a band name, we could use your talents as a writer - it'd be nice to have some words that you can’t find in a thesaurus under 'genitalia'."
"But they’re the best words Sev," Remus smiled at him and took a sip giving himself a purple moustache in the process. It was one of those weird moments when you know your brain is working but you don’t know what it ‘s working on. Severus wondered if there was now a schema in his head that now permanently connected the word ‘genitalia’ to that picture of smiling Remus. That probably wasn’t healthy.
The game wasn't particularly helpful. When the not-so-good results were laid out on the floor it made interesting reading certainly, but none of them were very good as a name:
Forest Plug
Oblong Toe
Blind Clip
Bowl Toothbrush
Salad Green
Pig Cash
Dingbat Fly
Teddy bear Pills
Single Post
Fro Broken
Slurp Pain
Wheel Fall
Bored Tin
Slide Fluffy
Wart Factory
Clap Scared
Tuesday Slipper
Frog Bollocks
‘Wart Factory’ was looking the best - in Severus’ opinion, everyone else rather fancied ‘Frog Bollocks’ but of course they obviously weren’t aware of the fact that Severus’ opinion was always the correct one.
“We could always…compromise” Remus looked at Severus out of the corner of his eye as though he thought Severus had never heard of the word before.
Of course, he’d heard of it he just didn’t like it that much. Severus blinked his eyes calmly and took a slow sip of tea as his eyes past over his band mates.
“I am not playing in a band called ‘Bollocks Factory’.” Really. They should have known better.
“Well, I’m not too partial to Warty Frogs either to tell the truth Spider,” Reg pulled a face and Severus knew he was thinking about his brother.
“What about Frogwarts?” Peter muttered, idly balancing a drumstick on his nose. Sometimes Pluto just didn’t seem far enough, however, his suggestion was better than-
“I like it.”
Remus nodded at Reg’s statement, “I prefer Hog Warts - sounds like a school for witchcraft and wizardry,” he replied rather randomly, taking a sip of his drink and giving himself another purple moustache. There was a strange sort of Mexican wave that went around the room, consisting of shrugs and nods.
“Well, I suppose it will have to do, if we think of a better one we can always change it later.” To Wart Factory he mused silently as took another slow sip of his tea and chose his words, “It's good that we have a name now because I’ve got us a gig two weeks from Saturday”.
For some reason they were all staring at him like he’d just announced his pregnancy. They hid the horror quite well but there were some clearly identifiable remnants of the emotion on each of their faces. Reg looked paler than his usual rosy glowing self, his face blended into the pale white-blond of his hair. Remus’ face was neutral but Severus could tell his mind was running over all the mistakes he’d made during that night’s practice. Peter looked down at his feet, his eyes wide.
“That’s the point of the band isn't it? To play... live? Reg, you said it yourself we were fantastic!”
“But Sev, we only know eight songs all the way through.”
“-Nearly nine.”
“Yeah but still-”
“We’ll know more in two and a half weeks.” Severus knew he was piling on the pressure but it was a good pressure. They needed it.
“What if we don’t?” Peter interrupted.
“We’ll just have to.”
Part 3