late night ponderings...
yes, it's late night ponderings with Twin Star of Suzaku...
seriously now... this was really the only time I /could/ do a LJ post...
*deep sigh* god, i hate my.... "calm" moods... they irritate me. Because I hate feeling the same basic emotion all the damned fucking day. Oh, I'll have the slight ups & downs that many people have on a day to day basis - but inwardly, it's the same fucking emotion all the time. that "blah" emotion, when you really don't care.
Supposedly, these periods of time are for "reflection" and "introspection into one's self". this is CRAP! I'm not that deep of a thinker as many are under the impression I am. Sometimes I'll have flashes of enlightenment... but it's like a static discharge in a dark room, brief and extremely short lived.
I really prefur to have the strong... motivated - if you will - emotions. Anger, humor, passion, happyness. NOT this endless feeling of fucking LIMBO! that kind of mood can happen when I'm dead and one's soul is supposed to feel that way. Life is meant to be lived and experinced with full force passion...
*chuckles with very little humor* but apparently, that's how I'm supposed to feel... just about every damned zodiac on the planet says so...
I've also been in a "loner" mood lately too. I hardly ever feel like talking to friends. I know it's not much different then normal, but *shruggs* they don't bother to talk to me either... I've also been having wierd insecure moments about my relationship with Keii... *sighs* but those are emotions I /REALLY/ don't want to express to the entire world, but basically: I miss him. alot. He's become so much of a gamer lately that it's not even worth it for me to IM him 'cause I very rarely if ever get a responce from him...
ANYWAY... next topic....
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Just a quick update on current events:
family from huston is visiting this week for "skii-ing".... O.o; which makes no sence 'cause NM has gotten like no snow, or very little snow this year... but whatever.
my jury-duty run is up this week, which makes me happy. I should expect my payment sometime in may... otherwise I need to call the court house and see what's going on with that...
I finally caved and bought myself an mp3-usb drive for myself. so now i carry it with me everywhere! ^_^ no more having to make my own music, i've got it on my usb and a ear-phone in my ear at like all times. the ONLY sucky thing - as Karma kicks my ass once again - I lost my "light" Chii pin from my sweater! T_T very upsetting.
Anyway, i checked today and this week is the 9th week of the term - which means only 3 left to go! HUZZAH AND PRAISE THE GODS ABOVE!! the official last day of classes is April 21st...
there's also talk between me and my brother about going to LA over my b-day weekend. Naturally, he has alterier motives: there's a guy out there that is thinking of selling a single-cab that Cary's been lusting for... So, we'll see wheather we go or not.
I can't wait until classes are over 'cause that means i have 4 full damned days to go job hunting for a new job. Prefurably one in a restraunt. I don't give a flying fuck if I have to bus tables and my feet hurt - I won't have to answer phones all the damned time. I can talk to people face to face!! That'll be the best part, 'cause I enjoy people. I do. I may not understand them sometimes, but I do like them...
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One last little note, i had the weirdest vision that i've had in the longest time. If you're not interested, just skip over this section... if you are, well read on!
.::description::.
Well, I saw... myself (kinda like an Out of Body experience-thing) sitting in a strait-backed chair. I knew I wasn't alone, but it was dark all around me. If you think of old-fashioned drama-movies - I'm a "witness" sitting in that one stream of light from above whilest being watched by faceless people in the darkness... if that makes any sence....
Anyway, I sit and I wait. Finally, I hear a male voice say in a bitter voice:
Voice: So, guardian, what say you?
Me: What say I to what? <-- yes I really am confused at this point
Voice: *snort* to the situation with humanity, since you are the overseer are you not?
Me: *shruggs* I over see, protect. Guard. that's all I am. I don't dictate what happens to your race. You do.
Voice: surely you have some say.
Me: I have opinions about you, yes.
Voice: and they are?
Me: *chuckles* your culture, as it's grown has confounded, confused, annoyed, and delighted me in various ways. You once chose to live in simple times, but not any more. You once chose to embrasse your heiratage, now you do anything but. You've matured, but not fully. You remind me muchly of your own views of college students. You are torn, territorial, and devided - yet you work together and try to keep on good terms with each other... or atleast try to... When you are at war with each other, you regress into school-children who take delight in burning ants under a magnifying glass... So you tell me, what am I supposed to be specific on?
.... and that's just how it ends.... don't ask me what it means, 'cause I don't know, nor do I really care. Just thought it would be an interesting tidbit for people to read...
seriously now... this was really the only time I /could/ do a LJ post...
*deep sigh* god, i hate my.... "calm" moods... they irritate me. Because I hate feeling the same basic emotion all the damned fucking day. Oh, I'll have the slight ups & downs that many people have on a day to day basis - but inwardly, it's the same fucking emotion all the time. that "blah" emotion, when you really don't care.
Supposedly, these periods of time are for "reflection" and "introspection into one's self". this is CRAP! I'm not that deep of a thinker as many are under the impression I am. Sometimes I'll have flashes of enlightenment... but it's like a static discharge in a dark room, brief and extremely short lived.
I really prefur to have the strong... motivated - if you will - emotions. Anger, humor, passion, happyness. NOT this endless feeling of fucking LIMBO! that kind of mood can happen when I'm dead and one's soul is supposed to feel that way. Life is meant to be lived and experinced with full force passion...
*chuckles with very little humor* but apparently, that's how I'm supposed to feel... just about every damned zodiac on the planet says so...
I've also been in a "loner" mood lately too. I hardly ever feel like talking to friends. I know it's not much different then normal, but *shruggs* they don't bother to talk to me either... I've also been having wierd insecure moments about my relationship with Keii... *sighs* but those are emotions I /REALLY/ don't want to express to the entire world, but basically: I miss him. alot. He's become so much of a gamer lately that it's not even worth it for me to IM him 'cause I very rarely if ever get a responce from him...
ANYWAY... next topic....
----------
Just a quick update on current events:
family from huston is visiting this week for "skii-ing".... O.o; which makes no sence 'cause NM has gotten like no snow, or very little snow this year... but whatever.
my jury-duty run is up this week, which makes me happy. I should expect my payment sometime in may... otherwise I need to call the court house and see what's going on with that...
I finally caved and bought myself an mp3-usb drive for myself. so now i carry it with me everywhere! ^_^ no more having to make my own music, i've got it on my usb and a ear-phone in my ear at like all times. the ONLY sucky thing - as Karma kicks my ass once again - I lost my "light" Chii pin from my sweater! T_T very upsetting.
Anyway, i checked today and this week is the 9th week of the term - which means only 3 left to go! HUZZAH AND PRAISE THE GODS ABOVE!! the official last day of classes is April 21st...
there's also talk between me and my brother about going to LA over my b-day weekend. Naturally, he has alterier motives: there's a guy out there that is thinking of selling a single-cab that Cary's been lusting for... So, we'll see wheather we go or not.
I can't wait until classes are over 'cause that means i have 4 full damned days to go job hunting for a new job. Prefurably one in a restraunt. I don't give a flying fuck if I have to bus tables and my feet hurt - I won't have to answer phones all the damned time. I can talk to people face to face!! That'll be the best part, 'cause I enjoy people. I do. I may not understand them sometimes, but I do like them...
----------
One last little note, i had the weirdest vision that i've had in the longest time. If you're not interested, just skip over this section... if you are, well read on!
.::description::.
Well, I saw... myself (kinda like an Out of Body experience-thing) sitting in a strait-backed chair. I knew I wasn't alone, but it was dark all around me. If you think of old-fashioned drama-movies - I'm a "witness" sitting in that one stream of light from above whilest being watched by faceless people in the darkness... if that makes any sence....
Anyway, I sit and I wait. Finally, I hear a male voice say in a bitter voice:
Voice: So, guardian, what say you?
Me: What say I to what? <-- yes I really am confused at this point
Voice: *snort* to the situation with humanity, since you are the overseer are you not?
Me: *shruggs* I over see, protect. Guard. that's all I am. I don't dictate what happens to your race. You do.
Voice: surely you have some say.
Me: I have opinions about you, yes.
Voice: and they are?
Me: *chuckles* your culture, as it's grown has confounded, confused, annoyed, and delighted me in various ways. You once chose to live in simple times, but not any more. You once chose to embrasse your heiratage, now you do anything but. You've matured, but not fully. You remind me muchly of your own views of college students. You are torn, territorial, and devided - yet you work together and try to keep on good terms with each other... or atleast try to... When you are at war with each other, you regress into school-children who take delight in burning ants under a magnifying glass... So you tell me, what am I supposed to be specific on?
.... and that's just how it ends.... don't ask me what it means, 'cause I don't know, nor do I really care. Just thought it would be an interesting tidbit for people to read...