Thanksgiving... sorry guys, been awhile...
Hello everybody, today has been one of stuffing, turkey and pie... i've absolutly engorged myself... especially on the pie... I was supposed to eat with Jason's family as well... but Jason's mom decided at the last minute to pack everyone up and head to Charleston to eat with relatives. Oh well, I'll be seeing him tomorrow.
My father and I, over Thanksgiving Dinner, got into an argument about the moral coruption of America. I personally think that strip clubs are disgusting and should be illegal. But he on the other hand think that "scientifically" men can't help themselves, and that it's an unrealistic expectation for me to not let Jason go to one on his 18th birthday. I never said that Jason couldn't go. I just said that if he does go he won't have a girlfriend to come home to. So really it's his decision, what is more important? Seeing a naked woman who is only naked because your paying her to be (to me stripping is 1 step above prostitution) or someone who will do it for free and probably looks better than the one you're paying. I think it's wrong, I couldn't even bring myself to look at Jason if he went to a club. I believe in the aspect of mentally and physically cheating on someone. If you're looking at another woman (or man) in a sexual way, wanting to be with that person rather than be with the person your are already with is just as bad if not worse than physically cheating on the person that you are with, because with your imagination you can make it better than what it really would be if you did physically cheat on someone. Of course my father wouldn't see it my way at all, for one, I'm a woman who knows what it's like to cheat, be caught, feel bad about it and never want to do it again, whereas my father is one, a man, who has cheated on my mother and doesn't feel an ounce of remorse for what he did. He feel justified because my mom didn't want him to sleep with her after she gave birth to me.
Anyway, enough of the life story... Jason and I are really happy together, I know that he would never go to a strip club or look at porn because he loves me and respects my wishes. He doesn't want to upset me. I'll quote him on this "if she's not happy, I'm not happy..." I love Jason, I know that I push him hard, and I know that I ask a lot, so please you guys don't think I'm a bitch. I'm just so afraid that one day he'll be like my dad. He did quit smoking cigarettes for me... and I'm so, so, so, so, happy that he did. I love him so much. I remember a few weekends ago when Natasha (Jason's step sister) and I caught him looking at a playboy with his dad in the Garage. I couldn't even look at him. I honestly went into the bathroom and threw-up. It just made me so sick. He did apologise, and told me that he knew that it was wrong and that he wouldn't do it again. I'm glad that he won't. I donno why it bugs me so much, why it makes me feel so ill. but it does. I hope that one day he will understand... but until then, I just don't know.
My father has yet to get a job. I've been making money, I had to help fund our Thanksgiving dinner, also I had to put $10.00 toward buying cigarettes for him. My mom is strapped for cash, I really hope that him having to rely on me for money to support his addiction will be a slap in the face. Maybe even a push in the right direction.
That's all I have for an update... I'll try to write more this coming week... c-ya
Kasey M'Kay