FIC: Soaked
The notes that follow are not necessary to receive this drabble and can impose certain interpretation, so feel free to skip them if you’d rather avoid this. The fic can of course stand on its own, and is another take on the rain prompt at sirius_remus100.
I wrote this piece for paulamcg (at least in as much as I could ever write anything for anyone), whose particular ( Read more... )
I wrote this piece for paulamcg (at least in as much as I could ever write anything for anyone), whose particular ( Read more... )
Your detailed comments honestly elated me. It’s a fabulous feeling to find my work received so sensitively, and it seems particularly important to me as I’ve probably never before written so consciously. All choices and single phrases appear to be even more my own - does it sound very weird? But I’m just overjoyed that you appreciated them: like the shoes, or the lack of apologies.
I was just sitting here and pondering how to get Remus in when I understood that it was Sirius who had to step out, which surprised me, too (but that also was a conscious decision of mine. And of Sirius’s, for that matter). Funny, I hadn’t seen them kiss, so I wasn’t even tempted to show it. I realise the whole door situation must seem somewhat unconventional, and it’s good to know that it serves its purpose well. Also, thank you for reassuring me that Remus’s repeated statement is enough to indicate that he has not come in.
Yes, I remembered the green, but you’re right I hadn’t known about your sweater. My choice was partly due to the colour being your favourite, and partly because it seemed so special on Remus (whom I usually see in browns) in this rain, so spring-like and just strangely appropriate. Well, I suppose I can say he just was in green. And the sweater was sort of thin, especially at the elbows, and pilled - that’s how I saw it. It’s amazing to learn now about yours …
Frankly, I saw the shoes because you would. I saw them for you. I don’t know if that makes any sense to you, but I also don’t know how to explain it any better. In any case I feel flattered and extremely happy now that this image proved so significant and right. (You must have meant Sirius-centric, didn’t you?)
Oh, every paragraph of your comment fills me with joy! I’m beyond happy to know you have believed in the ‘life beyond this moment’. It was sort of funny to write three drabbles about an argument without mentioning, or even being truly aware of its cause. But yes, I wanted every reader to find that out for themselves, just as I as the alpha-reader have. How splendid that it worked!
I was aware of the beginning’s similarity to that of “When Remus Opens the Door and Smiles”, but not - I have to admit - this similarity’s potential. It’s also great to know that the repetitions of Remus’s name serve their purpose so well. I think I wanted to fill this drabble with Remus: the sight, the dream, the reality of Remus.
I think I’m particularly satisfied with how the gaze came out - thank you for mentioning it!
I’ve just received your letter, which is such a wonderful closing to this good day! Thank you so much for all your kind words and images. I feel I can’t stay awake much longer, so I’ll postpone my reply until tomorrow. I’m smiling already at the thought …
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Finally, it’s wonderful to know that all my influence as a recipient of earlier pieces and of this one makes you feel that the text is yours more fully. I wonder if that has anything to do with becoming more visible through acceptance. The text is supposed to become transparent and just convey the story and evoke feeling and thought, compassion and understanding. But when readers discuss the choices and phrases with the author, her relationship with the text is perhaps renewed somehow and that can make her write more, more consciously, too. Now I’m afraid that this either is obvious or hardly means anything.
I’m now trying to get closer to Remus and this situation. I appreciate your clever choices of different positions/locations and movements in these three pieces. Of course, I should have realised that Sirius needed to come out, also because that would make this more fully into a rainy drabble and not just a predictable door drabble. But I must confess that I first thought you implied - only with Sirius’s invitation - that Remus stepped in before repeating his words. In any case I’m clearly more fascinated by the idea that he didn’t.
No, I didn’t see a kiss either. I still can’t see it, but when I was thinking of commenting on the beautifully open ending, it occurred to me that a lot of R/S fans would miss a kiss - while I think there’s no reason to miss it because they should be able to see it, if they want to.
Well, it’s amazing how you saw the sweater (exactly my favourite both for myself and for Remus - whereas I doubt I often see Remus in any colour in particular, if not grey or conventional wizard-style black, rather something faded. I suppose he’s still far from a clear vision for a self-portrait.) I wouldn’t have seen it without you, but when I read the drabble I immeaditely saw something spring-like in his wearing this colour. Perhaps it is already spring, after all. Or it’s just the hope he carries. In any case, in my interpretation, the sweater is certainly familiar to Sirius.
Oh yes, it makes sense to me. Thank you for seeing the shoes for me! But I did mean Peter-centric - your not looking away from my Remus.
So you have found out what the argument was about exactly? I wonder if it is appropriate to discuss it here.
I don’t think I managed to say anything about the potential of the similarity between the two openings. It’s clear that in both cases something that’s somehow wrong comes up soon after the conventional opening phrase. But can there possibly be any deeper meaning, anything that transcends the text we read and affects the persons we read about? Because both experiences are Sirius’s, it is quite natural that he structures them in his mind (at each moment) in the same way, and perhaps that helps the earlier experience somehow influence the latter. I just can’t resist combining the separate pieces you write into the reality of these lives.
Thank you for your beautiful reply. I’m so happy my comment could fill you with joy, as you’ve filled my mind with Remus.
I’m thanking you here also for your last lovely reply to me on the Through the Rain thread, as I can’t now think of anything I could add to the conclusions we reached concerning that drabble as such. I’ll enjoy continuing the conversation elsewhere.
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Sometimes you make me feel I could leave all the writing for you to do and agree to be the muse.
*snort* But am I not spoiling you, too? No, no, no, you must write, I’m afraid. Firstly, because I’ve just questioned any point of my writing. Secondly, because you’ve got a Remus to take care of. Thirdly, and seriously, because (my) world would be distinctly worse off without your writing, and I’m pretty sure there’s still much for you to say. Conclusion: go and write!
Of course I have never intended to lay any additional responsibilities with you, and I promise to never again let you know you have inspired anything! Or I don’t have to? But really, I definitely am looking up to you, even though I’m trying to find my own way. And you teach me a lot through your writing (another reason for you not to stop, hopefully convincing enough), your reception of my writing, your way of interpreting the whole world. I trust that all this has already or will show in my development.
Don’t worry, you have never before (even indirectly as this time) urged me to write anything, and never at all been careless. I believe that if my Remus had not had the hope, he would not have come back, no matter how much you or me had wished that. I think you just helped me become aware of this hope, which I seem to forget so easily.
To be precise: I felt the text was more fully mine as soon as while writing, and your comment made me recall and relive that. This feeling stems from the fact that I consciously decided to write a fic which should show a particular situation. Before that I had only ever written when the scene came to me of itself. You made me seek this image, without waiting for it to come. However, everything you say is true, too: that the act of discussing the work, which I have learned to appreciate so much, makes me more conscious of my own choices and their effect on the piece, on the readers. In consequence, next time I may repeat-or defy-some of these choices on purpose, you’re right. I don’t know whether this was obvious, and surely it means a lot. Apparently you never say anything meaningless to me, so don’t doubt in yourself.
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Thank you for explaining precisely how this piece was yours in a different way from the very beginning of the process. I find this so fascinating also because now with Revolt I have to more and more focus on writing instalments in order to show particular situations. Even earlier I haven’t waited for scenes to come to me before I start to write. They’ve come to me while I’ve been already writing. Perhaps the changes in what is required from me when I should approach conclusions are one reason for my recent difficulties. And perhaps either deciding to write particular scenes or letting the situations evolve beyond the scene that has already come to you can help you find the characters as persons?
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You’re offering a very interesting diagnosis of your problems (and I’m happy that my babbling could out you on this track). Perhaps this is the moment when you have to more decisively enter and influence your story. It’s occurred to me now: what if you subconsciously refuse to do it (and end up not writing in consequence), because you fear it will shatter the illusion of reality you are experiencing as the alpha reader when you let the story evolve before your eyes? What if you’re afraid that, when you direct Remus somewhere on purpose, arbitrarily deciding what ought to happen, you will disturb the natural course of events and your own conviction that all this is true?
As for my writing, yes, I suppose that doing it more purposefully, with a clear goal in mind, instead of just recording images that come to me of themselves, might allow me to better control the emerging of characters from my fiction. No idea whether the theory is right, but I must try it. If I can, that is.
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Your diagnosis of my problems convinces me (and your excellent wording of it impresses me). It’s incredible that you can do all this for me, while it should be up to me to choose the diagnosis which I genuinely feel is the right one for me. I think I’ve had this fear for a couple of years (since just before the HBP release I was told that, after all that time and those words, I should have been close to the resolutions and known what they were going to be). Perhaps this diagnosis is right for me now when I’m also guided to think what I can do. Could I enter the story by somehow disguising myself as the older Remus who remembers all this and also knows how it ends? (That shouldn’t be too alien to me, as this Remus of 1996 is there in those letters he writes, sometimes even in the present tense, from the schoolboy’s perspective.) That wouldn’t necessarily mean that I’d include future paragraphs like those in A Midnight Clear (or at the beginnings or ends of the letters). In fact, back in 2003 or early 2004 I wrote a dialogue scene which would be set at the end of the story. I don’t think I like my writing in it any longer, but I should now give some thought to the reality behind it.
As for your theory on your writing, I trust you’ll try (your best to try) it, as you won’t stop. Do you know what you want to say, or is there something you’d really like to tell us in what happened to Remus and Sirius? Perhaps you could take them through a chain of situations and that would reveal their characters in more nuances.
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I understand the idea about disguising yourself as the older Remus, whose mind ‘contains’ all the story. Can it work, though? The older Remus knows what happened, all right, but he hadn’t chosen what would happen. Unless you just let his knowledge fill you, you convince yourself that it has already happened, and trust that the solutions just, well, found themselves. I might be taking a wrong perspective, but I fail to see the possibility for you to influence the story this way, either.
No, there’s nothing particular I have in mind. That’s the problem. I never know anything until it just comes of itself. I can hardly put Remus and Sirius into any situation artificially, I either see them or not. It’s like, I don’t want to tell anything about them, I merely happen to have something to tell from time to time. Well, recently a bit more often …
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I don’t know if it’s arrogant of me to think my theory could work. How could I approach such a perspective from which there is no time in the sense humans experience it - so that everything has already happened while it is also going to - is meant to - happen. I must stay blind and have faith. I do think too much. Perhaps after this I’ll be happy to get back to simply writing without any theories or treatments.
If you don’t feel that your Remus and Sirius are persons, and that you could find out what happened to them by following them from one situation to the next ones (and telling us about it at the same time)… perhaps you’d at least like to say something about what it means to be human in some respect, or rather try to learn to understand a bit better what it could mean? Or just continue to show moments in a relationship, with more or less context, as you can do it so evocatively in any case.
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I like the idea that you’d stay blind and have faith. Now that I’ve reached the temporary end of “Revolt” and see how much there is still to be written, as well as the results of your ‘just’ following Remus, I am blissfully certain that you can go on like that and let the story come to its conclusions naturally.
I can’t remember my reaction when I first received this comment of yours, but now upon rereading it I was startled by your suggestion:
… perhaps you’d at least like to say something about what it means to be human in some respect, or rather try to learn to understand a bit better what it could mean?
Do you mean that I could use Remus and Sirius’s story in order to say something like that? But I don’t have anything to say about being human! At least not consciously. I have no idea why I should want to, or how. If you think that I am tackling this issue in my writing, then I am most happy and flattered, but I never intended to make statements about being human. Like you said, I just “show moments in a relationship”, the way I imagine them, and perhaps only show my own understanding of the world. But never consciously, no.
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Oh, now I really need all the faith I can borrow from you, too, as I can’t deny there is a lot more to be written. And at the same time you also remind me of the fic promised by Pamela, who does not seem to be reliable at all! There’s certainly no reason to complain about lack of story ideas to think about here while waiting for your return. But I’ll also be thinking about you and hoping that everything is going splendidly.
I … perhaps only show my own understanding of the world
I suppose that’s how we can tackle this issue best, while telling stories or showing moments, without consciously making statements. I don’t know if it’s good to be aware of an agenda like “developing understanding of what it means to be human”. But towards the end of last year, I think, I read on minisinoo’s journal (she’s the professional and multi-fandom novelist who could not follow what I Don’t Dream was about) that fiction consists of style and heart, and the heart of the story stands for “the writer’s insight into what it means to be human”. And I just could not help becoming fond of the idea.
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A few days ago I discussed my not including any sex scenes in the fics-we were talking about “Leaving”, where, if you recall, there is a clear mention of Remus and Sirius’s making love. And I explained it the same way I would explain the lack of the kiss: what would describing that change? What purpose would it serve? Now you complemented this train of thought: whoever wants to see them make love, or kiss, will do so without my help. Although, just as you, I realise that most R/S fans would love to see this kiss, I feel I must remain faithful to my own convictions. It’s deeply reassuring to know that you consistently support me in this.
Yay for the familiar sweaters! I can’t help being happy about it in quite a silly manner. Oh yes, for me, too, Sirius had known the sweater. I think it was not just my (alpha-reader’s) interpretation, but also my (author’s) intention.
Yes, I thought you might actually mean Peter-centric, and I understood you correctly, after all. In this case, thank you for showing your Remus to me so convincingly!
I haven’t found out about the argument, as that I could only do as the author, for which it’s too late. I have an idea as a reader, though, so perhaps we can discuss it. I think it was something about Sirius’s possessiveness, or dominance. Like, his tendency to speak for Remus; I can actually see a whole scene in an Order meeting and after that. But it’s just my uncertain interpretation. What is yours?
You indicated the potential of the similarities, that’s for sure. Thank you for developing the concept now: it is truly fascinating. I see that you’re tempted to see the drabbles as telling one extensive story-and I must admit that I am beginning to attempt and think of them this way, too, under your influence. After all, this is how I got to write “Soaked” in the first place. It also made me try and reorganise my Guide in the profile.
It seems I still haven’t managed to compose a note of some sensible length. Thank you again for all your valuable remarks and continually supporting my (hopefully existent) development. These discussions are a real pleasure.
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In any case you wonderfully avoid any artificial acts which would look like added only in order to compose a satisfying romantic story. At the same time any R/S lover with imagination can get the arousingly soaked pups in a passionate kiss and more.
You’d written Leaving before I started “teaching” you, so I trust it’s genuinely your own conviction, too, not to show any kisses unnecessarily. I wouldn’t like to guide you to the path of unpopularity in the fandom without a warning, but I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before.
And it seems I’ve replied to the last few paragraphs elsewhere by mistake, perhaps because I’d come here to see what you had said about seeing your stories as one extensive story. So I finally manage to post a slightly shorter comment!
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Oh, my, but the “arousingly soaked pups in a passionate kiss and more”, coming from you, almost killed me on the spot. Especially the “and more”. Seriously, though, of course you’re right, and indeed I have never felt the need to describe any unnecessary kisses (and more). No, now I’ve lied: I told you about the fic when they kiss on Sirius’s bike, and there are two of my first fanfics, “In Your Lap” being one of them, which are nothing but unnecessary romantic stories. In the first case, however, I rather wanted to try showing the (more than physical) intimacy and tension, and in the latter it was an attempt at silly and funny fluff. And anyway, there is no kiss in “In Your Lap” (for which I was delicately criticised, too. Damn popularity; viva la individualité et les convictionnes! … or something).
Ha! Shorter comments, indeed. In fact I feel a bit strange.
(Opera still hasn’t shut down. Tentative Viva la Opera, then!)
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You actually tempt me to act against my conviction and to try writing a kiss (and more?) It’s incredible that I’ve spent four years in the fandom, three years aware of the fact that I belong to a community of puppyshippers, and I’ve never before considered writing anything more explicitly R/S. I don’t think it would be too much like carelessly playing with the precious characters, if I wrote an intimate situation which I can believe my Remus and Sirius have shared. It would be like playing with my writer’s image, and perhaps I’ve taken myself too seriously. I could post the piece only on remusxsirius, not on my journal, and I could get another icon to use, if not another user name…
It’s strange that I wasn’t tempted when I still cared more about popularity and had some hope for it. I’m glad that you have at least tried writing kisses, so you know you can use them when they can serve any purposes.
I do hope your Opera is still alive.
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Oh, for pity’s sake, you almost killed me with this image: PaulaMcG PamelaO’P - the Porn Queen of Fandom, plus a smutty icon, necessarily with a collar. Brilliant! When do you start writing?
And seriously, would you really consider writing something more explicit? Because I know I would, if I only saw a purpose. Perhaps I will, as Winter (one of the lalallama_girls) convinced me to try and write this horrible fic I’d told you about, with Remus agreeing to sleep with Sirius against his own will. (Winter’s also the one who gave me the original idea.) In this case I see the purpose of some more explicit descriptions (but I doubt “more” means “much” in anyone’s understanding, anyway), the problem is that I’m not sure whether I believe this could happen, whether I actually see it.
No, it isn’t strange at all that you wouldn’t have wanted to write kisses earlier. You have always written only with a purpose in your mind, and I’m sure that this is still the necessary condition. Perhaps now it might be fulfilled, is all.
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Oh, now you almost killed me and made me start planning an explicit story by Pamela. I could even think of some purposes. A bit later I was reminded of why it’ll be hard for me to make my charaters and readers enjoy the scene. But I don’t care for eating either and I can write about Remus enjoying meals - while I actually prefer his starving.
In fact, I could find a fic based on Winter’s idea particularly interesting, if not so pleasant, to read. Could you see it happening in an alternative reality? Because maybe your Remus and Sirius are not completely established as persons in whole lives, I think I could accept that.
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