[log] Home again, home again, jiggity jig.
(ooc: This was written with the help of another player, who took the part of Mika. Thank you again, dear.
If anyone else would like to pick up Mika as a muse, please feel free, but PM me first.)
Tuesday. At the airport.
The direct Finnair flight from New York arrived in Helsinki just after eight am. It was on time. For Säde it would be... 1 or 2 o'clock at night. A normal person would be tired and show it. Mika knew better of his sister. Most likely she would want to get right into business.
The family had had a long but not at all a relaxed Easter holiday. His mother's death meant that from years to come, Easter would not be a happy time for them.
Lumi had sent the kids to school and kindergarten as usual before leaving for work. There was no reason to keep them at home; going back to the routines and meeting their friends would only benefit them.
Mika's job was such that he could take a few days off as long as he could be reached by phone at any time. He'd let the office know he'd return on Thursday. Säde, and possibly Lumi, would have to take care of whatever else was left to do after that.
But today he waited for his sister to arrive from New York. Today he did not wish to see the Ace of Diamonds from the incomprehensible place called the Deck.
--
Säde was, admittedly, rather hungover from last night. She'd gotten good at hiding it, and the exhaustion and residual nausea could be passed off as side-effects of the flight. No need to sneak into the arrivals hall- they both knew it wasn't necessary. Meeting at the airport was merely a cover for the Deck. She found her brother easily.
There is no hugging. There is only a small touch on his shoulder, her hand dropping away quickly. "Hello, Mika," she says, in their shared language. This was the way they always began. But with their mother's death... perhaps hello isn't enough.
--
His greeting is just as brief: "Hello. Thank you for coming." He had been prepared that she wouldn't come.
Hugs can be saved for situations where they need to prove to others what a close-knit family they are or for those real moments when they need to comfort each other. This here is just an airport where no one else cares about that.
"Let's go. My car's not far." He takes her suitcase, noticing her state of being. He's not happy about it, but can understand it.
"I've arranged a meeting with the funeral parlor, but we have time to go to the morgue first if you wish." It is blunt, yes, but not said harshly.
--
It's ironic, she knows, to be turning up this way considering how they grew up, but it's how she would rather cope. And he doesn't like hearing about her work. Why bother telling him about her Queen being ill or her lack of King? He'd ignore it anyway.
She nods her head tightly. "I'd rather see her now. They'll do too good a job on her later, I just know it." She wants to fix the last memory of their mother in her mind. Not a raving woman who tried not to talk with her children, speaking more to the nurses, addicted to morphine for her pain. Just a cold, dead corpse.
--
He wishes he could be interested in her "work" (refusing to call it real work), but the fact is he doesn't exactly approve of the Deck. It's not just because it cost him his brother, though it is a big factor now. It is more about wanting his little sister taking part in the Real World. She was an unhappy child but the Deck is not making her a happy adult despite the (assumed) respect she has there. He wants better for her.
There is a near snort at her words. Of course Säde wants to see their mother at her worst.
The car drive is mostly quiet; he talks about Malin and Otto. Säde has always been surprisingly good with his children, a proof that she can see beyond her poor relationship with her own mother.
Soon enough they're at the morgue.
--
She does love the Deck, and she does love her work. It's simply that over the past few years, things have gotten... difficult. More emotional upheavals. Hector's disappearance. Her frustration at not being able to find Andrew's murderer. Her suspicions, and the later confirmation that Marcus was the killer. Hector's return, combined with his injury. The 'revelation' after Athena's disappearance that the former Queen of Spades had killed Andrew, and the fact that Lancelot had sworn her to secrecy on it. Lindsey's death. Rachel's illness.
Their mother.
She's silent, looking down at the body. No one could imagine it was asleep. It's a ruin of a body. Whole, but exhausted of any life, ravaged by the cancer and the morphine abuse. "You said she died in her sleep." Her tone is dry, blunt, and her words are only kept short and free of sarcasm because of the morgue assistant nearby. One must keep up appearances, after all.
Her hand twitches away from her body, then back to her side, curling into her fist. She can't reach for his hand as she did when they were much younger. Not any more.
--
He doesn't blame her for choosing the Deck (well, maybe sometimes...) but he feels guilty for not being able to take interest in that part of her life. Of course there was initial interest when Juuso first talked about it, and swore them both to secrecy, but his aspirations always pulled him in a different direction.
"She did." She had pretty much been sleeping and heavily medicated the last few months anyway. When she was awake, there was nothing peaceful in those moments. She had been unapologetic till the end. He didn't need to say that in order for Säde to know it.
He doesn't miss the clenched hand. This reminded him of the times when they, as children, had been standing by their parents' bed, looking at the drunken figures. He wraps his hand lightly over her shoulder. "Ready when you are."
--
She bobs her head, stilling briefly at his touch. She lifts her fist, relaxing her fingers slowly to touch their mother's brow gently, as her mouth twists into something far from fury. Disappointment, perhaps. She can't quite put a name to it. Dropping her hand, she glances up at him. "Let's go."
Her back is straight as she walks out of the morgue, a step ahead of her brother. The sooner they left what remained of the woman who birthed them, the better.
--
Mika doesn't start the car right away, instead stares out the window with his hands gripping the steering wheel. It might not look like it, but he's relieved. The death of their mother had been a long time coming. Life will be so much easier from now on, after they go through this week.
He turns to look at his sister. Hopefully she can let go of the ghosts of the past. "Right, now to the funeral home and then I need to get some coffee into you. Coffee and something to eat. Maybe even a nap? I don't want Otto and Malin to get a scare." There's a hint of humor in it, but he is serious. He has tried to keep his children involved as little as possible, but Malin is old enough to understand some of it. A tired, hungover aunt is not needed at the moment.
--
There's a mild, affectionate snort as she leans back in her seat. "Rest assured, I don't want to make things any worse for them than they already are."
**
The day of the funeral, Säde is silent all through the ceremony. The sooner the body (not 'their mother', never 'their mother', for years she has not been 'their mother') is buried, the better. It's unusual that the funeral comes so soon within the days of her death, but they didn't want to delay any longer than was needed. It's only the five of them in the chapel. The pastor might find it unusual, but Säde, at least, doesn't care. She only lifts her chin, lips set in a thin line, and refuses to shed a tear.
--
It was a hectic week, but having the funeral arranged so soon was due to a couple of simple reasons: They had a small family and no relatives to speak of. The grave site was already there, too, having been chosen when their father died. For Mika, this was actually easier than last time.
Juuso was buried elsewhere. While Säde had refused to come to their father's funeral and Mika could've done as he pleased, he did not want to test his sister's patience by burying their father in the same spot as their brother.
Lumi was the only one with a few tears in her eyes, though it would be a mistake to think she missed her mother-in-law. She was simply more emotional in general. And since the adults didn't show their grief, the children didn't either. Malin hung around Säde, but spoke little.
Afterwards Lumi and the kids stay in the kids' room to play games. Mika sets the table (coffee and home-made cinnamon rolls from the freezer). He sits down at the kitchen table and gestures his sister to join. They've already had talks in the evenings prior the funeral but this will be the last one face-to-face for a while. Anything his sister wants to talk about, he's here to listen. Or they can simply have this quiet moment together.
--
Säde had allowed Malin to stay close, and had kept her arm around her niece as the coffin was lowered into the ground. It was the least she could have done. And it's the least she can do to talk with Mika. Just for a little while.
She stares down into her coffee, suddenly the most fascinating thing in the room. "I thought... things would feel lighter, when she was gone. Better." Her lips crumple, as they did when she was a child.
--
He frowns a little. "And they don't? I mean, give it some time and... don't shut out those who want to help. Or to get close." He doesn't look at her, either. "I know I've shut you out sometimes." Given their history, it's not surprising, but that's not all of it. Sometimes he has resented Säde for being so far away, leaving him to deal with their mother's problems.
But he has a family while she doesn't and a loveless mother must be harder for a daughter than for a son.
"You are not going to disappear now, are you? The reasons to keep in touch and visit will change, but they are there nonetheless." He doesn't want her to become some sort of mythical creature for Malin and Otto, though good heavens he would cut off all contact if she ever mentioned the Deck to his children.
--
"I... I won't. I'm only a phone call away, you know that." He and his family are the only people whose calls she will answer no matter the time or circumstance. But it's hard to say that, even now.
She reaches across the table for his hand. That's something she can do, right now, if nothing else. Because she had thought- had expected- that once their mother died, things would feel better, lighter. That in this mess of a year there was at least one thing that she could share with her brother, no matter how bad. She won't tell him what she's been coping with. She's certain he won't want to hear it.
--
"Good." He squeezes her hand reassuringly. He will have to give it time, too. Säde is not going to change overnight. Nor would he. "But you have to make some effort. Don't always wait for me to call you first." He wasn't sure what they would talk about, so that was something they needed to work on.
That wasn't entirely true. He knew he needed to start listening to her more. It would have been so much easier, if she didn't live in the Deck, if she wasn't the Ace of Diamonds. However, there was some relief in the knowledge that she didn't need to challenge anymore. She seemed to be in a safe position in that regard.
"It means a lot that you came, whatever your reasons. We can all look forward to a better future now."
--
She manages a brief, tense smile. "It would've been rude *not* to come." Not that she's ever been particularly polite, even before she became Ace, but her family deserves it. Just because it's her mother's funeral won't change that.
"I... I don't know when I'll be able to call, but I promise." Her smile gets a little tenser, more uncertain. There's so much waiting for her when she returns- a new King, this situation about the Spade Cruz, the work still left waiting... she has to remember to call. She has to remember to reconnect with someone who cares.
--
He holds her hand a little bit longer, then slowly releases it. She might be his little sister, but she's also a grown woman who's made her own decisions in life. He can stop giving big brother advice.
"Oh, I nearly forgot." He gets up and fetches an envelope. "I printed out some photos from our last skiing trip to Lapland. For you, to keep track of how the kids grow." A small pause, and a small smile. "We're here, if you need anything."
--
She takes the envelope, trying to match the warmth of his smile, though there's still a slight tension in the curve of her lips. "I won't forget that, Mika. I promise. Thank you."
There's a little peace now in her heart, where her brother and his family are concerned. Not so much for her mother- that will still take time- but enough that she can come back to the Deck with less hurt to hide than before.
If anyone else would like to pick up Mika as a muse, please feel free, but PM me first.)
Tuesday. At the airport.
The direct Finnair flight from New York arrived in Helsinki just after eight am. It was on time. For Säde it would be... 1 or 2 o'clock at night. A normal person would be tired and show it. Mika knew better of his sister. Most likely she would want to get right into business.
The family had had a long but not at all a relaxed Easter holiday. His mother's death meant that from years to come, Easter would not be a happy time for them.
Lumi had sent the kids to school and kindergarten as usual before leaving for work. There was no reason to keep them at home; going back to the routines and meeting their friends would only benefit them.
Mika's job was such that he could take a few days off as long as he could be reached by phone at any time. He'd let the office know he'd return on Thursday. Säde, and possibly Lumi, would have to take care of whatever else was left to do after that.
But today he waited for his sister to arrive from New York. Today he did not wish to see the Ace of Diamonds from the incomprehensible place called the Deck.
--
Säde was, admittedly, rather hungover from last night. She'd gotten good at hiding it, and the exhaustion and residual nausea could be passed off as side-effects of the flight. No need to sneak into the arrivals hall- they both knew it wasn't necessary. Meeting at the airport was merely a cover for the Deck. She found her brother easily.
There is no hugging. There is only a small touch on his shoulder, her hand dropping away quickly. "Hello, Mika," she says, in their shared language. This was the way they always began. But with their mother's death... perhaps hello isn't enough.
--
His greeting is just as brief: "Hello. Thank you for coming." He had been prepared that she wouldn't come.
Hugs can be saved for situations where they need to prove to others what a close-knit family they are or for those real moments when they need to comfort each other. This here is just an airport where no one else cares about that.
"Let's go. My car's not far." He takes her suitcase, noticing her state of being. He's not happy about it, but can understand it.
"I've arranged a meeting with the funeral parlor, but we have time to go to the morgue first if you wish." It is blunt, yes, but not said harshly.
--
It's ironic, she knows, to be turning up this way considering how they grew up, but it's how she would rather cope. And he doesn't like hearing about her work. Why bother telling him about her Queen being ill or her lack of King? He'd ignore it anyway.
She nods her head tightly. "I'd rather see her now. They'll do too good a job on her later, I just know it." She wants to fix the last memory of their mother in her mind. Not a raving woman who tried not to talk with her children, speaking more to the nurses, addicted to morphine for her pain. Just a cold, dead corpse.
--
He wishes he could be interested in her "work" (refusing to call it real work), but the fact is he doesn't exactly approve of the Deck. It's not just because it cost him his brother, though it is a big factor now. It is more about wanting his little sister taking part in the Real World. She was an unhappy child but the Deck is not making her a happy adult despite the (assumed) respect she has there. He wants better for her.
There is a near snort at her words. Of course Säde wants to see their mother at her worst.
The car drive is mostly quiet; he talks about Malin and Otto. Säde has always been surprisingly good with his children, a proof that she can see beyond her poor relationship with her own mother.
Soon enough they're at the morgue.
--
She does love the Deck, and she does love her work. It's simply that over the past few years, things have gotten... difficult. More emotional upheavals. Hector's disappearance. Her frustration at not being able to find Andrew's murderer. Her suspicions, and the later confirmation that Marcus was the killer. Hector's return, combined with his injury. The 'revelation' after Athena's disappearance that the former Queen of Spades had killed Andrew, and the fact that Lancelot had sworn her to secrecy on it. Lindsey's death. Rachel's illness.
Their mother.
She's silent, looking down at the body. No one could imagine it was asleep. It's a ruin of a body. Whole, but exhausted of any life, ravaged by the cancer and the morphine abuse. "You said she died in her sleep." Her tone is dry, blunt, and her words are only kept short and free of sarcasm because of the morgue assistant nearby. One must keep up appearances, after all.
Her hand twitches away from her body, then back to her side, curling into her fist. She can't reach for his hand as she did when they were much younger. Not any more.
--
He doesn't blame her for choosing the Deck (well, maybe sometimes...) but he feels guilty for not being able to take interest in that part of her life. Of course there was initial interest when Juuso first talked about it, and swore them both to secrecy, but his aspirations always pulled him in a different direction.
"She did." She had pretty much been sleeping and heavily medicated the last few months anyway. When she was awake, there was nothing peaceful in those moments. She had been unapologetic till the end. He didn't need to say that in order for Säde to know it.
He doesn't miss the clenched hand. This reminded him of the times when they, as children, had been standing by their parents' bed, looking at the drunken figures. He wraps his hand lightly over her shoulder. "Ready when you are."
--
She bobs her head, stilling briefly at his touch. She lifts her fist, relaxing her fingers slowly to touch their mother's brow gently, as her mouth twists into something far from fury. Disappointment, perhaps. She can't quite put a name to it. Dropping her hand, she glances up at him. "Let's go."
Her back is straight as she walks out of the morgue, a step ahead of her brother. The sooner they left what remained of the woman who birthed them, the better.
--
Mika doesn't start the car right away, instead stares out the window with his hands gripping the steering wheel. It might not look like it, but he's relieved. The death of their mother had been a long time coming. Life will be so much easier from now on, after they go through this week.
He turns to look at his sister. Hopefully she can let go of the ghosts of the past. "Right, now to the funeral home and then I need to get some coffee into you. Coffee and something to eat. Maybe even a nap? I don't want Otto and Malin to get a scare." There's a hint of humor in it, but he is serious. He has tried to keep his children involved as little as possible, but Malin is old enough to understand some of it. A tired, hungover aunt is not needed at the moment.
--
There's a mild, affectionate snort as she leans back in her seat. "Rest assured, I don't want to make things any worse for them than they already are."
**
The day of the funeral, Säde is silent all through the ceremony. The sooner the body (not 'their mother', never 'their mother', for years she has not been 'their mother') is buried, the better. It's unusual that the funeral comes so soon within the days of her death, but they didn't want to delay any longer than was needed. It's only the five of them in the chapel. The pastor might find it unusual, but Säde, at least, doesn't care. She only lifts her chin, lips set in a thin line, and refuses to shed a tear.
--
It was a hectic week, but having the funeral arranged so soon was due to a couple of simple reasons: They had a small family and no relatives to speak of. The grave site was already there, too, having been chosen when their father died. For Mika, this was actually easier than last time.
Juuso was buried elsewhere. While Säde had refused to come to their father's funeral and Mika could've done as he pleased, he did not want to test his sister's patience by burying their father in the same spot as their brother.
Lumi was the only one with a few tears in her eyes, though it would be a mistake to think she missed her mother-in-law. She was simply more emotional in general. And since the adults didn't show their grief, the children didn't either. Malin hung around Säde, but spoke little.
Afterwards Lumi and the kids stay in the kids' room to play games. Mika sets the table (coffee and home-made cinnamon rolls from the freezer). He sits down at the kitchen table and gestures his sister to join. They've already had talks in the evenings prior the funeral but this will be the last one face-to-face for a while. Anything his sister wants to talk about, he's here to listen. Or they can simply have this quiet moment together.
--
Säde had allowed Malin to stay close, and had kept her arm around her niece as the coffin was lowered into the ground. It was the least she could have done. And it's the least she can do to talk with Mika. Just for a little while.
She stares down into her coffee, suddenly the most fascinating thing in the room. "I thought... things would feel lighter, when she was gone. Better." Her lips crumple, as they did when she was a child.
--
He frowns a little. "And they don't? I mean, give it some time and... don't shut out those who want to help. Or to get close." He doesn't look at her, either. "I know I've shut you out sometimes." Given their history, it's not surprising, but that's not all of it. Sometimes he has resented Säde for being so far away, leaving him to deal with their mother's problems.
But he has a family while she doesn't and a loveless mother must be harder for a daughter than for a son.
"You are not going to disappear now, are you? The reasons to keep in touch and visit will change, but they are there nonetheless." He doesn't want her to become some sort of mythical creature for Malin and Otto, though good heavens he would cut off all contact if she ever mentioned the Deck to his children.
--
"I... I won't. I'm only a phone call away, you know that." He and his family are the only people whose calls she will answer no matter the time or circumstance. But it's hard to say that, even now.
She reaches across the table for his hand. That's something she can do, right now, if nothing else. Because she had thought- had expected- that once their mother died, things would feel better, lighter. That in this mess of a year there was at least one thing that she could share with her brother, no matter how bad. She won't tell him what she's been coping with. She's certain he won't want to hear it.
--
"Good." He squeezes her hand reassuringly. He will have to give it time, too. Säde is not going to change overnight. Nor would he. "But you have to make some effort. Don't always wait for me to call you first." He wasn't sure what they would talk about, so that was something they needed to work on.
That wasn't entirely true. He knew he needed to start listening to her more. It would have been so much easier, if she didn't live in the Deck, if she wasn't the Ace of Diamonds. However, there was some relief in the knowledge that she didn't need to challenge anymore. She seemed to be in a safe position in that regard.
"It means a lot that you came, whatever your reasons. We can all look forward to a better future now."
--
She manages a brief, tense smile. "It would've been rude *not* to come." Not that she's ever been particularly polite, even before she became Ace, but her family deserves it. Just because it's her mother's funeral won't change that.
"I... I don't know when I'll be able to call, but I promise." Her smile gets a little tenser, more uncertain. There's so much waiting for her when she returns- a new King, this situation about the Spade Cruz, the work still left waiting... she has to remember to call. She has to remember to reconnect with someone who cares.
--
He holds her hand a little bit longer, then slowly releases it. She might be his little sister, but she's also a grown woman who's made her own decisions in life. He can stop giving big brother advice.
"Oh, I nearly forgot." He gets up and fetches an envelope. "I printed out some photos from our last skiing trip to Lapland. For you, to keep track of how the kids grow." A small pause, and a small smile. "We're here, if you need anything."
--
She takes the envelope, trying to match the warmth of his smile, though there's still a slight tension in the curve of her lips. "I won't forget that, Mika. I promise. Thank you."
There's a little peace now in her heart, where her brother and his family are concerned. Not so much for her mother- that will still take time- but enough that she can come back to the Deck with less hurt to hide than before.