Zomberman vs. Vamp-Weiller
Today, as the direct result of un-relenting boredom at work, we pose the question: "Who would win in a fight between a zombie-doberman and a vampire-rotweiller?"
My first natural decision was to say that the vampire dog would kick the shit out of a zombie dog. First of all, rotweillers are totally badass. A rotweiller could kick the hell out of a doberman any damn day of the week. But, we aren't just talking about dogs. Specifically, we are discussing zombie-dobermans and vampire rotweillers. When the specifics get thrown into the mix, things get a little more complicated. In order to guage the outcome of this battle, one must consider the enhanced powers and instincts of each respective entity.
As previously stated, I personally favor the vamp-weiller. Rottweilers are obviously more badass and their natural tendency is to go for the neck. Plus, a vampire dog would have enhanced strength, whereas a zombie dog would be lucky to keep all of its' limbs attached.
Let's say, for the sake of not making this article too overly-ridiculous, that the vamp-weiller does not posess the ability to morph into a bat. However, the dead blood does pose an interesting twist.
Let's think about what would happen in the event of an exchange of bites. Both species posess the power to "turn" their victims, meaning that a zombie bite would render the victim a zombie. A vampire bite would result in the victim turning into a vampire. It has been portrayed, though, that if a naturally-born vampire is killed, all of its' undead "victims" would ultimately expire as well. This point, although doesn't exactly pertain to the proposed scenario, does play into the bigger picture. A zombie lacks any function of their internal organs (aside from very basic main brain function fueling the zombie's rage and will to ingest flesh). So, one could only assume that, in the event of a vampire bite, the effect of the bite would not produce any results. It is assumed that vampires, although technically are described as "undead," do have working organs and a circulatory system. This point could be illustrated in two ways:
1) One widely-known way to kill a vampire is to stab it in the heart with a wooden stake. If the heart were dead/disconnected from the entity, a stab to the heart would yield no results.
2) In the film, "Underworld," during the CGI scene where Marcus is awakened, his heart is shown beating within his chest.
Essentially, a vampiric-rotweiller bite would be uneffective and a zombie-doberman bite would result in the transformation of the animal into a zombie.
Another trait that cannot be overlooked is super-strength. Vampires are known to posess enhanced physical strength. Considering that human vampires have the intelligence to distinguish between a blood-sucking bite and an all-out mauling. Dogs do not harbor such intelligence. It is a safe assumption that if a vampire-rotweiller were to lunge for the neck, it would unleash all of its' raw strength thus resulting in one of two possible outcomes:
1) The zombie-doberman's head will be bitten clean-off.
2) The spinal connections between the dog's head and body will be severed.
Both outcomes would result in the demise of the zombie.
Now, it could also be assumed that this exchange could be deadly for the vampire dog as well. The film, "Interview with the Vampire," shows us that dead or coagulated blood is deadly to a vampire. This is illustrated when the character of Claudia (portrayed by Kirsten Dunst) offers a meal of sedated humans to Le Stat (Tom Cruise). This particular "feast," concludes as a sort of vampire poison, as the sacrificed humans are already dead. This shows that a bite from a vamp-weiller to a zomberman could be deadly to the vampire as well.
Alas, I conclude by saying that a battle between a single zombie-doberman and a vampire-rotweiller would result in an even tie. The physically superior vamp-weiller would lunge for the neck of the zombie-doberman and bite the head clean off (killing the zombie). The blood of the zomberman, however, would enter the system of the vamp-weiller resulting in the death of the vampire.