In which the cat escapes the bag
Good Morning,
Number of unwanted e-mails from Ex-Wife = 0.75
I will be brief on my actions since I last updated. As there is other things I need to expound on. My thought process is such that I often gain a full appreciation of a idea only after I have explored it. That is a partial purpose of this journal.
Friday I went dancing with the girls and blue, the girls being Jean and Kaja. I am a poor dancer, to say the least, I have always shied away from it. I am, truth be told, a shy person when it comes to meeting and getting to know new people. I like to get to know people first, so at the prospect of dancing with someone I don't know, I find it hard. I revert to old habits. I don't like it, and with the ease that I see others do it, I know it is something that I am going to have to change. I enjoy the dancing, and if I get get a more solid background into it, I think that I will enjoy it, that and the extra exercise that I get as well.
The evening was spent afterwards at Jean's just being social. The TV had an unfortunate accident, in so much that it isn't working a this point. So when Blue went home I crashed at the Girl's but not on the Couch of Retractable Virtue. Since the cat is out of the bed bag (good god what a Freudian Slip!), you can guess where I spent the night.
The Saturday we were supposed to, Kaja and I, to go to the Zoo. We didn't get out of bed until half past three in the afternoon. I didn't get home until about 10pm. To which I spent the rest of the night with the roommate consuming some Mary Jane's Finest Butter.
The results were sadly lacking.
The Sunday I didn't really do all that much, spent the morning saving the world, went to fighter practise, had company over in the evening.
Forgive the change in the tone of this post. I will explain later.
Yesterday was interesting. I was called on my lack of focus, which I have fixed for today, at least to a point. I was also told that they want to send me to a training course, and I beat out two of the other senior programmers to it. They will be a little ticked at that but oh well. To do this I needed to up the credit limit on my card. I approached this with a little trepidation. On the one hand I want to lower the amount of credit I have, but I need to improve my score. It is a devil's question. I was amazed at the ease at which I raised it, I more then tripled it in a matter of moments. It is a little scary.
Gaming is good. I got a warning from Stark, about Kat, which I can't fault. He is concerned with her, she is also a grown woman, and I can't be held responsible for her choices. He cares for her, and she is rebounding. He is a big boy.
Gaming was actually good, entertaining, though not completely on topic. Once home, I chatted a bit and made a trade. Then fell pleasantly asleep revelling in that occupied my mind.
The reason for the tone change of this entry is due to an e-mail received from my Ex-Wife. She had her utilities changed, and was happy in the fact that the operator agreed with her that it was easy to ignore. They will agree with anything, that is their job. They don't say no, they say that there is a alternative method. She asked that I deal with her with respect that is due. What a fucking hypocrite! What a ... words fail me.
I still don't think she fully comprehends the width and breadth of my... displeasure with her. The absolute and relentless hate, anger, and bitterness that I have been over come with.
These fires are that, and they will be brief, I can already feel them receding as I escape deeply into my music. I let it go. I let it fly away. I let it bother me less, and less. I let it burn down to an ember and then burn out.
On the heals of that is an interesting development mentally. This blessed change concerns itself with my future. I haven't always had a plan. I have had a hazy direction. I do have a plan now. It is a one year plan, but I am starting to develop longer term plans. It helps when you have some to plan with, and around.
I had a plan previous, but that fell apart. I had seen the world and I was happy with it. Then she checked out.
I will spare you, at least at this point, with my odd ideas with respect to time.
I can see a future, I can see life, I can see a house, a family, a wife. I can see smiles, I can see tenderness, I can see a lot of things that I wasn't able to previous. I see stuff that brings a smile to my face, replacing the twisted grimace that was there but a moment ago.
It surprises me, but I can see many things for my future that I hadn't been able to see with my ex-wife. I like that. I like that the future is exploding in front of me, and it is a future that I will like. A future that will make me happy, and that I will enjoy. With a person that allow me to be me. Someone I don't need to compromise for, someone who accepts me, and someone I can accept. Someone I am comfortable with. Someone that actually cares about me. A relationship where I am an equal. With someone that I know I can spend many years with, and still feel this fire.
Knowing that I can confess this and not be afraid that I might scare the woman away. Knowing that the same is being felt about me.
It completes me.
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly. And hoping they don't. And we never trust anyone as easily as we did the first time."
Adieu,
Wayne
Number of unwanted e-mails from Ex-Wife = 0.75
I will be brief on my actions since I last updated. As there is other things I need to expound on. My thought process is such that I often gain a full appreciation of a idea only after I have explored it. That is a partial purpose of this journal.
Friday I went dancing with the girls and blue, the girls being Jean and Kaja. I am a poor dancer, to say the least, I have always shied away from it. I am, truth be told, a shy person when it comes to meeting and getting to know new people. I like to get to know people first, so at the prospect of dancing with someone I don't know, I find it hard. I revert to old habits. I don't like it, and with the ease that I see others do it, I know it is something that I am going to have to change. I enjoy the dancing, and if I get get a more solid background into it, I think that I will enjoy it, that and the extra exercise that I get as well.
The evening was spent afterwards at Jean's just being social. The TV had an unfortunate accident, in so much that it isn't working a this point. So when Blue went home I crashed at the Girl's but not on the Couch of Retractable Virtue. Since the cat is out of the bed bag (good god what a Freudian Slip!), you can guess where I spent the night.
The Saturday we were supposed to, Kaja and I, to go to the Zoo. We didn't get out of bed until half past three in the afternoon. I didn't get home until about 10pm. To which I spent the rest of the night with the roommate consuming some Mary Jane's Finest Butter.
The results were sadly lacking.
The Sunday I didn't really do all that much, spent the morning saving the world, went to fighter practise, had company over in the evening.
Forgive the change in the tone of this post. I will explain later.
Yesterday was interesting. I was called on my lack of focus, which I have fixed for today, at least to a point. I was also told that they want to send me to a training course, and I beat out two of the other senior programmers to it. They will be a little ticked at that but oh well. To do this I needed to up the credit limit on my card. I approached this with a little trepidation. On the one hand I want to lower the amount of credit I have, but I need to improve my score. It is a devil's question. I was amazed at the ease at which I raised it, I more then tripled it in a matter of moments. It is a little scary.
Gaming is good. I got a warning from Stark, about Kat, which I can't fault. He is concerned with her, she is also a grown woman, and I can't be held responsible for her choices. He cares for her, and she is rebounding. He is a big boy.
Gaming was actually good, entertaining, though not completely on topic. Once home, I chatted a bit and made a trade. Then fell pleasantly asleep revelling in that occupied my mind.
The reason for the tone change of this entry is due to an e-mail received from my Ex-Wife. She had her utilities changed, and was happy in the fact that the operator agreed with her that it was easy to ignore. They will agree with anything, that is their job. They don't say no, they say that there is a alternative method. She asked that I deal with her with respect that is due. What a fucking hypocrite! What a ... words fail me.
I still don't think she fully comprehends the width and breadth of my... displeasure with her. The absolute and relentless hate, anger, and bitterness that I have been over come with.
These fires are that, and they will be brief, I can already feel them receding as I escape deeply into my music. I let it go. I let it fly away. I let it bother me less, and less. I let it burn down to an ember and then burn out.
On the heals of that is an interesting development mentally. This blessed change concerns itself with my future. I haven't always had a plan. I have had a hazy direction. I do have a plan now. It is a one year plan, but I am starting to develop longer term plans. It helps when you have some to plan with, and around.
I had a plan previous, but that fell apart. I had seen the world and I was happy with it. Then she checked out.
I will spare you, at least at this point, with my odd ideas with respect to time.
I can see a future, I can see life, I can see a house, a family, a wife. I can see smiles, I can see tenderness, I can see a lot of things that I wasn't able to previous. I see stuff that brings a smile to my face, replacing the twisted grimace that was there but a moment ago.
It surprises me, but I can see many things for my future that I hadn't been able to see with my ex-wife. I like that. I like that the future is exploding in front of me, and it is a future that I will like. A future that will make me happy, and that I will enjoy. With a person that allow me to be me. Someone I don't need to compromise for, someone who accepts me, and someone I can accept. Someone I am comfortable with. Someone that actually cares about me. A relationship where I am an equal. With someone that I know I can spend many years with, and still feel this fire.
Knowing that I can confess this and not be afraid that I might scare the woman away. Knowing that the same is being felt about me.
It completes me.
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly. And hoping they don't. And we never trust anyone as easily as we did the first time."
Adieu,
Wayne